The other day I taught swim lessons to a brother and sister, and once their lessons were finished, they had a little free swim time in the pool with my kids.
About twenty minutes into the free swim, the sister did something to annoy the brother, and he sort of whacked her in the head a couple times.
The mom, was, understandably, not happy.
She just kind of looked at me, feeling embarrassed.
I reassured her.
“It happens here all the time,” I told her. “I’m just glad it’s someone else’s kids doing it right now.”
“Yes, but do you ever yell at them?” she asked me.
I didn’t really used to yell.
But lately, especially with the stress of the money troubles and my husband’s surgery,
oh yeah, and the seven kids,
I have lost it a couple times.
Okay.
Maybe more than a couple.
“Yes,” I told the mom.
“But I haven’t cursed at them yet, so at least there’s that.”
The last time I yelled at the kids,
like really yelled,
was on Sunday, when I was driving Number 3 and 4 to a swim meet.
They did something to the DVD player in the car so it didn’t work, and I just lost it.
I yelled.
I screamed.
I’m not even sure exactly what I said to them, although I’m pretty certain I threw quite a few empty threats out there.
Number 3 and 4 grew quiet for a minute.
They didn’t cry, though.
They didn’t apologize either.
In fact, they didn’t really even look remorseful.
Nope.
As I continued on my screaming tirade, do you know what those two little shits did?
They laughed at me.
Which, in turn, made me even more furious.
So I yelled louder.
And the only outcome of my tongue lashing was perhaps a burst blood vessel in my own neck.
The yelling did not change their behavior.
But it did make me feel like an out of control asshole who just spent 5 minutes modeling the exact behavior that I tell them not to engage in with each other.
Since then, I’ve been thinking about that.
Because I don’t just yell at the kids.
I have been known to go off on my husband.
Sure, I may have reason to be upset.
But the yelling just makes me feel….
bad.
Gross.
And I don’t want to feel that way anymore.
I don’t want to be a yeller.
I want to reclaim control.
Sooo….
I’m putting it out there. I’m making a proclamation.
I’m not going to yell anymore.
At all.
It’s going to take a lot of leaning in,
and even more whispering,
but dammit,
I am done with the yelling.
And I’m also very thankful that on this,
my first self-imposed, yell-free day,
I was not anywhere in the vicinity of the house when Number 7 flushed a big ass Duplo block down the toilet.
Registration for my next e-course is OPEN! Sign your ass up today!
I need your votes to stay at #1!!!
VOTE ! VOTE! VOTE ! VOTE! VOTE ! VOTE! VOTE ! VOTE!
I’ll keep writing, you keep voting!
All you need to do is click on the banner above to register a vote for me!
You can vote one time every 24 hours from your computer and cell phone! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! I really appreciate your support!
Check out and “like” the not-your-average-mom.com facebook page!
Follow me on Twitter @mom_not_average
I’m a yeller…I don’t like it, but I am. When my kids were little (1, 2, and 6) I was going thru a divorce… no money, stressful times. My kids were all fussing and the oldest one and middle one were yelling at each other. I asked them why and the 6 yr old says, “but mom, we learned it from you.” OUCH!!! That still hurts me to this day, 14 years later. Now that they are older, i don’t have to yell… and I’d like to say I never did after that day. But I’d be lying.
Love the honesty- thanks for sharing!
Yes, my mom does that to me all the time.
“wait till your dad gets home”
god can I relate to this! My husband and I are a house full of yelling fools when it comes to our 6 and 3 yr old.. and like your kids, they just either ignore it or smile and run off. All the while, I can actually feel the veins throbbing and pressure rising! This has to happen in our house too.. time to stop yelling, and start the scary whispers!
I, SWEAR, Susie, the last few posts have hit me like a ton of bricks! Every one of them spot on for that particular day! As a Mom of 5, I keep hoping (and praying) there’ll be @ least 1 we don’t screw up!!
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for making me feel like a REAL Mom! And lending some practical advice, too.
There’s always things to learn from each other. Another amazing mom I’ve learned from calls herself The Orange Rhino and she challenged herself to stop yelling at her children (4 young boys) for 365 days. I’d recommend her blog for anyone who wants suggestions on how to stop the cycle of yelling: http://theorangerhino.com.
I am a yeller at times too and I hate it. Just makes me feel like I am making the same mistakes as my terrible mother. Eww!! Thanks for letting me know I am not alone and there is hope for us yellers!!
My mother was a yeller. She yelled about nearly everything. It never scared me (even when I was little. Probably because I was so used to it) Most of the time I would tune her out and just nod my head. Other times when I couldn’t tune her out I would wish that she would just go ahead and spank me so we could move on (when she yelled…she didn’t just yell for a little while…it went on and on). When I was about 10, she was yelling at me for something (and it had gone on for what seemed like hours —and probably was hours—) and I decided right then and there to NEVER yell at my kids (or husband) when I had them….and I never have.
You can get your point across so much better when you can talk calmly about whatever it is….along with the fact that the person can actually understand you. When people scream/yell…they tend to not make sense because they let their anger get in the way of rational thought.
I totally hear you… The only thing yelling does is make you feel so out of control and kind of foolish feeling