I love to watch cooking shows. I usually watch them while I am in the kitchen making dinner.
But Giada De Laurentiis is really pissing me off.
I’ve gotten some good ideas from her. But I’m just about to the point where I can’t listen to her anymore. I find the fact that she has to say “spaghetti” or “pancetta” or “prosciutto” or “mozarella” in a perfect Italian accent incredibly annoying.
Even “pasta.”
She can’t even say “pasta” like a regular person.
Then there is the condition of her kitchen. It is spotless. And sparkly. And perfect.
Just like her Italian accent.
I’d like to know who cleans up in there. Yesterday I opened the bottom drawer in my refrigerator and, well, let’s just say I pulled something out of there that was a different color last week.
She’s also got a daughter who is probably about 5, who eats every single piece of food Giada makes for her.
Last week, I tried out a new pasta recipe.
Number 3 came into the kitchen, looked at it, and said, “Ew. That looks disgusting. Do I have to eat that?”
Giada’s little “Jadie” would have gobbled that shit right up.
On one particularly annoying episode of her show, Giada took her perfect, then 2-year-old to a museum.
Not a museum with dinosaur bones, or mountains of Legos that you could build shit with, but a museum with paintings hanging on the walls.
And the kid looked at them.
Without crying.
Or whining.
Oh, and then they went outside and ate a perfect little picnic lunch that Giada had prepared, including some apple and mint punch. My kids would have sprayed that crap out of their mouths like an elephant giving itself a bath.
And if you have ever watched her show, she is constantly eating.
And talking.
At the same time.
But when she talks with her mouth full of food, somehow it’s still cute. And she weighs about 12 pounds. She’s a tiny little thing, but with a great set of boobs. In fact, when I googled her to make sure I was spelling her name correctly, “Giada’s jiggly cleavage” came up.
Of course I watched it.
And now I dislike her even more.
Today I’ll stick with Ina. Her kitchen is annoyingly clean too, but at least my boobs are better than hers.
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