I used to be a teacher.
I started out as the full-time aide to an autistic student.
After that, I spent three years as a 6th grade teacher.
And then six years as a 4th grade teacher.
I loved working with the kids.
It was extremely rewarding.
But even 10 years ago, in my last year of teaching, the public schools had already taken a turn for the worse.
The ability to plan activities that allowed for the kids’ creativity and individual strengths was slowly being eroded from the curriculum.
Opportunities for teachable moments and even,
gasp,
fun,
were becoming few and far between.
Now they are virtually nonexistent.
My little town’s school system has recently been slammed by the Board of Finance.
It is looking like there will be hundreds of thousands of dollars cut from next year’s education budget.
Teachers will be cut, class sizes will increase, freshman sports may be cut, and foreign language instruction will not be offered to elementary students.
These are just a few of the potential outcomes resulting from these cuts to the budget.
This Common Core bullshit isn’t helping.
If you don’t have kids in elementary school right now, you may have heard of Common Core, but not know exactly what it is.
Apparently our schools are pumping out high school graduates who are not capable of handling the demands of a college education and who are ill-prepared to succeed in life.
So a bunch of people came up with a set of math and language arts standards that all children, in every state, should be meeting at the end of each grade.
These standards measure, I guess, the basic fundamentals of reading, writing, and math, but also test the area in which our children are currently failing in epidemic proportions as young adults.
Higher order thinking skills.
As a result, now our schools are spending the majority of their time teaching kids to answer problems so that they can meet these standards.
Solving math problems using non traditional methods.
I get this.
Kids are learning different ways to solve problems.
We want them to understand the concept and the process.
Not just some rote method that they memorize to get the answer.
We want them to apply these processes of determining the answer to other areas of their lives.
Because their lives will present them with many, many complicated problems.
Not easily solvable, one step subtraction problems.
Unfortunately, we don’t present them with real world situations in which to put these higher level thinking skills to use.
There is no time left.
And there is another larger problem.
Solving problems takes time and hard work.
And lots of it.
And that is where, I believe, our students are failing.
Because that is where we are failing our children.
Parents.
And teachers.
We are not teaching our kids the value and necessity of hard work, occasional failure, and perseverance.
I am not of the philosophy that once you become an adult you are obligated to work your ass off for 52 weeks a year in a thankless job that makes you miserable.
I want to earn money doing something I enjoy.
Something that gives me personal fulfillment.
Something that I’m good at.
I think that last point often confuses people.
And kids, in particular.
Because having a natural ability for something and really enjoying doing it doesn’t mean that you don’t have to work hard to be successful.
Michael Jordan, Michael Phelps, Derek Jeter, Mia Hamm, Danica Patrick, Maria Sharapova…
They don’t just wake up and walk onto the court or the deck or the field or the track and kick everyone else’s ass.
Mark Cuban and Oprah did not become bazillionaires overnight.
Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga and Pharrell and Adam Levine didn’t just sit down one day, record an album, and then rake in the bucks the next day.
Nothing comes easily.
Nothing.
And that is where parents are failing.
It is hard to hold your kids accountable.
It is hard to not give in to the whining. The begging. The pleading.
It is easy to make excuses.
It is easier to do your kid’s project for him than it is to actually make him do the work himself.
For some reason, we won’t allow our kids to sit with their shitty project, that they spent 5 minutes on at the last minute, and feel embarrassed about it.
We argue with teachers and we contest final grades.
We make excuses.
We give ribbons and trophies and awards for accomplishing almost nothing.
For coming in last place.
We teach our kids that they are always awesome.
We demand that everything is equal.
We ruin parties and birthdays and fun times at school for everybody else because maybe our kid won’t be able to participate.
Even though that is what happens in real life. You know, when you are a so-called adult, and are out in the real world.
We tell our kids they are amazing when sometimes they aren’t.
Not even close.
We worry about making our kids feel bad.
But sometimes they should feel bad.
Really bad.
We want to protect our kids from every single thing.
It is hard to see your kids fail.
To feel disappointment.
Or full on devastation.
But eliminating those feelings from their childhood and teenage years is much more damaging than experiencing the feelings themselves.
And it’s dangerous.
We as parents, are not preparing our children for the realities of adulthood.
Sometimes it sucks.
Sometimes the solution to the problem is easy.
Other times, it’s not.
And then there are the teachers and administrations.
Yes, there are good ones.
But there are, unfortunately, many who are not holding kids accountable either.
I know it is difficult to deal with these parents.
These parents who want to hand everything to their children in a neat little package.
These parents who threaten lawsuits for any and every reason.
But schools have now adopted the policy of offering retests when a kid fails.
So why bother studying?
You can just take another test.
An endless opportunity for second chances.
Although adulthood doesn’t work that way.
Then there is the kid who goes into the end of the marking period with a C- average but who gets a B on his report card.
Because the teacher hadn’t averaged in homework.
And participation.
Or because they know giving a kid the grade she actually earned, putting a C or a D or an F on a report card will result in a phone call from a parent demanding that the grade be changed.
So, they cave.
What a disservice to the student.
And society.
We are allowing kids to graduate almost no matter what they do.
Yeah, I know it started with that No Child Left Behind garbage.
But you know what?
Some kids should be left behind.
They should be held back.
Colleges should be given an accurate reflection of their applicants.
Not some pussified, over inflated, easy button version.
Our kids are ill-prepared for college and for careers because we are allowing them to graduate when they have not met the basic requirements.
Our kids are not prepared for college because they did not actually earn anywhere near a 3.0.
Or sometimes even a 2.0.
It takes time to study.
It takes hard work and attention to detail to produce a decent project or essay or whatever they call them now.
Athletes train for years, to play in a series that may last for a week or two.
Or a championship game that lasts a couple hours.
