One part tough. Two parts irresistible.

Contrary to what you may think after reading yesterday’s post, I liked the Alice I interviewed on Monday.

A lot.

And I’m really looking for much more than an Alice.

The job I posted was entitled ” looking for nanny/personal assistant/housekeeper.”

I made it clear that it wasn’t strictly watching the kids. Or cleaning. Or running errands.

That it would be a combination of all three.

She seemed to fit the bill.

Younger applicants can be great as far as having lots of energy and occupying the kids.

But they don’t have that Mom factor.

That experience factor.

That when-this-lady-gets-home-she-is-not-going-to-want-to-deal-with-this-or-that-or this background knowledge to draw from.

I’m not looking for someone at this point just to keep the kids alive while I am trying to get some things done.

I don’t want to have to spend an hour after I get home reeling my kids back in.

And that’s why I liked this Alice.

I left out one part of the story.

You see, in order for me to have an Alice, I’m going to need to find a way to pay for her.

For almost two years, I have worked my ass off on this blog.

Every day.

Every. Single. Day.

Weekends.

Holidays.

Birthdays.

Sick days.

When I started in April of 2012 there was no Facebook page for the blog.

I would write a post and put it on my own personal Facebook page.

I would email the link to people I knew who weren’t on Facebook.

Eventually, the blog got its own Facebook page.

And now, 20 months later, it’s got just about 5000 followers.

I made it onto Parenting.com’s list of 2013 Top 10 Mom Blogs.

I’m consistently number one or two on the TopMommyBlogs.com site.

I have a pretty big audience to advertise to.

In addition to the blog, I started a furniture repurposing business.

I’ve got my fitness e-courses and aspirations to be a personal trainer.

Both of those things have been fairly successful.

But lack of time has kind of brought these things to a standstill.

I have set myself up for being able to make money while working around the number of kids we have. The number of young kids we have.

I have set myself up for maintaining flexibility.

For being able to make some money while still volunteering at school, going to class parties, watching basketball and baseball games, coaching the swim team, and taking the kids on playdates.

I have set myself up for success.

But I haven’t been able to capitalize on it. There is only so much time in the day.

I know I can bring in a decent amount of money.

More than the amount of money I will need to come up with to pay Alice.

If I have some time.

Time to work.

20 hours should be enough to start.

When I put up the job posting, I said that I could pay $15/hour.

So I need to come up with $300 a week.

I can do it if I have the time.

I don’t have the time until I have an Alice.

I can’t have an Alice until I have the time.

So it’s a bit of a Catch 22 in getting started.

I got to work last Saturday.

On Saturday afternoons my cousin’s daughter comes over for two or three hours.

For free.

To play with the kids.

So I used that time to post a bunch of things on the local Facebook tag sale sites.

Back to Alice…

I forgot that someone was coming to look at something I had posted on one of those tag sale sites during the time that Alice was here meeting us.

There was a knock on the door while she was here.

I had to run out to the garage to show the woman I forgot I was meeting a couple of flower boxes.

I left Alice alone inside with my feral children.

The lady I forgot about bought the boxes.

I was $40 closer to paying for a week of Alice.

And when I came back inside, the three youngest kids were all sitting at a table.

Drawing.

Coloring.

Calm.

Quiet.

So Alice didn’t suck.

She was sitting with them, handing them markers.

One at a time. And putting the tops back on them.

Even the right color cap on the right marker.

I thought about slashing her tires so she’d have to stay.

Because she had told me that she had those two other interviews.

One of them was offering 30-35 hours per week.

I couldn’t compete with that.

And when Number 7 walked into the room a little while later with half a tube of mascara smeared all over her face, I was certain Alice would never be heard from again.

Now I never answer the phone.

As soon as I do, there will be at least one child attached to one of my limbs.

I rarely even check the messages.

But I did yesterday.

I had about 12 new voicemails.

I got to the last message, and it started off,

Hi Susie. This is Alice…

I exhaled, dropped my head, and slumped my shoulders.

I braced myself for the courtesy, thanks but no thanks message.

Thank you for meeting with me yesterday.

I’d like you to know,

that…

I would like to accept the position.

And I can start on Monday.

Holy Shit.

Ho. Lee. Shit.

My life is going to change on Monday.

In five days,

My. Life. Is. Going. To. Change.

I couldn’t believe it.

I still can’t.

So maybe I’m a little bit cuckoo.

Maybe we’re all a little bit cuckoo.

Maybe it makes people a little bit scared of us.

But I guess it makes us a little bit irresistible too.

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