Look Up

Yesterday Number 3, who is a ten-year-old fifth grader in middle school, had a winter breakfast first thing in the morning.

It’s a tradition for the 5th graders.

The parents all sign up to bring something in, the teacher projects a nice warm fire on the white board in the front of the room, music is playing in the background, and the kids all sit family style around a couple big tables or groups of desks. They talk and laugh while they eat pancakes and eggs and bacon and waffles and cereal and fruit salad and drink hot chocolate.

The parents are invited to come, too. Fortunately, I was able to go yesterday.

It was really, really nice.

I noticed something though, when I was standing there talking to the other moms and watching the kids actually making eye contact and socializing.

I saw a couple boys with cell phones right next to their plates. I was a little bit surprised that the kids, ten-year-olds, 1) even had phones, and 2) were allowed to have them out on their desks during class.

Even if they were just eating breakfast.

But once the kids were done eating, something unsettling happened.

One of the kids took out his iPad, and about ten boys crowded around behind him and just watched him.

The talking stopped.

The laughing stopped.

The eye contact stopped.

Everything stopped.

And the kids turned into mindless, blank staring zombies.

It was kind of disturbing, actually.

Why is this even a thing? Why are middle schoolers allowed to have this stuff in the classroom with them? I don’t get it.

Actually, I do.

The night before, I was at a swim team party at an indoor sports complex. Most of the kids and the parents were in an area that had a big obstacle course bounce house thing in it. The kids were lined up behind it, waiting their turn to race.

There were about eight moms standing over to the side.

And at one point I looked down the row of moms, and every single one of them was staring at their phone. Scrolling and texting.

It was equally as disturbing as what I saw in Number 3’s classroom yesterday morning.

To be honest, the only reason I wasn’t doing the same thing was because my phone had died and I had to leave it out in the car to charge.

But for the first time in a while, I was present.

And it struck me as ironic, because we moms talk about how quickly the kids are growing up, how the milestones are coming one after another, rapid fire, how we are so sad, how we miss those times when the kids were younger, but when we have opportunities to just observe our kids, to watch them having fun, we are glued to our phones.

I get it. It’s hard to be the parent who won’t let your kid take technology on the bus or into school. Your kids can be relentless. Especially when everyone else gets to bring their phone or iPad or iPod and they are the only ones who can’t.

And sometimes you just want a break, and you want your kids to leave you the fuck alone.

But we are making the problem worse. Until we put the phones down, we can’t expect our kids to do the same thing.

You can’t see Christmas lights and sunsets and all the other beautiful things there are out there to see when your face is constantly tilted down at a thirty degree angle.

And your kids are missing out on a whole lot of experiences when they are doing the same thing at school.

Phones and iPads shouldn’t even be an option in elementary and middle school. Sure, if the teacher has the kids using iPads that are school property, that’s one thing. But why the hell do ten-year-olds need a phone in the classroom and everywhere else they go?

They don’t.

Don’t teach your kids to look down.

There’s a lot that you (and your kids) are missing out on.

Instead, make 2016 the year you start looking up.