When you are about to have your first kid, you know at some point in time that you are going to have to answer some questions.
You don’t know how you will answer, but you know the questions are coming.
The questions fall into two categories:
The ones that might make you a little uncomfortable.
You know, like Where do babies come from?
And then the annoying ones that don’t stop.
The Why? questions.
Why is the sky blue?
(Yes, they do ask that one).
What you don’t know is that your kids somehow know to ask you these questions when you are doing five things at once, and when you are operating on minimal hours of sleep.
It takes a lot of brain power to come up with an answer that will not traumatize your children, but will also satisfy their need for an answer and shut them up before they can come up with even more thought provoking questions.
Yesterday I was exhausted.
It was about the 147th snow day we’ve had this winter.
I was running on fumes.
The kids knew.
They sensed it, and they pounced.
Number 3 went first.
I’ll take uncomfortable question to ask Mom, for 500, Alex.
“Mom? What is sex?”
Damn you, school bus.
I could not come up with an answer before time ran out.
Number 5 was up next.
Alex, I’ll take annoying questions I will repeatedly ask until Mom locks herself in the bathroom:
“Mommy? Why do we have boogers? What are boogers? Do we have to have boogers? How do you make boogers? Why do you have more boogers when you are sick?”
I didn’t have the brain power to answer those either.
I deflected the questions.
Now all I have to do is hold them off until Monday.
When Alice starts.
Out of the pan and into the fire, Alice.
Straight. Into. The. Fire.
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