I have been doing quite a bit of soul searching in the last few months. For lots of different reasons.
The difficulties in my marriage have really prompted me to take a good, hard look at myself.
Parenting teenagers and pre-teens will certainly encourage a person to do a whole buttload of self-reflection.
I suppose approaching my 50th birthday has something to do with it, also.
As I near the half century mark, I find myself feeling so much different than I did ten, twenty — or even two — years ago.
I guess experience and wisdom has something to do with it also.
And here is what I have come to realize:
I have lived most of my life being really, really,
REALLY
concerned with what other people thought of me.
I have spent most of my marriage attempting (unsuccessfully) to either change myself in the hopes that my husband would treat me differently or figure out how to make my husband get it. And get me.
I have worried constantly about what other parents thought of me.
I have worried about what blog readers thought of me and I have spent lots of time trying to explain myself when I’ve been misunderstood or wrongly accused of something.
I have devoted so much energy in my lifetime trying to change the way people felt about me.
And you know what?
I DON’T NEED TO CHANGE ANYTHING.
Not in order to convince somebody else of something.
Sure, there are always things I can work on.
There are things I can improve.
There are things I want to improve.
We have never really arrived.
I think we are works in progress. Forever.
But the work we do shouldn’t be in order to change someone else’s opinion of us.
Because no matter what you do, you can’t control how or what other people think.
I mean, anyone who is a parent knows this.
And I have finally reached the place where I am okay with people being wrong about me.
I give the whole entire world permission to be wrong about me!!!
I am totally NOT done with trying to change/improve/enlighten myself. FOR ME.
But I am sure as shit done with trying to do that for other people.
If other people think I’m a shitty mom?
Fine. Let ’em think that.
I’m okay with them being wrong about me.
Someone thinks I’m not trying hard enough in my marriage?
Fine!
I’m okay with them being wrong about me.
Someone thinks I have no moral compass because I drop the occasional f-bomb?
Whatever.
I’m okay with them being wrong about me.
(Okay, and maybe the f-bombs are more than occasional).
Someone was given misinformation about something I said and now they no longer talk to me?
I have let that shit eat me up, but not anymore.
I AM OKAY WITH THEM BEING WRONG ABOUT ME.
I’m halfway through, man.
I am no longer willing to devote any of my remaining (and very valuable) time, brain space, and energy worrying about the misguided.
That serves no purpose for me.
They can think what they think.
I know who I am. And that’s the only opinion that really matters.
But the one thing I will spend some time on?
Working on remembering that if people are wrong about me, well, then it’s very possible that I could be wrong about them, too.
It took me to 60 to realize I can only change myself & to not really give one fuck what anyone thinks of me. Trying to do my best everyday. You definitely have this! Continue with being the best you!
Thanks, Kathy! I’m so glad I am realizing this now so I can teach it to all my kids while they are still young!!!
You nailed it. I still have issues with this. I know I shouldn’t worry about what others think about me. But here I am still doing it. Starting today I’m going to just use all that energy for other things. Not worrying about what someone thinks about me. Thanks.
It’s a big mindset shift, and it takes lots of practice, but it’s totally life changing. Keep practicing!
I once read (I think in a Wayne Dyer book) that “Another person’s opinion is their business, not yours”. He said it more eloquently. But the idea is the same, to relieve yourself of that stress bc it’s not your concern or in your control. I try to think this way because I’m really trying to help my 8 year old daughter understand this. Girls can be tricky, no matter their age. Thanks for the reminder to just let the opinion of others go.
Yes, Megan! Girls can be brutal! And we have been taught to teach the “wrongdoers” to change what they are doing rather than teaching our children how they can manage their own thoughts. Such a paradigm shift, but SO EMPOWERING.
Also – “Working on remembering that if people are wrong about me, well, then it’s very possible that I could be wrong about them, too.” This idea is so important!! Another great reminder Suzy – bring compassion where ever you go.
That’s a tough one to remember 🙂
Love this! I am right there with you. Years ago I heard something said…”what other people think about you is none of your business.” Sounds a bit harsh but I find it may be true, because as you mentioned, they very well may be wrong. I especially liked your ending…”it’s very possible that I could be wrong about them, too.” A little grace can really take all of us a long way. 😊
This has been a big learning curve for me this year. Especially in the last few months. My newest mantra is “ I am not for everyone I guess.” Thank you for always saying what I am thinking.
It took me a long time to figure this out. There are days that I still struggle with it but for the most part I don’t care what others think. I travel all over the world with my daughters. I moved my daughters and I to Mexico even though I am a single mom and family didn’t agree. Life is good!
Thank you so much I really needed to hear this today. ❤️
💯❤️I love this post so much! It’s such a hard life lesson! Ugh! I just hope our kids learn it sooner than we did! 🙏🏻✌🏻
Thank you Sarah!
We are working on it!