Last week I had my first public speaking engagement at the public library here in town.
I called my presentation Staying Sane Through Motherhood.
One of the things I talked about briefly was how I have managed to stop yelling at the kids. How it’s been more than eight months since I yelled at them.
After I was done, I was talking with some of the women who came to listen to me speak, answering questions.
A couple of them asked me about the no yelling. About how I had managed to do that.
I explained to them about consistency and following through and stopping with the empty threats.
It’s still not easy for me to do that.
I’m better about it, but it’s not easy.
Today was not easy.
Number 3 has been kind of douchey lately.
He’s been annoying people on purpose. Being a pain in the ass just for the sake of being a pain in the ass.
He had a birthday party to go to today. And it was the party of his best buddy in his class.
A friend who is also one of his baseball teammates.
So a lot of his friends were going to be at this party.
He was really looking forward to going.
Like, a lot.
This morning he was in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher.
I was trying to get everyone ready to go to the Y so I could get a run in on the treadmill, and then I realized that it was Monday.
And Number 5 is supposed to have dance on Mondays, but I wasn’t sure if she had it today since there was no school. So I ran upstairs to send an email, and no sooner had I sat down than Number 7 started screaming downstairs.
I went down to see what was wrong.
“Number 3 pushed her and she hit her head on the table!” Number 4 happily tattled.
I just looked at Number 3.
Glared at him, actually.
I was really, really pissed. Because I knew he had pushed her just to be a jerk.
“I hope that was worth it,” I told him.
“Because now you aren’t to Johnny’s birthday party.”
His eyes bugged out of his head.
He tried to bargain with me.
I told him it was too late.
Then he started slamming shit around.
Taking cups out of the dishwasher and banging them on the counter.
Throwing a real fit.
I quietly told him that was not the way to go about redeeming himself.
And then, he stopped.
He silently emptied the rest of the dishwasher.
I got the little guys ready to go to the Y and Number 3 very obediently and quietly got his jacket, hat and gloves on and went out to the car.
He helped to buckle Number 6 into his car seat.
He didn’t do any of the annoying shit that he’s been doing in the car recently.
He completely removed himself from the least favorite kid list.
When we got home, I told Number 3, 4, and 5 to go clean their room.
Number 3 was the first kid to go up to his room.
He cleaned his stuff right up.
He was definitely trying.
And then he tiptoed down the hallway.
“Mom?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered him.
“Can I go to the party now?” he asked.
Ugh.
He had been good.
And he was so looking forward to the party.
And I felt really, really bad that I had taken that from him.
But I had to send a message.
Otherwise, the asshole behavior would come right back.
So I told him no.
He dropped his head, did an about face, and walked back to his room.
I felt bad. Really bad.
But caving would be a mistake.
A couple hours later, it was time for swim practice.
I told Number 3 to get ready.
And he did. Immediately.
I didn’t have to ask him the usual four or five times.
He went to practice and he swam his ass off.
He’s been kind of a pain at practice lately too.
Not tonight though.
Tonight he was great.
His behavior totally changed.
Not for a couple minutes because I yelled.
But for the entire day, because I sent the message that this was non-negotiable.
He got the message loud and clear.
And he showed me that he understood.
He won’t forget this lesson for a while.
It wasn’t easy being the bad guy this afternoon.
But it was extremely effective in changing the behavior.
And no yelling necessary.
Today’s post is brought to you by www.go-go-junior.com
That’s awesome! There’s a point in that story where everything could have changed if you had yelled.
It must have been painful to not let him attend the party at all. I have to remember to be strong through that temptation to give in too. 🙂
Cassidy
http://tuesdaystantrum.blogspot.com/2015/02/without-me-could-they-survive.html
Once you said” no party”, you had to stick to it. Good for you, but I wonder if the mom of the birthday boy understood?
I messaged her ahead of time and told her. She totally understood and was very cool about it.