People often say to me, I don’t know how you do it with 7 kids.
And to be honest, sometimes I don’t either.
When I found out I was pregnant with Number 6, I was a little panicked.
Actually, a lot panicked.
Especially when he started out as twins.
It wasn’t exactly planned.
The day after I had that first ultrasound and found out there wasn’t just one baby, but there were actually two,
I was sitting in the dentist’s office while Number 4 had her first check up.
I was so freaked out still, that I told the hygienist all about it.
It was our first time in that office.
I started crying.
Well, I must have been there for a reason. That sweet hygienist was one of nine kids.
And she said to me,
“Having 8 brothers and sisters was the biggest gift my mother ever gave me.”
And then she started crying.
It turned into a regular old Steel Magnolias moment in that office.
But the hygienist put me at ease.
And I hope it’s the same for my kids.
I really hope the relationships they have with each other now carry through to adulthood.
Because, in my experience, the people who are there for you once middle school, and high school, and college are finished,
when your boyfriend dumps you,
or you do something stupid,
or you go through a divorce,
or you are in serious financial trouble,
are your family members.
And the other day, I was in the yard with the kids.
Number 5 was driving Number 7 around in the Barbie jeep.
Number 3 was teaching Number 6 how to play baseball.
Number 1 was cutting the grass, and Number 4 was doing her own thing on the swing.
It was a really wonderful moment.
And when the kids look back on their childhoods,
I hope those are the snapshots they have in their heads.
The kids are lucky to have each other.
But there is one thing that has been really difficult for me to manage with more than a handful of kids.
One-on-one time with them.
When Number 4 broke her elbow, I told her we’d have a “special day.”
After her cast came off we’d go celebrate.
In August.
Before school started.
Just the two of us.
Then we got the news that the cast would be on until the second day of school.
At least.
I had pinky promised that special August day,
so I kept my word.
It didn’t have to be a castoff special day.
I’ve been pretty open about our financial difficulties.
Number 4 wanted to go to a spa, have our hair and nails done, go to the movies, and then go out to eat.
I told her that didn’t quite fit in the budget.
Plus, we didn’t have the whole day; we only had a few hours.
Since money has been really, really tight for the past couple years, we never go out to eat.
We also never go to the mall.
I haven’t bought clothes for the kids, except for shoes, in almost 2 years.
Everything they have right now has been handed down from friends and relatives, or given to them by Grammy and Papa.
So, we went to the mall.
We “shopped.”
I showed Number 4 where the sales racks were in every store.
We went to the Gap.
We found a skirt and a top in those two clearance racks at the way back of the store.
She loved them.
She jumped and twirled and skipped around.
She was beaming, and so happy.
I bought her an outfit that cost a total of $12.97,
and she felt like this
We walked around the mall a little, holding hands the whole time.
We went to the fountain at the center of the mall, and Number 4 asked for a penny.
She threw it in and said,
“Mom, I made a wish, but it really already came true. Because I’m having the best day ever already.”
I squeezed her hand and tried not to start bawling right there.
We were going to eat at the Cheesecake Factory.
We waited until 2:00 to have lunch, but even then, it was totally packed, and there was still over an hour wait.
I was a little bummed.
I’ve never been there, and I didn’t want to have to resort to Ruby Tuesdays.
But Number 4 has never really been anywhere, and when we walked into Ruby Tuesdays, and she saw that it was “the kind of place where a waiter brings you a menu!” well, she was beside herself.
Perspective.
I had such a good time with her.
She relished every second of her meal.
And she did some serious chair dancing.
Oh yeah.
We also read about Mount Everest. And did a word scramble.
Summer reading?
CHECK.
We spent 3 hours together.
An afternoon that other kids would take for granted, that other kids may even expect on a regular basis, was a very special experience for Number 4.
One that she doesn’t take for granted,
In fact, she said to me,
“Hey Mom! Maybe we can do this once a year! Can we do that?”
Yeah.
I think we can do that.
Maybe these money problems we’re having aren’t such a bad thing.
