Hey Facebook. You suck.

Toddlers and preschoolers are like little drug sniffing dogs for all the shit you have in your house that you don’t want them to find.

Like tampons.

And Sharpies.

Last week Number 7 sniffed out a Sharpie.

And she did this to herself.

The combination of the connect-the-dots design she made, the mullet haircut Number 6 gave her a few months ago, the Pull-up, and the face she was making struck me as funny.

So I posted the picture on Facebook.

Because at one time or another, just about all of our kids have gotten their hands on a Sharpie and done some damage.

And you go through the phases of Sharpie.

Blame and accusation.

WHO LEFT THE SHARPIE OUT? WAS IT YOU???

Anger.

THAT STUFF IS PERMANENT! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE TO WASH OFF?

Amusement.

WAIT! DON’T WASH IT OFF YET! LET ME TAKE A PICTURE!

So anyway, lots of people related.

The day after I posted the picture, I tried, unsuccessfully, to log into Facebook.

I couldn’t.

I got a message.

I can’t remember exactly what it said, but it was something along the lines of,

We removed a picture on your Facebook page because it contained nudity. Please check all the pictures on your page. If you would like to unpublish your page while you do that you may do so.

What?

Are you kidding me?

I can’t put a picture of my two-year-old in a pull up on Facebook?

You can’t even see her nipples. She colored them in with Sharpie.

I checked the policy regarding photos.

Facebook has a strict policy against the sharing of pornographic content and any explicitly sexual content where a minor is involved. We also impose limitations on the display of nudity. We aspire to respect people’s right to share content of personal importance, whether those are photos of a sculpture like Michelangelo’s David or family photos of a child breastfeeding.

Pornography?

Explicitly sexual content???

Facebook,

YOU SUCK.

Yesterday while scrolling through Facebook, I saw a post about bedazzling vaginas.

I saw a video of a person being shot by a cop.

I saw toilets clogged with shit.

I saw a page named called I fucking love science.

And I fucking love heavy metal.

And I fucking love history.

And bitches be like.

All that is okay.

But this isn’t.

What the hell does most of Europe do for the summer?

They must not be able to post any of their pictures.

HEY FACEBOOK.

YOU SUCK.

And whoever the person is who reported my picture as pornographic,

well,

YOU SUCK, TOO.

Asshole.

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