The Ten Most Useful Pieces of Parenting Advice You’ll Ever Receive

The Ten Most Useful Pieces of Parenting Advice You Will Ever Receive

10. Get your kid on a sleep schedule as early as possible.

9. Be consistent and follow through.

8. Give your kids responsibilities and hold them accountable.

7. Put room darkening shades and a white noise machine on your baby registry. You can thank me later for that one.

6. Teach your kid how to blow his nose as early as possible. Once he learns how to do that, it’s a game changer.

5. Do not let your kid push that little cart in the grocery store until you are fully prepared for him to Never. Sit. In. The. Cart. Again.

4. Do not ever let your child learn of Caillou’s existence.

3. Don’t freak out over potty training. Lots of kids are still crapping in a Pull-Up when they are three. Yes, I’m serious. No, your kid is not the only one.

2. Buy at least two “lovies” or “blankies” or whatever the hell you are going to call them. And use/abuse/wash them equally so your child can never determine which is the “right” one.

1. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT install any kind of shag carpeting in your home until your kid has proven that she can give you at least a 30 second warning before she is going to projectile vomit all over the place.