I have a friend from high school who writes a really popular blog.
Really popular.
Her name is Jess, and her blog is called a diary of a mom.
Jess has a daughter who is autistic, and many of her readers, probably the majority of them, have autistic children as well.
It is a very supportive community she has over there on her blog.
Although, every so often, a reader will leave a negative or hurtful comment.
Jess has a comment policy on her blog.
I never thought I needed one of those.
Until now.
Jess’s comment policy reads as follows:
My greatest hope is that the discourse on this blog and its accompanying Facebook page can serve as examples of environments in which compassion, understanding and mutual respect are paramount.
That said, I publish nearly all comments, but there are rare exceptions.
I have long been frustrated and deeply saddened by the chasms in the autism community. I will not allow diary’s comment section to become a megaphone for the anger that serves to keep us divided.
I will not abide personal attacks, either on me or my readers. While I actively welcome constructive disagreement and respectful discourse, this is not a forum for unproductive anger, particularly that which is directed at one another.
While I am happy to respect anonymity, please note that I also do not publish comments without a name (or consistent pseudonym) and a valid e-mail address.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you – not just for sharing in our family’s journey, but for joining the conversation. And in so doing, respecting each other, supporting one another, and finding ways to bridge the space between us.
She’s good.
I have never not published a comment on the blog.
Except for two, that are sitting there unapproved.
I’ve thought I should put them all out there.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
But I didn’t start this blog to be attacked.
Or for other people to be attacked.
I started it to give people a laugh.
To make a place for moms, dads, anyone to come and feel not so alone.
I post pictures of my kids destroying my house because I found myself thinking,
I want to lock my kids in a closet. I know there are other people who feel the same way.
I take pictures of my nasty sink because I think we moms put a lot of pressure on ourselves to maintain the perfect house. And when we don’t,
we feel really bad about ourselves.
Being a mom is fucking hard.
Whether you work outside of the home or inside the home.
Whether you are married or single.
Gay or straight.
Whether your child has special needs or not.
Whether you have one kid or seven kids.
It’s
really
fucking
hard.
I wanted to make it easier.
And provide a safe place for people to share.
To say,
I can’t keep up.
To say,
I’m overwhelmed.
And not to get attacked.
Or be made to feel even worse about themselves.
So,
I’m adopting my friend Jess’s policy.
If you choose to leave a comment like this:
Ok so I think this post is a crock. You took so much time out to write 2 unproperly written posts where you could have devoted that time to cleaning out your sink. Your a disorganized mother and maybe even a narcacistic and biopolar one…
(and that was just the beginning),
it will not be published.
Poof.
Gone.
Same on facebook.
I’m guilty of allowing, and even at times, encouraging the negative back and forth myself.
Or using self-defense as an excuse.
I have gone off on and skewered people for judging me.
That’s not the person I want to be.
And that’s not the blog I want to write.
It’s not what I originally intended; it’s not the atmoshpere I was looking to create here.
I veered off course.
It’s hard enough,
this mom thing.
Disagreeing is fine.
But attacking?
Nope.
Not happening here anymore.
Not from you.
And not from me.
Attacking doesn’t make it easier.
I’m getting back to basics.
Smiling.
Laughing.
Encouraging. In a good way.
Sometimes a little venting.
But always supporting.
Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of this:
If you are looking to judge,
this ain’t the place for you.
But if you need a little pick-me-up,
a holy-shit-please-tell-me-your-kids-do-this-crap-too
or an
I-feel-like-I-suck-please-tell-me-I-don’t affirmation,
well,
you’re in the right place.
VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!!!
All you need to do is click on the banner above to register a vote for me!
You can vote one time every 24 hours from every computer and cell phone! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! I really appreciate your support!
Check out and “like” the not-your-average-mom.com facebook page!
Follow me on Twitter @mom_not_average
Well said!
maybe that person that wrote the criticism should have looked in the mirror…..your, you’re…….
…….For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again…..(Matthew 7)…people need to remember that.
Its my first time reading your blog. You captured me in 2 seconds and I certainly admire you for the weight loss achievements, among other things.
Do not worry about the negative comments. Are you kidding me? The world is full of insanity and negativity, in and out of people’s minds. You cannot give a second thought to some nutcase’s writings. I am searching mom’s blogs because I will very soon become the stand-in 24/7 mom for two small boys, 3 and 5, that have full custody with their father, who is my partner. I am 43 years old, I have been independent and adventurous my whole life, and I am the woman that will say that I can do and accomplish anything I set my mind to. And I did. But I feel that taking care of these two boys will be my biggest challenge ever and few things scare me in life. So I try to do my homework and learn as much as I can from ladies/moms like you. I just want to be a good mother for them, especially when they badly lack on that account, and give them all the love that they need, but it takes way more than that.