Or an Olympic race that lasts just seconds.
Years of training for a 5 second race.
The ratio of the amount of hard work you have to put in to experience that moment of victory or a good grade is almost always inversely proportional.
Big time.
But we don’t teach our kids this.
We want to make everything easy.
And in doing so, we are making everything much more difficult.
We might be able to get rid of Common Core.
But in order to do that, parents and teachers are going to need to start using some common sense.
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Irene C. says
You took the words right out of my mouth!
Kelly says
Maybe the lesson, isnt hey you came in last place – you’re awesome. But rather, you are awesome because you are – and you are aweswome because you tried. It is a bigger lesson, in my opinion, that you do not always have to be first. You do not always have to win. That is NOT the goal. Sure, its great and a bonus. But you have to be a good sport. You enjoy and have fun with what you are doing and are happy for someone if they win. Because winning is not the goal – participating and trying your best is the goal. I’m trying to teach that to my son right now. He’s five, and he always wants to win. He has a great time, when he comes in first. But if he loses, somehow he gets a little sour and the activity was not longer as fun. I dont want my kids to think they have to be better than anybody else. it is be the best you can be. be a good person. Be happy for others. your tag of “third place sucks” (or second not too long ago – never saw it changed). but i dont think it sucks. You have a following. we enjoy you. we enjoy your stories, tips and blog. you enjoy writing it. It is a win win. Nothing sucks about third place…
I do agree with parents doing their kids projects, and they shouldn’t. Because it goes back to wanting your kids to be the best, and better than the others. Again – we miss the point. I think we need to stop trying to compare our kids to others out there and putting the main emphasis that they must be better than their peer. It will just lead to kids who strive for the wrong goal (to win) and not to enjoy the journey itself…
The C+ Parent says
I’m a teacher as well. I taught at a partnership school that was created for students with autism and adhd. I didn’t go to the public schools in our town. We moved to the suburbs in the summer before my 7th year. I am now a substitute teacher what has to be the craziest bunch of weirdo staff, students and parents I have ever known. I love the kids. They’re kids. Okay I’m lying. They make me physically ill from the effort of not shaking them like the little do in Men in Black; however, in the end, there is always one that keeps me coming back. I am so afraid of the state that our schools are in. My daughter is a junior and I’m looking forward to severing my ties with public education. That’s terrible. I’m a great teacher but when I attempt anything innovative like project based or 21st century learning, I’m always told to not do so much. I don’t know. I sure hope something changes because I can’t imagine a world with the apathetic children, parents and staff that I run into daily. It breaks my heart.
The C+ Parent says
I meant the dog in Men In Black. That is going to send me to coo-coo. OCD is real, people.
Deanna says
I find it interesting that the people of my generation (for the most part) grew up…went to school…made it into college, out of college, into some type of career….without their parents ever calling the teacher to complain about a grade on a test/assignment. I would have been mortified had my mother called one of my teachers about a bad grade. I knew that if I got a bad grade, it was my own fault. I also was given the tools by my parents to fight my own battles if need be. I took care of my own crap.
My 2nd grader gets frustrated and angry if things don’t come easy to him. I refuse flatly to give in to him (and let him not do whatever it is because he “can’t”) Part of being able to muddle thru adult life is being able to handle frustration, disappointment, anger, jealousy, etc etc…..
because if they can’t and they act out……the police have something for them that will make them feel super special snowflakey.
Melanee' says
I ride my kids hard at home when it comes to school work, will not give them the answers but will assist them in going over things and telling them to look at the question again. We ride them about paying attention in class, do what you are told to do, whether you want to or not, it’s your job and you can’t half-ass it, that’s not how the real world works. Don’t know how many calls I’ve gotten this year with my 12 year old son. The teachers give him options and then complain to me he won’t do his work. The teacher has said repeatedly that she doesn’t want him to hate her. We’ve said, who cares, we worked harder for the hard ass teachers way back 30 years ago. We finally said, I’ll come to class and sit with and follow him all day, don’t care if it’s embarrassing. She wants us to control him from home, doesn’t work that way. Do your job, don’t try to be a friend, kids like my son will use it and play the teacher. He is punished at home, but there’s only so much we can do from home. Needless to say we are transferring him to a tougher academically driven school. There are too many movie days as well.
Kisa Johnson says
I looked through some of my 3rd grade sons Common Core math packets, and was wondering why the heck they overcomplicated the stuff! He didn’t understand it so we had to figure it out together. A simple math problem was just too much work. 25 – 6 = 19.. It’s pretty simple math. Obviously they want him to draw a picture of 25 apples and then cross out 6 and count them or something. I guess it works for 1st grade, 2nd grade.. who knows, but after that.. why should you need to fully explain a simple problem??
April says
Truth
Joanna Norland says
Have you read ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom’? I’d be interested in what you thought of it, as you touch on similar themes — though Chua would have found it hard to step back and let her kids fail. I think the athlete in you sees failure as part of the learning curve. Agreed, that as a parent, you are constantly fighting the ‘everything is awesome’ culture to try and teach your kid: YOU are awesome b/c of the wonderful, warm, curious, generous person you are, but to DO awesome work, you also have to work awesome hard.
Amy says
I teach 7th/8th grade science in California. I just figured out which 8th graders will be able to go to promotion ceremonies (not go to 9th grade, because everyone will get to go). All they need to go to promotion is a 2.0 GPA and no suspensions in the last 30 days. 50% will not go. I have only 20% of my students passing my science class. Not because I can’t teach. Not because I am a hard grader. But because I do the unthinkable. I insist they DO SOMETHING IN CLASS AND TURN IT IN! OMG! How dare I insist on such a thing !
Can;t wait for the backlash when the parents get the letter saying their kids don’t get to go to the ceremony.