Ho, Ho, Ho…ly load of crap.

Admitting this makes me feel really freaking old, but…

I get Better Homes and Gardens.  I have a subscription that I have renewed so many times through magazine drive fundraisers that I believe I’m set to  receive it until I am 154 years old.

I love it.

That being said…

Back in September I was on a tear about annoyingly cute lunches.

Well, now that we are into the Christmas season, there is something else that is seriously pissing me off.

Annoyingly perfect Christmas decorations.

Check that.

Annoyingly perfect and completely unrealistic Christmas decorations.

I mean, come on. 

 In my house, that garland would remain on the stairs for approximately 12 seconds.

That shit on the table?

Well, you’ve already seen this.

And those cute hanging stockings would be sans pom poms by lunchtime. 

That annoying woman coming down the stairs and dressed in (unstained) head-to-toe white also has a room that looks like this:

 Glass on an ottoman?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Hey Better Homes and Gardens…

Why don’t you publish my holiday decorations in your December issue?

 We “spent time together making them.”

And they give our house some “fun touches.”

Yes, BHG, I still love you.  And your decorating ideas are beautiful.

But if you really want to impress me, show me something that can withstand a 2-year-old.

And a 3-year-old.

And a 1-year-old.

And Number 4.

Oh.  And Merry Christmas. 

 VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! PLEASE!!!!

I want to keep the Number 1 spot! Please help me!

All you need to do is click on the banner above to register a vote for me!

You can vote one time every 24 hours from every computer and cell phone! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! I really appreciate your support!

Check out and “like” the not-your-average-mom.com facebook page!