One day her name will be in lights. Just not this year.

One of the hardest parts of being a parent, one of the parts that no one really prepares you for, is how hard it is it see your child disappointed.

To see your child sobbing, uncontrollably, feeling helpless, feeling like her reaction and her feelings are completely justified but not being able to do anything to make her feel better, well, it fucking sucks.

Number 4 has been dreaming and waiting for the fourth grade play for years. And auditions finally came.

About ten days ago, she auditioned for Peter Pan Jr.

And three days ago the cast was announced.

Keep in mind, last year, her brother, who could really have cared less about the fourth grade play and who auditioned kind of on a whim, shocked us all when and got the lead in it.

Unlike her brother, Number 4 has been wanting to be on stage for years. She loves to sing, and she has a beautiful voice. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “She belongs on stage” or “One day, she’s going to be a star.” Not just from friends and relatives. From teachers. From principals.

I know I’m not completely objective.

But in this department, she is definitely very talented.

So I’ll be honest. I expected her to get a lead role. Especially after her much less talented brother got the lead last year.

All day this past Wednesday she waited for the cast to be announced on the school website. When she got home from school I was out finishing up some last minute Christmas shopping. I knew she’d be dying to know, so I checked the website while I was out.

Shit.

She didn’t get Wendy. She didn’t get Peter Pan. She didn’t get Captain Hook or Tinkerbell or Mr. Smee.

She did get a speaking role, though.

But I knew she was going to be upset.

I called her at home. I asked her if she wanted to go up into the office to check the cast list herself.

“Just tell me, Mom,” she said.

I didn’t really know what to do. There was no way to sugar coat it.

“You got a part with some lines, but it’s not one of the parts you wanted,” I told her.

“It isn’t?” she said.

Her voice was cracking. It was killing me.

“Mom! What part did I get?” she asked.

“You’re one of the Lost Boys,” I told her.

“What?” she cried.

“You’re Cubby,” I told her.

And she lost it.

I tried to help her get some perspective. I tried to explain how it’s not a terrible role.

“MOM! I’ve been waiting for this my whole life!”

And then she was just hysterical.

I felt awful. And I wasn’t even home, so I really couldn’t do anything.

I got home about an hour and a half later.

She had calmed herself down, but as soon as I walked in the door, she started bawling again.

“Mommy! Mommy!!!” she cried.

It was awful.

I tried to be helpful. I tried to help her feel better. I tried to put things into perspective and tell her she still has a speaking part and a lot of other kids would be really happy to have her part.

It was hard. Because I had no clue who Cubby was. I had to Google him.

And when I saw this, I was a little bit confused.

But the play director must have a reason.

So I tried to explain that if there was a new show coming on the Disney channel and Selena Gomez and that chick from Liz and Maddie and the girl who plays Teddy on Good Luck Charlie all auditioned for a part in a new series, only one of them would get the part.

And that wouldn’t mean that the other two weren’t really talented. They just weren’t right for the part.

That put things into perspective for her. A little.

After that I just kind of left her alone.

Later that night, when I was putting her to bed, Number 4 said to me, “Mom?”

“Yeah?” I answered.

“I’ve been thinking about the play.”

“And?” I asked her.

“Well, I’m not going to be sad anymore…

I’m just going to be the best Cubby out there!” she told me.

We both smiled. And then we both cried.

I just love that kid so much.

One day, she’ll get the lead role she was meant to get.

And when she does, I’ll be right there in the front row to watch her.