I tried to do a yoga video last night.
In my house.
When the kids were still awake.
I told the kids I was going to be in my room for about a half hour.
I told them not to bother me.
As we all know, I should have just put a neon flashing sign on my door that said PLEASE BARGE IN AND BOTHER MOM NOW!
I got myself comfortable on the floor.
I listened to this woman lying on an empty beach and the sounds of the waves gently rolling against the shore.
Clear your mind, she said.
I exhaled.
I tried to feel “my breath moving through my body.”
“MOM! MOM?? MOOOOOM?”
Clear your mind.
“MOM??? WHERE ARE YOU???”
Clear your mind.
“”MOMMY? MOOOOOOMMY?”
Clear your fucking mind.
“MOOOOMMMMMMY?”
“I’M IN MY ROOM! LEAVE ME ALONE!” I screamed.
While clearing my mind.
And attempting to “feel the fibers of my clothing against my skin.”
BOOM. The door slammed open.
“MOM???
Um, what are you doing?” asked Number 4.
“I”M TRYING TO DO YOGA!” I yelled.
Clearing my mind. Of the f-word.
“Mom. That doesn’t look like yoga,” she said.
Clear your fucking mind.
“Can you please get out of here?” I said.
She left the room.
And the door wide open.
Number 3 walked by.
“Mom? What are you doing? Why are you lying on the floor like that?” he asked.
“BECAUSE I’M RELAXING! CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I’M RELAXING? THIS IS SOOOO RELAXING!”
“Mom? Why are you doing yoga? What is yoga? Can I do it with you?” he asked.
“GET. OUT.”
He left. He left the door wide open.
“CLOSE THE DOOR!!!” I yelled.
Feel your body sink into the floor.
You’ve got nowhere to go.
Clear you mind.
This is your time.
It was also Number 4’s time to slip into a coughing attack.
Until she gagged.
And puked on herself.
And that was the end of yoga.
I don’t know.
Maybe I’ll try again tonight.
But while it was supposed to help me clear my mind,
um,
doing yoga really only made me lose it.
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You made me laugh out loud. You described exactly what would have happened at my house if I tried yoga at home. You’re not alone!
Embrace the chaos. Lol!
So funny!! I just love it when my 5 year old barges in and wants to do my work out video with me…..sarcasm.
Boy do I remember those days. If it’s any comfort, they still do that as college students…including the puking. (That’s probably not very comforting, is it?) *leaves before she causes more distress*
Ha ha ha, You are funny. I perfectly understand you
ha ha! So true! I totally understand you!
This is great, reminds me of when I’m trying to work out to Sesame Street and my daughter is climbing all over me.
I started a home yoga practice about a year and a half ago. Never been to an actual class, but it has been a life saver for me. I have 3 kids, the baby will be 4 this year, so I totally get where you’re coming from! I can’t say its always fun, but I would recommend you keep at it. Eventually my kids realized I was going to keep doing it with or without their “support”, and today I’m able to do a full workout. Not in peace, of course, but without shouting throughout the thing! I found two places on you tube for free videos. My favorite is Yoga with Adrienne. She can be saccarine sweet to the point of nausea at times, but now she feels like an old friend, and she has a huge variety of workouts. Really, something for everyone.
The reason I commented, however, (and honestly yours is the very first blog I have ever commented on, I love yoga that much ????) was the other one on you tube. Cosmic kids yoga. It’s this Australian lady who guides kids through a workout by telling them a story….it might be something you could get the kids to do while you do yours in the other room? Good luck!
I can really relate to this one, haha! While I’m commenting right now, my 3-year old daughter is at my back, yelling at me that she wants to watch youtube!!!