The Talk

Number 3 has middle school swim team practice on Sundays for an hour. Yesterday my husband had four of the kids and I took Number 4 along with me to Number 3’s practice.

After we dropped him off, we ran to Costco to get a couple things.

Number 4 seized the opportunity as soon as we were alone.

“Mom, a lot of my friends have asked me if I’ve had the talk.”

Oh boy.

“And I know about some things, but I don’t think I know about everything,” she told me.

I knew this was coming. And I don’t mind talking about any of this stuff. I think it’s good for all the kids to be informed about all the parts of their bodies and how they work.

I don’t worry about Number 4 being able to handle the information. Although she just turned nine a couple months ago, she’s ready for this. She’s a pretty mature just-turned-nine-year-old. She’s also super smart, very curious, and up for anything.

That’s why I feel pretty strongly about making sure she understands what’s going on with her body and what the repercussions of her actions are.

Now.

What I do worry about though is her sharing this information with other kids whose parents aren’t quite ready for them to know this stuff.

I did my best to drive that point home. And then I asked her if she had questions.

“Well, I know that you make a baby by having sex, but I don’t really know how sex works.”

Here goes nothin.

So first I talked about planting a seed. How you put a seed in a hole and water it and fertilize it and then it grows.

Then I explained about girls have ovaries and how there are millions of “seeds” in them, except the seeds are called eggs.

And how the ovaries are connected by tubes to –

“I KNOW!” she said. “YOUR UVULA!”

So next we clarified the (big) difference between your uvula and your uterus.

Now she had it down that the ovaries full of eggs were connected to the uterus by fallopian tubes.

I told her that once a month, your ovaries send an egg to your uterus, and if it gets fertilized then it grows into a baby.

“Yeah, but how exactly does it get fertilized?” she asked.

No turning back now.

I told her that a man puts his penis into a woman’s vagina.

“Ew,” she said.

Then I told her how a man’s penis shoots out this stuff called semen, and how semen is basically a glob of goo that is full of lots of little things called sperm which are like microscopic tadpoles. And the penis shoots the blob of semen full of sperm into the woman’s vagina, and the sperm swim to the egg and that’s what fertilizes the egg.

“SO YOU DID THAT WITH DAD FIVE TIMES???” she asked.

“Well, a few more than five times,” I told her.

“WHERE DID YOU GO TO DO IT? THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE???”

So I explained that it’s usually something you do at home.

“Does it hurt?” she asked.

“Not for the guy,” I told her. “At first it can hurt for the woman. But then when you figure out what you are doing, it feels pretty good.”

“IT DOES???” she asked, incredulously.

“Yes,” I told her. “And that’s why I want you to understand exactly how sex works. Because it’s a very grown up thing to do. And people often do it without thinking because it feels good. And boys may pressure you to do it because it feels good. But the good feeling lasts a very short time. Being pregnant and having a baby lasts a very long time.”

“Oh,” she said.

“And I want you to wait until -”

“I’m married?” she asked.

“Well, that would be ideal. But I want you to at least wait until you are pretty grown up and find a boy who you really love. Not a boy. A man. A man who really loves you. Someone who you trust. Someone who respects you. Someone who thinks you are as awesome as I do.”

She just smiled.

“Having sex is a really, really, really, REALLY BIG DEAL,” I told her.

“Okay, Mommy,” she said.

Mommy.

I was having a sex talk with my daughter who still calls me Mommy. She seemed so young and so old all at the same time.

How the heck had this happened already?

Wasn’t I just breastfeeding her not that long ago?

Ugh. Too fast.

And I’m well aware that in another blink of an eye, I’ll be sitting in a hospital room with Number 4, holding her daughter, my grandchild, and thinking back to this moment, wondering where the heck the time went.

Again.

But at least I’ll know that when she’s a mom, she’ll be prepared.

Because before she knows it, her daughter is going to unexpectedly say to her, “Mom, a lot of my friends have asked me if I’ve had… the talk…”

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