Having an empty bank account sucks.
But a child full of gratitude?
Well, money sure can’t buy that.
VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!!!
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Beautiful. Well said, Susie. As usual.
I love it! I’ve been doing “daughter” day for the past few years….and now also do “son” day. Its so amazing that they look forward to their time with ME….as much as I look forward to time with them. They each get to choose what to do…within reason….and they love to come home and share with the family what the best part of the day was. Giving memories…..nothing better!
Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.
That was great. She will remember that day forever.
I remember my mom always took me to NYC to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center and the windows at Saks. We never bought anything, just pizza and soda for lunch and she always let me get a hot pretzel. I think with train and bus fare (we lived in one of the NYC boroughs) the entire day cost $15 back in the 1980s. I will never forget it. It’s all about the memories!
Ok, I totally LOVE this! The most beautiful post you have written to date and to top it off, it made me cry. I wish I was HALF the mother you are. You are doing a superb job raising your children. #4 will cherish that day and so many more for years to come. Oh, and I so LOL’ed at your FB post about cutting off her cast. Good for you! I live vicariously through you because you have the balls I don’t seem to possess. Awesome!
Ok, I totally LOVE this! The most beautiful post you have written to date and to top it off, it made me cry. I wish I was HALF the mother you are. You are doing a superb job raising your children. #4 will cherish that day and so many more for years to come. Oh, and I so LOL’ed at your FB post about cutting off her cast. Good for you! I live vicariously through you because you have the balls I don’t seem to possess but want. Awesome!
I wanted to add a teeny bit more before I sent it…thought I stopped it but then noticed AFTER that my comment already got through. Oopsie, sorry about that 🙂
made me cry. what a great day. 🙂
What a wonderful day! Those kinds of things are the best.
LOVE this post!! Made me cry! I am the youngest of 9 children. I am 6 years younger than #8, so I was part of the big family but also had my parents to myself for 6 years after my siblings all left home. Finances were tight the whole time due to a large family and siblings in college. I recall a night that my mom and I went shopping, I got a sweatshirt and new socks and shoes!! then we went to a movie, no idea what the movie was but I remember the car drive to the town where the theater was and talking to mom and doing something that we had never gotten to do before!! Thanks for bringing that memory back for me!!!! I need to call my mom!
Your blog is wonderful. My co-worker (a teacher) sent your Dear Teacher letter to me, and I loved it, but I am also one of nine, and I can tell you that my experience was not so great. However, I think it has more to do with the culture of my family, the dynamics my parents set up. Thankfully, I am close with my sisters, but I barely know my brothers. I think the important thing is to make sure your kids are treasured by you so that they learn to treasure each other, as well as others. I think it’s that simple, and judging from this post, you’re doing a fine job 🙂
Susie, this is a really lovely post. I’ve never commented on your posts before, but I’ve read your blog for a while now, since becoming a mother myself last August. I normally love to laugh at posts about Number 4 (she’s my kind of girl-a take no prisoners superwoman outside with a heart of gold inside), but this was such a nice change of pace for a Nuber 4 post! This post, however, compelled a reply, as it really hit home for me. I lost my mother to cancer nearly 4 years ago, and only have one sibling, but the fondest memories I have of my family growing up are of the little things, the time spent, and the conversations had. I’d do anything to have my mom back to tell her how much all her effort means to me now that I’ve become a mother myself, and the effort for which I’d thank her isn’t money spent, but rather time and energy. In teachinig my brother and me right from wrong, respect for ourselves and others, and most imporantly, that we were loved beyond all measure. That is the sign of a truly great mother, I think. You’re clearly doing a great job, challenges or not, 7 kids or not. At the end of the proverbial day, your kids are going to be so much better served by the inner security they feel from your support and love, than a big bank account.
You get it . You have taught your children more about life than most. I applaud you. All of the money in the world would not have made your day with #4 any better than it was. Kids never want money really, only time. Great Mama!
I think this is my favorite in your entire blog. Well said.