I recently wrote a post entitled Dear Teachers.
It’s gotten a lot of exposure. I guess it struck a chord with a few people.
Since writing that, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I want my kids to get out of school.
And why they are going to school in the first place.
I was a teacher for over 10 years.
I’ve been a parent now for almost 10 years too.
So I have a decent amount of experience on both ends.
I also have a lot of experience in the life department.
In high school, I lost a baby brother to leukemia.
I’ve had some seriously fucked up relationships.
I’ve had issues with drugs.
I’ve gone through a divorce.
It hasn’t been easy.
It still isn’t, but I’m much better at coping with things now than I was 20, or 10, or even 5 years ago.
Now there is something to be said for age and experience.
But there is one thing I know.
School did not prepare me for life.
It didn’t teach me how to stand up for myself.
It didn’t teach me how to communicate effectively, in a healthy way with people.
It didn’t teach me to not allow a man to treat me like a piece of garbage.
It didn’t teach me not to judge.
It didn’t teach me how to improvise, adapt and overcome.
It didn’t teach me how to handle stress in a healthy way.
Sure, it taught me to read and write, add and subtract, multiply and divide.
And of course those are valuable skills.
But they only get you so far.
Life is not easy.
And you get through elementary school, and middle school, and high school,
and if you are lucky,
college,
and then you are out there in the real world.
And a problem presents itself,
and you are unprepared to handle it.
Our kids tell us, “That’s not fair!”
And we respond with,
“Life isn’t fair.”
And that’s it.
Nothing else.
It’s no wonder we have an obesity epidemic and problems with drugs, alcohol, and tobacco.
We don’t give them the skills, or more importantly, the experience to deal with those unfair situations.
We say we are teaching problem solving skills.
And I am not bashing teachers here.
Society is painting them into a corner, and making an already challenging and demanding job increasingly difficult, and moving toward impossible.
But the worksheets aren’t helping.
When we were in school, it was the two trains traveling in different directions.
Or the same direction.
Or in circles.
I don’t know.
I could never solve those fucking problems.
And you know what?
I’ve never, ever needed to figure out, on a piece of paper, those train problems.
Now it’s Tyrone,
or Chung,
or Sam,
or whoever.
Which a bunch of boxes.
Or apples.
Or whatever.
You know, I’m not sure our children need help solving problems,
as much as situations.
Because I don’t often find myself confronted with the problem of having a bunch of boxes sitting in front of me, and being unable to count how many there actually are.
I do find myself in a situation where I have 4 kids who need to be in three different places at the same time.
Now that’s a problem.
How about coming up with 3 different ways to solve that one?
And one must involve asking another human being in a calm, respectful manner for help?
And another way must be handled completely on your own?
Because sometimes there are people there in life who are willing to help.
And sometimes there are not.
I have found myself in a situation with another parent,
or a doctor,
or my husband,
where I have been unable to effectively communicate.
How about teaching our kids how to handle those situations with completely losing it?
Schools are not preparing our kids for life.
Yes, these are parenting responsibilities.
But just as parents are expected to reinforce math facts and reading strategies at home,
I think the schools need to spend much more time reinforcing these life skills in the classroom.
Our kids are in a classroom six or more hours a day.
I can’t think of a better place for these skills to be practiced.
Instead, schools are preparing them for scores.
And in this current effort to leave no child behind,
we are essentially sending our children directly into dysfunctional relationships,
and rehab
and therapy.
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My wife went back to teaching last year. She is teaching 2nd grade and hates everyday of it. Most stressful job ever! No child left behind is gone, we now have Common Core and it sucks. 4 teachers so far have quit and more are dropping like flies every day. The government has made it so a teacher can not teach. Every part of Common Core has to be done every day at a specific time. The personal touch is gone. This Common Core has gone out across the country and it is just for test scores. I have always felt that teachers should be held accountable for low test scores, but that was when the teachers were allowed to teach their way. Now that everything is standardized, low test scores are the programs fault not the teachers.
I am hoping that they turn this into a reality series called “Last Teacher Standing” with like a $500,000 prize, because my wife refuses to quit and I know she could win!!
It is really sad to see that teachers can not use their creativity to inspire and motivate kids. I have family members in Massachusetts that are teachers. They are disappointed that MA is moving over to the Common Core, because MA has always had high test scores based on their own teaching system. The best teachers I ever had never followed the text book. They had their own way of teaching, we loved it and guess what…we passed those tests with flying colors (this includes NY State Regents tests)
Years from now, something “new and better” will replace Common Core.
