Number 7 has been having some separation issues in the mornings when I drop her off at preschool. I have no idea why. Every day with her is kind of a crap shoot.
So I’ve been giving her a reward on the days when she goes right into her classroom or outside onto the playground without making a scene when I drop her off.
We usually talk about what she wants for her reward when she follows the directions in the car on the way to school. It’s often a doughnut from Shoprite or ice cream from Costco since we often go grocery shopping after I pick her up.
But I’m basically just getting her a bunch of junk for a reward.
It is really easy to mindlessly give a crappy reward that takes two seconds.
And now that we are limiting Christmas gifts to something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read, I kind have a problem with buying stuff. Even if it’s food. Plus, while it’s not a lot of money, a dollar or two here and a dollar or two there every week adds up.
So today when Number 7 asked for gum and then for ice cream at Costco and then for a doughnut from ShopRite, I realized I had set a precedent that I didn’t like.
And I really wanted to reward Number 7 for doing the right thing with positive attention.
So I told her when she went right out to the playground this morning without any drama, we’d make cookies after school.
She’d still get a treat, but we’d also be doing something together.
And that was all the motivation she needed.
She did great at drop off, and so we spent some extra time together.
And when Number 6 got off the bus, he joined in the cookie making with us.
It wasn’t a huge deal, but the three of us had fun.
Yeah, they still ate cookies, but they were oatmeal cookies (Number 7’s pick), so I’m gonna count those as healthy.
Hopefully we get to the point where she doesn’t need a reward to do the right thing at drop off. But I don’t think that’s going to happen before Christmas. And I don’t think it’s going to happen right after Christmas vacation either.
So until then, I’m changing my rewards. If I want to be moving away from spending money on unnecessary stuff, I haven’t really been sending that message to the kids across the board. I want their treats to be events, rather than items.
If I really want to treat the kids, one-on-one time with me is probably the biggest reward I can give them, anyway.
And Number 7 is always asking me to do her nails or to make a craft with her, and I’m always telling her I just don’t have time.
But I do.
And that’s the kind of treat she really deserves. Time with her mom. Making memories.
You can’t get that in a ShopRite doughnut.
And there’s only so much time left where spending five or ten or thirty minutes with me is something she’s going to want to do anyway.
So I share this not because it’s some amazing thing that I made cookies with Number 7 (and 6) today, but because I am rethinking my definition of a reward, and maybe, especially during the holiday season, you might want to do the same thing, too.
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