Last week my friend A came over with her 3 kids and one of their friends to swim.
A is one of those chicks you love to hate. She’s a hottie, and after 3 kids she still wears a bikini. Her body very annoyingly bounced right back to shape less than 6 weeks after each kid. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
And she never looks like crap — unlike myself, I’ve never seen her out in public in her pajamas or completely disheveled. Who knows what she’s feeling like on the inside, but on the outside, she looks really freaking good.
And to make her even more unlikeable, things always seem to go her way. She’s got this great thing going as a tutor where she makes about 4 million dollars a day. Slight exaggeration, but she is seriously raking in the cash doing something that still allows her to be a stay-at-home-mom. She’s quick witted, smart, and a great athlete. A couple of years ago she entered a conest through a magazine and she won a fucking car.
The more I think about it, the worse I start swearing…
So anyway, last week she came over. Her 2 girls and their friend were in the pool. Her 21-month-old, N, was playing over on the swingset. A was walking back and forth between the pool and the play area in order to keep an eye on all her kids.
Walking back into the pool area she stepped on a bee and it stung the crap out of her foot. I had never heard her scream, until then. That little bee put a chink in her armor. I took her inside to get an ice pack.
She sat down to ice her foot, I looked over at her, and there was a pretty good sized trickle of blood running down her neck behind her ear. Not sure what that was, but another injury…
So after a little while, Amy was ready to go. She was trying to get her girls out of the pool. Her 5-year-old, B, can’t swim very well yet. She was on a noodle in the pool and she fell off where she couldn’t stand. She started going under.
I was sitting in a chaise lounge like a sloth. A was standing by the pool.
“GET HER!” I yelled.
A jumped in the pool in her cute little cover up. B, who is similar in personality to Number 4, was completely unphased.
A, on the other hand, walked out of my yard swollen, bloody, and completely drenched.
It was great.
The next day she texted me. She just wanted to let me know she pulled 4 tiny deer ticks off of N later that day after she left my house.
In a period of less than 2 hours, I had almost killed off her whole family.
I may never see her again 😉
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