Living in the Could Be

One of the things holding me back from pulling the trigger and going through with a divorce was taking the kids away from the home they had grown up in.

Whether their father moved out or I moved out or we both moved out and the house was sold, they were going to be spending less time in the only home they had ever known.

Ultimately I left the house and found a new place to live. 

It was a terrifying decision for me to make. Extremely uncomfortable. Full of unknowns.

The sentimental side of me couldn’t imaging leaving the home where I had raised the kids. 

The rational, reasonable, and logical sides of me knew it was the best decision for me and the kids for a multitude of reasons.

I was still scared shitless to tell the kids.

Once we had a closing date, we arranged a time to show the kids the house.

I broke the news to them about 20 minutes before I took them to see it.

They were shocked as they didn’t see this coming. All along they thought (and I thought) I’d be the one staying in our house.

So they were unsure and hesitant and had no idea what to expect.

But once they saw the new place, they were so excited. 

I wasted a lot of time worrying about something that never even ended up happening.

Isn’t it funny how we do this?

Sometimes you get so wrapped up in how things have always been that you can’t fathom them being any other way.

No matter how shitty they are.

Thank God I got over that garbage!

Now that we’ve been here for about a month, I’m discovering more and more AND MORE amazing things about the new neighborhood we live in.

Last week Number 7 and I discovered the nicest little hiking trail near our house.

I’ve recently discovered a love of hiking, so this made me very happy.

There’s nothing like being in the woods.

It reminds me so much of the woods behind my parents’ house where I grew up.

There are tons of fallen trees and rocks and Number 7 loved climbing on them.

It was so pretty and quiet and peaceful.

“Mom, I LOVE our new house,” Number 7 told me on our little hike.

I’m right there with her.

Every day I discover something amazing about our new digs.

And one thing I love about it isn’t the actual house or the lake or the hiking or the great running roads or the quiet or the view or my new office or the beautiful neighborhood.

It’s that this place is a clean slate.

While there will always be things about the old place I miss and love, I can’t really imagine living anywhere else now.

Because the old house held as many unhappy memories for me as happy ones.

But sometimes your vision is so clouded by the way things have always been that you miss out on all the things that could be.

This is one of the biggest lessons this divorce has taught me.

I’m seriously living in the could be.

And I’m having lots of fun filling up the clean slate with new memories.