Potty mouth? Me? WTF are you talking about?

Not too long ago, Number 4 asked me, “Mom, why is a bad word a bad word?”

And I had no answer for her.

“That’s a good question,” I said.

“Who decides which words are bad, and which ones are okay?” she continued.

And all I could come up with was, “I have no idea.”

I, myself, am quite partial to cursing.

There’s nothing like letting out a nice big  Fuck!

Or a What the Fuck?

Even better, an Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah, I like that one a lot.

I’d say that letting out a big fat swear is my equivalent to a kid taking a pull off a pacifier.

It just makes everything momentarily better.

Now, I don’t swear in front of the kids…

And I try to be repectful.

Well, of some people.

Like my grandma.  Although she wouldn’t really care.

But if there is someone who really seems to have a huge stick up his or her ass, oops, I mean behind, well then, I just let her rip.

The more fucks the better.

I guess that’s not one of my finer qualities.

But it’s the truth.

And if you think that typing WTF is any different than typing what the fuck?….

Well, I’d have to disagree with you.

Because when I see WTF, I don’t say to myself, WTF?

I say to myself, What the Fuck?

So just because you don’t take the time to type out the entire word or phrase, it doesn’t mean you’re avoiding possessing a potty mouth.

At least in my opinion.

So anyway, not too long ago, some of my writing was published in a book titled Bumptabulous.

This morning I read a review of the book.

And here is an excerpt from that review:

I wish the book had less profanity in it.  Most of the stories have absolutely no swear words, but a couple of them dropped the F bomb and that was a turn-off for me.   The writers are obviously intelligent women and I am sure they have more creative vocabularies that wouldn’t require them to curse like sailors. 

Hmmmm.

Now see… that chick right there — she’s one of the people in front of whom I’d feel compelled to curse.

Like, a lot.

Fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck fuck.

Anyway, I went back and read what I wrote.  I knew there were swears in there, but I wanted to see how many there were.

I had approximately 2500 words.

And of those 2500, I had one shitless, one bullshit, one fucking, and one ass.

Four curses out of 2500 words.

So 99.84% of my words were sans cursing.

That’s pretty fucking good if you ask me.

But, maybe she’s right.

Maybe I’m intelligent enough to utilize a more creative vocabulary that wouldn’t require [me] to curse like a sailor.

Maybe my New Year’s resolution should be to develop a more-creative-while-always-maintaining-a-G-rating vocabulary.

Yeah.

That’s my resolution.

Hmmmm…

On second thought.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck that.