Pai – The only rule to raising kids – Don’t let ’em see you sweat!! Like Susie says…raising kids is effing hard! You will second guess yourself and sit up at night hoping & praying that you have made the correct decisions. If you haven’t then you will figure it out. Stay confident in front of them. Back up your partner and make sure your partner will back you up.
Obviously you love these kids, so just keep them fed and bathed and it will all turn out OK in the end. 🙂
Amen! I love reading your blogs & posts on facebook, they make me laugh so hard most days & I feel so much better after 🙂 Keep it up!
Great post!! You say what we all feel! It’s hard not to get into it with the Judgers!!
I have never understood people who go out of their way to ‘like’ and ‘follow’ a page only to argue, judge and generally be mean toward the person/group/blog that they ‘liked’.
There is no such thing as two people who are going to to the same thing the same way every time. It doesn’t exist and it shouldn’t exist. Just because someone disagrees with how another person…raises their children, disciplines their children, keeps (or doesn’t) their house, spends their free time, spends their money, etc, etc, etc…that doesn’t give them the right or authority to tell anyone they’re doing something wrong or need to change.
I truly believe that Parenting is up there with Religion and Politics. It is none of my business (or anyone else’s) what your religion is or if you’re Right wing, Left wing, Indifferent or Tea Party activist. Likewise, it is none of my business (or anyone else’s) how you choose to raise your children, keep your house, etc, etc. It doesn’t affect me (or anyone else) and my opinions are my opinions, they don’t matter to anyone but me so I keep them to myself.
I don’t understand how people think it’s their right and obligation to put their two cents in at all times no matter how hurtful, rude and discourteous their comment is. If you wouldn’t say it to a person’s face, it should not be said online where you can safely and cowardly hide behind your computer screen.
I love your blog and have followed for over a year. My daughter and your littlest are about the same age and I love seeing how you handle things. You make me laugh and inspire me to be a more relaxed mother. I find it amazing how you manage to accomplish as much as you do. I feel so bogged down with just one baby. I look forward to your posts everyday and will continue to do so.
Hey Susie!
Can I just say LOVE…..thank you for these guidelines……..I’ve been a regular reader for about 6 months and a grad of your first F3……I adore your honest,authentic and riotously funny writing voice. Thank you for a safe place and an encouraging one too!
Hi there! I just recently found your blog a few days ago. I was hooked instantly. And I just thought after reading this post I would comment to say I love your writing and I love feeling and knowing there are other mama’s out there going through the same stuff I am dealing with. And yes, I do sometimes want to lock my kids in a closet. 🙂 Keep on keeping on!
Can I just say your blog has helped me. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer last year and I have good days and bad days. The day you published the sink picture was a bad day and I was feeling bad my kitchen was a mess you made me feel less alone. The day of the baby powder incident at your house my three year old went in he bathroom while I folded laundry and poured baby oil everywhere you helped me laugh about it. So I will just say thank you for being there on the bad days and good.
Susie,
Well said! I love reading your blog. I read it everyday and you know what, it makes me feel good. My husband and I both work full time. We both have an hour+ commutes each way to work and we have a 3 year old and a 5 year old. I am always in a Constant battle with myself over : the house looking like hell, being there for the kids enough, having anything left to give my husband because let’s face it, I’m exhausted after working all day and putting the kids to bed. But your blog has helped me realize no one is perfect. You just do the best you can and love your kids and love your husband. But it also so important to love yourself and give yourself something, whatever it is that makes you happy. For me, similar to you, I started my weight loss, get healthy journey on January 1. I have lost 23 lbs. I have before and after photos and I am determined to finish what I started. I am much happier these days. I try to find balance. Thank you for your blog, it is such an awesome thing you have created. And Congratulations! You look freaking awesome! Monica
Well said! I think you rock! You are THE REAL DEAL, You say it like it is, I admire that.
Keep on ROCKING it!
Well said! Your kids will NOT remember the house was perfect — and if thye did they might ask for an unusual gift for Christmas… mine did. Both boys asked if I would clean LESS and spend more time with them. That was 5 years ago and we are all a TON happier.
So — no judgy judgy people!