My family really knows how to pump me up before a race.
I received a wetsuit from Team in Training for the swim portion of the triathalon. Last night I figured I’d better try it on to make sure it fits. I’ve never worn one before, and getting into it was like squeezing 150 pounds of sausage into a 75 pound bag. With my husband’s help, I managed to pack everything in there and zip the thing up.
“Whoa! That’s sick!” exclaimed Number 2.
I went to look in the mirror. I was kind of impressed with myself. The thing is like SuperSpanx. I might wear it under my dress to this wedding in July…
“Don’t I look like kind of a bad ass in this?” I asked my husband, admiring myself.
“Well, you look like you’re about to be shot out of a cannon,” he said.
I glared at him.
“What?” he said, laughing.
“I look like a freak show circus perfomer. You’re hilarious. And you’re also not allowed to come anymore.”
“Mom, why are you wearing that thing when you’re just running?” asked Number 3.
“I’m not just running, I’m also biking and swimming. This is for the swim,” I explained.
“How far do you have to swim?” he asked.
“Not too far. A half mile.”
“What if a shark tries to eat you?”
“A shark isn’t going to try to eat me.”
“What if a dolphin thinks you are a shark and tries to paralyze you?”
Where does this kid come up with this shit?
“Nothing is going to happen to me. I’m not going to be attacked by anything.”
“Is anyone with one arm going to be in the race?”
“Okay. Enough. Thanks for the pep talk guys.”
Look out, Tony Robbins.
You. Go. Girl!!!!!