I think I am beginning to accept reality. I am trying to do too much.
I want to be able to do it all.
I want to run marathons and raise money for charity and grow my own food and learn how to knit and spend time with my family and write the blog and write a book and start a radio show and renovate some rooms in my house and start reading more and start playing golf again.
And that’s only a tiny fraction of my list.
I probably could find a way to do it all. But I wouldn’t be having fun.
Because I want to slow down. I need to slow down.
I am going non stop. All the time.
Checking off items on my list isn’t sufficient now.
Somehow if I actually do manage to check everything off, I have now convinced myself that I didn’t put enough things on the list.
Rather than checking everything off the list and then enjoying the rest of my day, or at least a part of it, I am adding more stuff to do.
What the heck is wrong with me?
I am not resting.
I am not relaxing.
I am still of the mindset that taking some time to do nothing is not an option for me.
It’s insane. And it’s burning me out. And I know better.
I hate winter. With a passion.
And this past winter here in CT was especially shitty.
Summer is finally here, I have a pool in my backyard that I have been waiting for nine months to sit and relax by, and I am not taking any time to enjoy it.
I do not want to have another September roll around and find myself wishing I could have a do over.
I know where a lot of this stems from. It’s financial. I have convinced myself that until we have plenty of extra money, I must keep going at this insane pace.
But maybe it’s possible that this insane pace is preventing me from getting to that level of financial freedom that I desire rather than helping me.
And besides, I wouldn’t tell someone else in my situation that they can’t relax at all until they have a few grand in an emergency fund.
That’s stupid.
Poor people deserve to rest too.
This didn’t just occur to me today.
I have been thinking about this for the past two weeks, and I have already made some changes.
How have I simplified so far?
I started getting up earlier.
This has made a huge difference for me. It has allowed me to start my day in a much more relaxed manner. I have time to think before the kids wake up. I can check a few things off the list before the madness of the day begins.
Eating those frogs and not having them hanging over my head has freed up not only physical time, but also emotional time.
I’ve stopped working at night.
I had gotten myself into the habit of getting the kids into bed and then doing some more work from 9:30 until 11 p.m.
Knowing I still had so much work to do when I really wanted to be relaxing or sleeping wasn’t helping me.
Committing to being done for the day by the time the kids are in bed has helped me to stay more focused during the day. Because if it doesn’t get done then, it’s not getting done.
And this also made it possible for me to get up earlier.
So what am I going to focus on for the next week to continue to simplify and to give myself time to relax?
Two things:
1) I am reserving Sunday afternoons for rest.
I’m not particularly religious.
Okay. I’m not religious at all. But doesn’t the Bible say that Sunday is a day of rest?
How did my life get so turned around that Sunday has now become the day for me to cram as many tasks and activities into it as I possibly can?
Just this past week I was thinking that I should set aside time on Sunday to teach swim lessons.
Um… NO.
I need to slow down.
And you know what I want to do?
I want to sit and read a magazine. From cover to cover.
I haven’t done that in a long, long time.
And if I happen to doze off while I’m doing that, well…
Good!
I deserve it.
This is going to be hard. I know I will struggle with ignoring the “you could be getting this or that done” thoughts.
So I’m going to start with just an hour on Sunday afternoons.
Baby steps.
2) I’m not taking the phone to bed with me anymore.
This one will be even harder. I’ve been using the excuse that my alarm is on my phone.
But I do have an alarm clock.
I’m going to start using it.
And I’m going to stop wasting time on my phone at night.
I’m staying up later as a result of looking at stupid stuff on it, and it’s not helping me get up earlier!
At 9:00 I’m going to turn it off.
And instead, I’m going to start reading again.
That’s my plan for this week.
How about you?
Have your Sundays gotten out of control?
If so, maybe this is your sign that it’s time for you to slow down, too.
Please vote!
Vivienne says
this has been my dilemma for years. The waking up Early was awesome until my kids found out. I set the time to be 5am. Then it just made my day longer but I made a rule – no work or kids talking to me until 7am. I itold them that I am officially asleep and it just appears that I am awake because my body is moving.m talking to me could be by very dangerous and so it is very important that no one addresses me directly. I hear them whispering about it. I’ve probably damaged them but they have started to titter. I don’t think they believe it but aren’t trying yet and so it’s still a win.
Night times harder, I usually go to bed at 12-1. I’ve been aiming for 9 for a 10pm sleep. For the last year, it hasn’t happened more than twice but reading your post, I’m going to have another go.
I used to think it was just me who worked at night but I’ve realised that this is the time that many mothers clean! I can’t imagine having to stay up and clean after working all day. I do work day times but when I worked at home I’d clean just in between but now I’m in gainful employment I’m struggling to find the time investigation has turned up that working mums do it all night. I’m so glad I’ve still got my “before I got this contract” job that I work on art night to save me from that.
I’m with you though, I’m going to join you. I already have a no electronic rule 4-7 as kids have sport and quite interesting lives I need to catch up on but I’m going to stop volunteering for things, I need to lose a job (sob sob so need the money) and exercise more. I haven’t exercised once since I decided two jobs was a good plan and more than anything that’s a bad thing for the psyche.
Keep writing about it, you can remind the rest of us……
Michelle says
I think this is wonderful! I was just complaining (ugh, now I’m going to complain about the fact that I’m wearing my complainy-pants) that I am burning the candle at both ends and I’m going to burn out soon. I like the idea of taking Sunday afternoons off from work-related crap! I am going to be a copycat and adopt this new “day of rest” philosophy. I have a night during the week that I don’t do any work after the kids are in bed for “date nights” with the hubby (which mostly consist of just binge-watching parks and recreation episodes.) 🙂 Good luck with slowing down- it’s hard for us moms to do so sometimes! 🙂
Amy says
It IS hard for moms to do!! I totally agree with that sentiment. I always, ALWAYS have 1,000 thoughts circling in my head. I always thought maybe it was just me, overthinking everything.
Allison says
How do you write your blog with kids not in bed? If I even try to type a text for 4 seconds I have children literally on me. Please share your secret–I really struggle with this. And it’s not just technology. I usually can’t walk through my house without saying “excuse me” 6 times, or sit in a chair without saying “my arm is right here, I need this space for my arm.”
Jen says
You are so very right. In general, I wear myself out. No one else expects of me what I expect of me. I have found that I am most tired on Thursday nights and Sunday nights. Sunday?! Are you kidding me, Jen?! I do it to myself. Cram it all in like you said. My body came to a halt on Saturday and I took a 2-hour nap. It was wonderful. May you find rest on Sundays. You have encouraged me to stop bringing my phone to bed too…starting tonight. Thank you.
Charlene says
Great moves! I decided to do digitial detox on Sundays. The day feels so much longer and more relaxed!
Chrissy says
Fantastic post! I can totally relate and even started taking Sundays off! (Well, sorta….I am a work in progress!) Writing helps! Check out my new blog. Any suggestions? https://chrissy-mckenzie.squarespace.com