Yesterday I wrote this post about how I was no longer going to get on my kids’ cases about getting ready for school in the morning because it was 1) ineffective and 2) driving me fucking insane.
To quickly summarize, my kids know what it is they are supposed to do, but they just weren’t doing it because they were fooling around and playing or fighting, and every morning I found myself doing the hurry up the bus is going to be here any minute freak out.
But one of the big things I have going for me is that my kids like to take the bus and missing it really bothers them.
To the point of absolute hysterics at the mere thought of missing the bus.
So I’m lucky in that respect.
Some people were wondering though, What do you do if your kids would be more than happy to miss the bus?
Yeah, that makes them being motivated to get out the door on time a little more challenging.
Here is the thing.
You may be telling yourself that you don’t have a routine set up in the morning.
But in reality, you do.
It just might not be a routine that’s working.
I had established a routine of constantly reminding my kids to do the same things over and over. And they had learned the routine of ignoring several reminders until the most frantic one came two minutes before the bus was gonna be here, and then they knew they actually had to hurry.
So if your kid doesn’t give a rat’s ass if he misses the bus, then you’ll need to take a different approach.
And since this is a new approach, it’s a new routine, and establishing new routines takes some time and patience.
There’s probably not an immediate fix. But with some effort and consistency you can make a change to a routine that works better much more quickly than you think.
So what do you do?
Here’s what I would try first. I read this in my new favorite book Positive Discipline A-Z, but I also did this same kind of thing with more than one parent when I was a teacher myself.
Talk to your child’s teacher. Explain to him/her that your kid isn’t taking responsibility for what he needs to do each morning in order to get on the bus. Ask the teacher if he/she would be willing to help you teach your kids about natural consequences of being late to school.
I would wager $5,000,000,000 that any teacher who has a parent who is willing to teach her kid take responsibility for his/her actions and to learn the very important life lesson about natural consequences would do just about anything to help you.
If you child got to school late, the teacher could have your child make up the work during recess or after school.
Once you come up with a plan with your child’s teacher, let your kid miss the bus.
Don’t rush to drive him to school on time. Let him know that you hadn’t planned on driving him and you are not going to drop everything to get him there, and tell him what time you will drive him (but I would make it after the actual school day starts).
Don’t yell or sigh or roll your eyes. Don’t threaten or take anything away.
Drive them to school, give them a kiss, and tell them to have a great day!
Then, let the natural consequences of being late unfold on their own.
There is a very good chance that it will only take a couple missed recesses or after school stints to get your kid to change his ways!
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As a teacher, I can say I have never had a parent let their child experience any natural consequences. Also. I cannot take away any recess time, recess is mandated by state law.detention is no longer allowed because it might embarrass the kids.
It sounds like your school won’t allow the children to experience natural consequences either!
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I’d love to hear if you or your readers have any other suggestions for how to “prod” the kids in the morning. My kids don’t take the bus, I have to drive them to school, and then get myself to work. So there is a time crunch. If the kids are late, I can’t just kiss them and send them on their way and let the teacher’s consequence rule. If they are late, you have to walk them to the door, wait to be buzzed (the school is kept locked)into the office, sign them in, explain why they are late, get them a late pass and then send them off to their class. Our teachers won’t take away recess either (and I agree that they shouldn’t; for the “good” kids it probably wouldn’t happen often and would be no big deal, but what about those kids who are “in trouble” every day? They are the kids that NEED to run around and burn off some of that pent up energy). And the consequence of extra work would end up being part of homework – 7-8 hours later. Now I am 15+ minutes late for work and the kids have to do extra HW, which I have to make sure is completed. Seems like I am suffering the consequence! Sorry for the long rant. As I said, any other suggestions would be appreciated!