Because I like lasagna. And bulletproof coffee tastes like ass.

In the past four years, I have been very successful at losing weight.

Unfortunately, I’ve also been very successful at gaining most of it back.

As you know, last week I (re)joined a fitness/weight loss challenge since I’ve (re)gained twenty-five pounds in the last year and my body fat percentage now puts me in a category that nobody would deem healthy.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. And assessing. And reevaluating.

And I’ve finally pulled my head out of my ass.

In the past four years, I have been very successful at losing weight.

Unfortunately, I’ve also been very successful at gaining most of it back.

I’ve lost weight in a number of different ways.

I’ve worked out like a psycho.

That worked. Until I couldn’t maintain it anymore.

Then the weight slowly crept back on.

Then I tried a food delivery company.  They offered me a free month of food in exchange for some promotion on the blog.

It sure was nice not having to even think about what I was going to eat or having to spend time preparing it.

That method worked too.

Until I had to start thinking about what I was going to eat and preparing my own food again.

Plus, there are only so many times you can microwave and eat frozen chicken and vegetables in a row before you lose your shit.

Next I cut out all sugar for a month.

That worked too. Until the first day after a month of no sugar.

Then, I might have eaten a month’s worth of sugar the next day.

The most recent thing I tried?

Whole30.

That was about seven months ago.

There were things I liked about  Whole30.

I liked that it got me back into the routine of preparing food and paying attention to the kinds of things I was putting into my body.

But you know what?

Coconut oil in your coffee, as much as you try to brainwash yourself, well…

It tastes like shit.

I’m done with all the fads.

The next big thing that comes along? The latest rage? Even if it’s the ice cream diet?

Fuck that.

Unless you have an allergy or an illness, there is no need to cut out entire foods or entire food groups.

There is no need to completely cut out sugar.

There is no need to completely cut out gluten (I never tried that one).

There is no need to model this nonsense for our kids.

Whole30 didn’t make me feel amazing. It didn’t give me boundless energy.

I did feel good by the 30th day.

But that was because I was proud of myself for following through with something.

Not because I felt invigorated and energized.

I also didn’t lose much weight on that one at all.

Probably because a cup of (semi) “bulletproof’ coffee made with  2 tablespoons of coconut oil has 234 calories in it.

234 calories!!!!

And when it comes down to it, calories are calories.

Whether they come from skim milk or half and half or fucking coconut oil, you can’t eat more calories than you burn.

It doesn’t matter if you eat 2000 calories worth of Oreos or  2000 calories worth of  chicken breast.

If you are eating more calories than you are burning off each day, you are going to gain weight.

It’s not that complicated.

But we make it so complicated.

Bad habits and eating too many calories make you gain weight.

Not sugar. Or bread. Or carbs.

I mean, if you eat all the sugar, you will definitely gain weight.

And chances are, if you eat 2000 calories worth of Oreos you will feel pretty crappy.

If you eat 1700 calories worth of healthy shit and  300 calories worth of Oreos, you’ll probably feel pretty good.

So that’s the place I’m trying to get to.

And I’m getting closer.

My goal for this year was to stop eating my dinner on the couch while I watched TV.

I am proud to say that I have eaten every dinner and probably about 60% of my other meals, seated at a table.

That is a big deal for me!!!

Last week I worked out for  a total of about 450 minutes (I have to keep track for this challenge I’m doing).

That’s about an hour a day.

Not extreme, but I have definitely cranked it up a notch.

I had to perform a fitness assessment yesterday. I had to see how many push-ups and sit ups I could do in 30 seconds, how long I could hold a plank, how long I could hold a wall sit, and how long it took me to row 500 meters.

Here were my results:

Push-ups: 13

Sit-ups: 10 (from lying flat on my back with legs straight out in front of me)

Wall sit: 45 seconds

Plank: 48 seconds

500 meters rowing: 2:26

So I’m moving in a healthier direction.

My eating habits are improving.

And I do have more energy now.

Not because I stopped eating sugar and dairy and gluten and carbs and anything else that is not on the Whole30 list, but really just because I dislodged my cranium from my rear end.

I look forward to that fitness assessment in 11 weeks, because I’m going to kick some ass in it.

Oh yeah, and my pants?

They are maybe 5% less tight.

So I’m a little bit stronger, I’m a tiny bit tighter, and my habits are already a whole lot healthier.

And I didn’t have to completely give up any food groups to get there.