He Has Arrived. And Yours Will Arrive, Too.

I  spend a lot of time worrying about my kids.

Too much time.

I worry about whether or not I’m doing things well enough. I worry about whether or not I’m teaching them the “right” lessons in the right way.

I worry about whether or not I’m building them up or tearing them down, and if I’m saying things that are scarring them for life without even realizing it.

I worry that I focus on the wrong things and that I unintentionally send the wrong messages.

I worry that I’m too hard, too soft, too strict, too lenient, too regimented, too inconsistent, too involved and too uninvolved.

I worry that I’ve said things that have damaged my kids’ self esteem.

I worry because my girls make comments about their bodies already, and because they think make-up makes them more beautiful.

I worry that I haven’t taught them sufficient ways of dealing with stress and anger and disappointment and sadness.

I could pretty much worry all day long.

And I worry more about the girls than I do about the boys.

I worry that my girls will doubt themselves and not be strong enough to stay true to themselves. I can go from they are  doing just fine to they will be banging the entire football team by their sophomore year in just a few seconds.

I don’t worry as much with the boys. There is so much less drama with the boys.

With the boys I more worry that they’ll be immature and just never pull their heads out of their behinds and take anything seriously, and as a result, never reach their true potential.

Although I have definitely done my fair share of worrying about Number 3 who has dealt with some anxiety.

I did worry when he was  younger that he’d be living in the basement at fifty years old and never ever leave home.

But something has been happening recently.

A couple weeks ago, Number 3 said to me,

Mom, it’s so weird. I started paying attention in school, and now that I’m doing that, my grades are getting better.

Isn’t it funny how that works?

So ten, eleven, and twelve-year-old boys can be… Ten, eleven and twelve-year-old boys.

And almost thirteen years old appears to be the magic number where many boys start to get it.

I say this because Number 3 has also recently experienced quite a bit of success in swimming. He went from being a pretty good swimmer to a really good swimmer. And this happened for two reasons.

First, he grew about six inches in the last eight months. That will help a kid swim faster.

But second, and more importantly, he also transitioned from a kid who screwed around at practice most of the time to a kid who takes things seriously and tries his hardest every time he gets in the pool.

And then this summer he decided to quit travel baseball so he could “focus on swimming.”

He’s a different kid than he was two years ago. He talks about college swimming and scholarships and the Olympics and he has started studying what every successful Olympic swimmer does in order to swim fast.

Last night he was talking to me after he got home from practice and he said, “Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to add in some running on my own so I can increase my stamina. I was going to do push-ups on my own, but I’m not going to do that right now. I’m just going to run.”

“You could do a little of both instead of a lot of running,” I said.

“Mom,” he said. “I know myself. I have to pace myself. I can’t go from never trying at all in practice to trying my hardest and running AND doing push-ups.”

I was blown away by this.

He has a level of self-awareness that I never would have imagined was there.

And he’s being smart about how he trains. He’s really thinking about it.

I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

He has arrived.

And then this morning I saw this video of Guar Gopal Das, and he was talking about worrying.

Do you have a problem in life?

NO?

Then why worry?

Do you have a problem in life?

Yes?

Can you do something about it?

Yes?

Then why worry?

Do you have a problem in life?

Yes?

Can you do something about it?

No?

Then why worry?

Why are we constantly bogging our minds down with anxiety — anxiety that is just absolutely not allowing us to have peace of mind?

Yes!

I think so many of us do that all the time!

The worry is exhausting and the worry is debilitating.

Your kids are going to be fine.

And if they aren’t, then you’ll do something about it when it happens.

You are doing a great job.

And if you fuck something up,  then you’ll do something about it when it happens.

Sometimes your kids are just being…. kids.

They are supposed to be silly and frustrating and make occasional (or frequent) stupid decisions.

They will, at some point, start acting differently.

And when they finally do, don’t look back with regret on all that time you spent (unnecessarily or unproductively or ineffectively) worrying.

Have a little faith, smile and trust the process.

Their moment will eventually arrive.

And no amount of worrying will get you or your kids to that point any earlier.

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