I just had my three month anniversary.
Three months of not yelling at my kids.
(If you want to see how I made it through the first two and a half months, read this.)
It’s still not totally automatic.
In addition to Serenity Now, I have added the following mantra to my repertoire:
There are days where it’s not so bad.
And then there are days where I’m really tested.
Like this past Wednesday night.
I was up late working in my office which is across the hallway from Number 3, 4, and 5’s room.
As I finished up and headed downstairs, I heard noises coming from their bedroom.
I thought maybe I had left my phone in there when I said goodnight or something.
Quietly, I opened the door and discovered what the noise was.
Number 3 and 4 were each watching a movie on their Kindles in their beds.
It was 11:15 p.m.
I was livid.
The fact that it was a school night was reason enough to be angry.
But the fact that they knew better was what really pissed me off.
A moment of patience in a moment of anger…
I took a deep breath and asked for the Kindles.
They handed them over without a single protest or attempt to justify their actions.
They knew they were totally busted.
The next day I told them it would be a while before they earned the Kindles back.
We talked about the meaning of short term and long term.
And then I had to do what is much more difficult than the no yelling.
For me, anyway.
The follow through.
A couple weeks ago I wrote a post about the least favorite child.
While my commitment to not yelling and to consistently following through with consequences has resulted in a significant positive change in all the kids’ behavior, some are taking a little longer than others to really get the message.
Number 3 is often in the running for the position of LFC lately.
He had been invited to a friend’s house on Saturday.
The day after Halloween.
I had set myself up to unload my potentially LFC on my least favorite day of the year.
It would for sure make my day easier.
After the Kindle episode, I knew what I needed to do, but I did not want to do it.
But I needed to send a loud and clear message.
I texted the mom of Number 3’s friend and told her that he had gotten himself into trouble and couldn’t come over on Saturday.
And then I told Number 3 he had blown his playdate.
He was both shocked and not surprised at all.
Then I let Number 3 and 4 know that they would not be given one penny for the book fair which was going on at their school.
They didn’t say a word.
The Mom-is-no-longer-fucking-around message is gradually sinking in.
Last night we went trick-or-treating with friends.
It was kind of a last-minute arrangement after our original plans fell through.
I was concerned about how all the kids would behave with the sudden change of plans.
I was even more concerned when my husband was running really late and I had to head over to my friends’ house with Numbers 3 through 7 on my own.
I had never attempted trick-or-treating completely solo.
Not only did my kids do okay,
they were totally awesome.
They listened, they were respectful, they followed directions, and they totally made me proud.
When the little ones ran out of gas we headed back to my friends’ house to do the obligatory candy sorting.
It was the first time my kids had been inside their house, and I was, again, nervous about how everyone would behave.
I hadn’t fed them dinner, they were totally jacked up on candy and it was already past their bedtime.
It was a recipe for disaster.
And my kids killed it.
All of them.
And today? The day after Halloween? One of the shittiest days of the year for many of us? A day that was made even shittier by the cold, rainy and miserable weather that trapped us all in the house?
Well, it totally didn’t suck at all.
They are getting it.
I know they will still test the limits and pull crap they know they shouldn’t do.
But I also know that keeping my cool, staying consistent, and following through is much more terrifying than any of the Halloween get-ups they saw last night.
This still holds true:
They hear the whispers loud and clear.
And I’m totally sticking with it.
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Bravo!! You CAN do everything!! I use the same techniques with 30 kids in my classroom. Follow thru with consequences–they ALL will get the message, and a few consistent testers.
You’ve EARNED it!!! My hats off to you!! Have a great weekend with your family. And, try to get some relaxation in with the hubby.
I love this post. It’s so real, and I love that you’re actually seeing results from making a big (difficult) change! I rarely yell, or even raise my voice, I’m good at talking calmly, but I’m absolutely terrible at following through with things! If I say no treats after dinner tonight, it’s more than likely that by the time after dinner rolls around, and I’m not as upset with something they’ve done (or not done) I give in to a treat after dinner. It’s so hard! I’m going to work on it.
Glad you all had a great halloween 🙂
Aw, thanks Amber! And we did have a great Halloween 😀
LOVE this! With 5 under 9 yrs. I never imagined being “yell-free”. My yelling has decreased thanks to your posts but not totally @ the “no yelling” stage, yet. I am getting better w/ my follow-thru……My 4 yr old missed trick or treating w/ his siblings as a consequence. Nailing that part. Now if only my 6 yr old would quit pushing EVERY f**king button I have!!
They never stop pushing those buttons! Hang in there 😉