I agree 100% – I couldn’t take it any more – mother of 5 – so I home school (2 of) my children. They get everything and more now.
The public school system is failing our children. They are forcing the teachers to ‘teach’ a certain way – and all of the wrong things – like you stated. In order to teach children, you need to adjust and teach them the way they learn best – not force them to your standards. It’s an impossible situation.
Agree with your points about the school! For me, school is the place where I meet good people and learn how to develop friendship. However, the school indeed did’nt prepare me to deal with different/difficult situations or life issues. Don’t have kids yet (but want to have some) and it gets me think about the value of education
Agree completely. My baby girl is only a mere 9 months old, but I already think about what I want, and hope for her to get out of the education system. And what I want her to learn that cannot be taught in schools. There is of course an abundance in the latter category. I understand a lot of it falls on me, but I agree, there should be a “life skills” class to help me out since she will be spending the majority of the time in her school.
Schools don’t have time to teach life lessons. They are too busy trying to get the test scores up.
The box thing was about spatial reasoning. Being able to picture something in your head and solve it (which you DO use in every day life…probably without realizing it). I have always been able to do this but my sister has a really hard time. I can try to explain something to her and unless I physically draw it out on a piece of paper she just has zero idea what I’m talking about. I don’t know if its genetic or if I just got those kinds of story problems in school and she didn’t.
As far as effective communication goes….it’s going to get worse (and has) due to texting. People don’t call each other on the phone anymore. They email or text. You can get your thoughts together before emailing/texting….face to face you have to come up with stuff right then. I also think that helicoptering parents are causing damage to their kids because THEY fight the battles for their kids (calling COLLEGE professors trying to get the grade changed etc) kids these days don’t have their parents saying “well, I’m sorry you are and Johnny aren’t getting along. Work it out.”….their parents instead call up Johnny’s parents and yap at them about what a putz Johnny is and to keep Johnny away from their special snowflake. or “Im sorry you got a bad grade on that test. Next time study more” instead they call up the teacher and yell at her because her teaching sucked.
How can kids learn how to make a decision, how to conflict resolve when their parents do it for them? Or worse, wont LET the kids make a decision or resolve their own conflict….(now Im not saying ALL parents do this…because obviously they don’t. But a vast number do)
Do I think that they need to have some type of effective communication classes from Kindergarten thru 12th? hell yeah….but they also need to have 13 years of classes for parents in how to let their kids actually use the stuff they are learning….
okay…stepping off my soapbox.
First of all, your blog ROCKS! You are the most real mom I have ever “met.” Thank you thank you for posting the truth that no one wants to hear. I’m a teacher and mom. Teacher 18 years, mom of 7 (today is my daughter’s birthday), and I couldn’t agree with you more about teachers NEEDING TO STEP UP and give kids the opportunity to practice LIFE SKILLS too. For example, you can’t say “no” or “skip” in my special ed class. In the real world, you can’t “skip” doing something on the job without a consequence. No, you are going to read that paragraph, and if you can’t read, the rest of us are going to read it to you, and then you’ll read it back as we sit next to you and help you all the way. We support each other in my special ed English and resource classes. Any little bullying I see, especially the subtle rolling of the eyes or whispers, I stop it. Pull the bully out in the hall. Give them a piece of my mind, and then tell them that they are special, too, and whoever gave you so much anger to hurt someone else is having too much control over you now. Let it go and mind your own business. Don’t worry about the fact that he doesn’t have nice clothes. You have some nice ones, why not donate yours and help a Brother out? Anyhoo….please keep posting because I now check your site every day! PS: God says you are beautifully and wonderfully made, don’t forget that!
This is EXACTLY why we now homeschool. Today, our 10 year old went into the post office (I was parked in front) alone to mail a package. Then I sent him into the grocery store to buy a gallon of milk (and he bought whole mile by mistake…live and learn) Big deal, you might think. But I don’t think our oldest child (now 30)knew how to do that kind of stuff until she was in her second year of college!
As an educator, I can tell you that there is movement in this direction. Some research has shown the benefits of character education on academic achievement; I recommend Paul Tough’s “How Children Succeed” as a good book on how schools are teaching character.