Here Are Some Deceptive Holiday Photos For You

We got our Christmas tree tonight.

We do the same thing every year.

We go to Stew Leonards, a local store, and we pick out our tree.

I like going there because the process is super streamlined and they have lots of people helping and they wrap your tree up and put it on top of the car for you and it’s really easy.

They also have a Christmas shop there, so after we pick out our tree we look at all the stuff, and then we go inside and see Santa and get ice cream and walk around the store and get dinner from the hot buffet, and then we come home.

We always go the Friday or Saturday after Thanksgiving.

The kids were really looking forward to going today.

About five minutes before we were going to leave, two of the kids got into a fight.

One kid hit the other kid with a brush.

The other kid retaliated with a major punch to the stomach resulting in the wind being knocked out of the brush attacker.

Lots of crying and screaming ensued, along with things like I’M NOT GOING TO GET A TREE and I HATE YOU and I WISH YOU WEREN’T A PERSON and other really nice pre-Christmas tree shopping outbursts.

We eventually made it to Stew’s.

Miraculously, we all agreed on the first tree we saw.

We checked out the Christmas shop.

We took a few photos.

It always takes a couple tries.

We got a picture with Santa.

We got ice cream. The kids were happy.

We got food. The kids were happy.

We got home.

The kids started fighting over whose food was whose.

I walked out to the car to get something and when I came back inside one of the kids was hysterically crying.

I couldn’t find the coffee that I bought. I was growing increasingly bitchier with every passing moment.

I stomped out to the car to return to the grocery store because we were out of coffee and I needed the damn coffee.

The hysterically crying child followed me.

I told the crying child to go back inside.

I drove to the store.

When I got there I realized I left my purse at home.

I drove back home.

I got my purse.

I went back to the store.

I got my coffee.

I came home and everyone had settled down.

The tree is still strapped to the top of my car.

But nobody is crying.

And at least I got a couple of deceptively good pictures.