When you are a preparing for the arrival of a baby, you hear all about childproofing the house.
The yard.
The car.
Everything.
You read about the dangers of this:
The experts tell you to take precautions to avoid this:
Your friend will tell you about a scare she had with this:
Yes, those are all dangerous.
But nothing is quite as dangerous as this:
Because that thing will fuck up your nap times.
It has been known to put children to sleep in under a minute.
And there is nothing more dangerous than a mother whose nap time has been taken away from her.
In this house anyway.
I need that time for myself.
Maybe so I can unload the dishwasher.
Fold some laundry.
Pay some bills.
Or just sit in a chair without a kid touching me.
Or sneezing on me.
Or wiping snot on me.
Or just annoying me.
It is my sanity saver.
I do not skip naptime.
Yesterday I strapped and unstrapped Number 6 and 7 into their carseats 8 times before 2:00.
The first 4 times were not in the danger zone.
But those last 4 times?
I was playing naptime roulette.
Checking the rear view mirror every 5 seconds.
Feeling my blood pressure increase with every passing moment.
And I went through every trick in the book to keep those two awake.
Because they have unfortunately outgrown that stage where even if they fall asleep in the car, you still have that fifteen minute window of opportunity to get them into their beds.
It’s all or nothing now.
So in case you haven’t been told, here are some precautions you should take/maneuvers you need to master/supplies to have on hand in order to guarantee the safety of your nap times.
And sanity.
1. The reach behind an grab/tickle a foot or leg maneuver.
If you are not within reach of the child, make sure an older sibling is.
2. Lollipops
Have a crapload of them in your car.
3. Radio/DVD player/and your car’s volume knob.
Make sure that all three are in working order at all times. You will need them. Even for a 5 minute trip.
4. Extra blankets
You will need these for your last ditch effort.
Because when you have already tickled the shit out of your child’s foot, the music is blasting at a million decibels, she is double fisted with lollipops, and then starts to nod off, you will open all the windows in the car and blast the crap out of her with an extended 50 mph burst of air.
No matter what the temperature is outside.
So until there is a car seat on the market with a built-in shocker that detects when your kid is about to fall asleep and gives them a little zap, keep those tricks at your fingertips.
And if I see you on Shark Tank trying to market that electrocuting car seat idea, I’ll be expecting a 5% royalty.
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I had a friend that used to use a water bottle, on the fine mist setting. She would spritz the kid whenever he started to nod off. Never tried it myself but I thought it was hysterical.
The fire hose technique. That’s a good one.
I never thought of lollipops! I just yell (scream) their names and randomly do a brake check.
LOL : “So until there is a car seat on the market with a built-in shocker that detects when your kid is about to fall asleep and gives them a little zap”
What is it about the car that zonks them out? Everyday my son falls alseep on the way home from daycare. I have been known to bring the carseat inside and let him continue to nap so I cook, or clean or make a phone call.
also love the water bottle fine mist idea. Hysterical!
Haha! I’m so with you on this one. There’s NOTHING worse then not having that little window of quietness taken away. So I’m headed to my workshop to begin work on the shocker car seat – I’ll let you know how it goes.
HILARIOUS. Someone without kids would never understand the lengths we mothers will go through to protect the 60 minutes of peace we look forward to all morning!
OMG Even though my guys are older now I never had anyone understand the agony for me for that last 5-10 minutes ride home close to nap time. I did the tickling feet. I sang a the top of my lungs. I rolled the windows down no matter how cold or rainy. I would yell “look at the cows” when there weren’t any there. I would come barreling down my street with my mini van on 2 wheels and screech into a stop in my driveway. If you screwed that nap time up everything was screwed for the day…..I am scarred today from those times.
OMG! Hilarious! Reading this while sitting at the Y while the kids have swimming lessons. I laughed out loud, so loud that all the other parents looked at me. I showed the lady beside me your blog and she did the same thing. Spreading the word about you, you make me laugh every day,thanks.
Ha! That’s awesome. Thanks for passing me along 🙂
Ah, the hours my husband spent sitting in our minivan while our son napped. I swear most weeks it was about ten hours. It was either sit in the car reading, or wake up the toddler. Fun times.
Yeah. It kind of takes the fun out of nap time when you are trapped there with them 🙂
My daughter just turned 3 and has given up naptime….it sucks. Maybe it’s just a phase…
I hope for your sake it’s a phase…but as the magic 8 ball says… outlook not so good.
Oh yes, I’ve done them ALL!
I haven’t tried the fire hoes technique yet, but I have done the sudden brake stomp, with no traffic around of course. That is the LAST resort. By then, the music is usually blaring, the windows are all down, and she’s already finished her sucker.
I used to think of myself as the nap time gestapo, but now I know I’m not alone…..
hehehe.. thats just hilarious! good to know I’m not the only one who LOVES naptime. Although, it feels like a luxury now with three kids in the house.:(