The Perfect Gift

A few days ago there was a video circulating around Facebook of a teacher who starts off every day complimenting his students one by one.

In his first year of teaching, the teacher did this on certain days, like on “Toast Tuesday.”

He said that on those days, there was a noticeable difference in how his kids behaved. They were more motivated, happier and better behaved. And that’s why he started doing it every day.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this.

What if I did this at home?

Would it change my kids’ behavior and attitude?

And what about my marriage?

What if every morning, I complimented my husband?

He’d probably wonder what it was that I wanted. Or he’d have a slight heart attack.

The kids would probably wonder what the fuck happened to their mom.

Because I’ve got to be honest.

I don’t start their days off that way.

I don’t greet them with a compliment.

Quite often, I greet them with a heavy sigh. Or an eye roll.

Or I greet them with an It’s too early for you to be up. Get back into bed!

Or with a Hurry up! What are you doing? Why aren’t you dressed yet?

I’m always rushing and hurrying. I’m hardly ever appreciating.

I’ve been wondering how starting the day off with a genuine compliment might change my children’s attitudes and behavior.

I bet if I did it enough times, it would wear off on them. I bet they’d start complimenting each other if it was modeled for them enough.

Because to be honest, there is a lot of competition going on in my house right now. A lot of, who was a better swimmer when…? or who was a better reader…? or who started talking/walking/whatever earlier…?

And I’m also noticing that when one child is complimented or recognized for doing a good job at something, another kid immediately feels threatened.

I bet if I started off each morning giving every kid in the house a sincere compliment, this behavior might change. And I bet they’d start complimenting each other without being prompted.

And I’m certain my relationship with my husband would change if I were to do this with him.

Because if I’m being honest, he’s getting quite a few heavy sighs and eye rolls, too.

We are pretty much in a Mexican complimenting standoff.

I’ve not been complimenting my husband too much (or at all) recently because I’ve been waiting for him to compliment me first. And he’s been doing the same thing.

It’s not working.

What if the first thing tomorrow morning I told him, no matter what had happened the day before, You are the most handsome man I know.

Or I am so impressed that you wrote a novel.

Or I think it’s really great that you give the kids a bath every night while I’m at practice so when I get home they are all ready to go to bed.

I think that might be powerful enough to change his whole outlook on the day.

Because I’ve thought about how I would feel if it happened to me.

If my kids woke up, walked downstairs, and unprompted, said to me, Mom, you are great swim coach! or You make the best smoothies! or You really helped me understand my math homework last night!, that would feel pretty great.

If my husband walked into the kitchen tomorrow morning, looked at me and said, You are one funny lady! that would make my day.

Today happens to be my husband’s birthday. We stopped getting each other gifts a couple years ago when the money troubles began.

But this year, that is the present I am giving to him. I’m gonna take some initiative.

And tomorrow morning, rather than getting the resting bitch face he’s become accustomed to, I’m going to greet him with a smile and a sincere compliment.

Same thing for the kids. An early Christmas present for them. First thing. Right off the bat. A genuine compliment for each of them.

Even if I had all the money in the world, I don’t think I could get any member of my family a better present than that.

 

 

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