I went out to eat with my cousin a few weeks ago and she asked me if I was dating at all and I replied with F*CK THAT and she was a little surprised.
I belong to a Facebook group for divorced women and there are tons of posts about “never being able to find someone” and about how online dating sites are totally sketchy and I’m over here like I’M WAY TOO TIRED TO EVEN THINK ABOUT WORRYING ABOUT ANOTHER PERSON FOR EVEN ONE SECOND.
Here’s the deal.
I gave up so much of myself for so many years when I was married I’m still figuring out what I even want and like.
I want to know who I am before I try to let someone else know who I am.
Right now I don’t have to compromise or run anything by anybody else.
Someday I might be in a place where I’m willing to do that again.
But not yet.
Who knows.
Maybe not ever.
When/if I do eventually feel ready to date someone, I sure as shit will not be doing it online.
I’ll be open and ready to receive while I’m actually doing the things I like to do… going to the beach, paddle boarding, hiking, going to flea markets…
I’m finding people I KNOW have the same interests as me.
Not the ones who lie about it online.
I need evidence.
Which is why I’m not dating yet. 
Because I still have major trust issues.
And until I get that stuff straightened out, I can’t be part of a healthy relationship anyway.
Need some help focusing on yourself?
Join Not Your Average FREE Challenge.
Register today!
Completely agree. My focus is on me. I’m enjoying getting to know me again. Doing things I like. It’s been way too long. If another relationship happens, great. And if not, I’m good. I am surrounded by people who love and support me including ME! That’s what’s important.
I’ve been divorced for five years, (after starting the divorce process ten years ago – what can I say? He refused to sign the papers.)
I have not dated and do not ever wish to; I was busy raising two children. Now that they are 22 and 18, it is MY time.
I agree with you that I love not having to answer to anyone or worry about a partner or any of that. I did that for 20 years (27 if you include the years we dated before marriage) and I have no desire to do it again.
Agreed. I’m 49 years old, almost seven years out. And I’ve signed up for POF and FB dating. But I’m finding it’s not time….or that’s not the way I need to meet people. I’d like to get to know someone in a group setting. See how they are before showing interest. I trust no one LOL. My ex was a full blown narcissist. No support, doesn’t see the kids, drained me in every which way. I now know how to live on my own and it isn’t bad.
I was married for 21 yrs add 3 yrs b4 that. Divorced now for 33 yrs. Tried the boyfriend thing for 5 yrs and gave up. I found that I was unsuitable for a remarriage and chose unsuitable guys. So I cut the shackles of needing a guy after much therapy. My life needed a rekindling of Christian spirituality, similar to what I grew up with. I had replaced it with more secular pursuits which suited my marriage partner. Not his fault. I was a mess too. My big issue is how the husband, with anger, blames the wife for the problems….you did this, you didn’t do that….. He’s onto his 3rd wife.
I got my Christian spirituality back with the help of loving girlfriends, thank God. And will keep it that way.
If I had it to do over again, I would’ve NEVER gotten involved or married after my divorce. I know some people can do it, but it’s been way too hard & the problems are too complicated too. BIG MISTAKE for me anyway!
My hubby says there is nothing a woman at fifty a man can do for her that she cant do for herself!
Well I say there’s nothing a woman at any age needs a man for.
Amen!!
I was married 25 years. After my divorce I loved the peace. I wanted to see how I would live and what I would do with my time without the influence if another adult.
I told a friend who wanted me to date that if I created a life I loved, the people who should be in my life, would be in my life.
I didn’t really date for 7 years. I started a business, got sober, resurrected the artist who had been dormant for too long, and healed…. I didn’t want my broken self to be attracted to another broken person.
I went to visit a customer in the hospital who had a stroke. The other person sitting in her room was there every time I visited her. That’s how we got to know each other over a few weeks.
Our first date was a hike on New Years Day 2012. He won me over with a sandwich he handed me when we stopped for a break. It had a napkin folded up in the baggy. I was charmed. (I’m low maintenance apparently…)
It was the only way I was going to meet someone, I had no real desire to date. We dated 5 years before we married. 12 years after my divorce.