Today I went to my fourteenth yoga class in fourteen days.
Some classes are really crowded. Others only have a handful of people in them.
In those crowded classes, you take whatever spot you can get, but in those emptier classes, people tend to spread way out.
So today I went to the 6:30 a.m. class and there were only six people total there, including Aaron, the instructor.
He was in the front of the room, like he always is, with two people on their mats, very close to his.
I walked into the studio at the same time as two other women, and we instinctively spread way out in the back of the room.
And then Aaron said,
“Move your mats close to each other. We always want to hide, rather than shine our light. We spend too much time worrying about what other people are going to think about us. We need to stop doing that.”
I think I’ve made a lot of progress in that department.
I do and say pretty much whatever I want.
I put it all out there and don’t have anything to hide, really.
But I do still worry sometimes about embarrassing myself or looking stupid.
And I have been judging people, silently in my head.
People who aren’t afraid to shine their light and who do whatever the fuck they feel like.
Like this woman I used to see at the gym.
She was in great shape, and she would always go straight to an elliptical machine right in the front of the room.
And she would start moving, and then about one minute into her workout, she would start rocking out on that machine to whatever music she was listening to.
Like seriously getting her jam on.
I used to look at her and think, Settle down, Lady. Save the dancing for home.
And then Aaron said that thing this morning in yoga.
And I immediately thought of that woman.
She wasn’t hiding from anyone.
She didn’t give a shit what anyone thought about her dance moves on the elliptical.
She was sweating her ass off, but she looked like she was having a pretty good time.
Her workout was no doubt much more fun than mine.
I have spent so much time worrying, especially in the exercise department, what other people will think about me.
I don’t want them to see me walking up that hill.
I don’t want them to see what level I’ve got my treadmill set on.
I don’t want them to see that I can’t hold that plank or that I’m shaking or that I’ve got back fat.
Who the fuck cares what they think?
It doesn’t affect my workout. It doesn’t affect the benefits that exercising has on my body and brain.
At the beginning of each yoga class, a couple of the instructors will tell us to “set our intentions.”
So I’m setting my intention for the second half of my self-imposed yoga challenge (30 classes in 30 days).
Tomorrow is my halfway point. My fifteenth day.
I am going to end my first half without hiding.
Tomorrow I’m not putting my mat in the back of the room.
No more hiding.
I’m going right to the front.
I think it’s time I really let my light shine.
Nikki says
Good for you, girl! It’s scary to let your light shine but I suppose that by doing so, you’re building confidence and a sense of self worth. ‘Let your light shine’ … Great advice.
Tabitha says
Embrace it! Your light is beautiful!
Cassidy Cruise says
Right on! Kudos for you for going every morning! Great post. The image of the lady rocking out on the elliptical will be an inspiration to me the next time I’m playing tennis with my husband!
Best,
Cassidy
http://tuesdaystantrum.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-adventures-of-interviewing-for.html
Krissy @ mommy misc says
I wish I could be like that and put it all out there. I’m a very shy person and don’t like to be so front and the center of attention but good for you! Maybe someday I will be able to be as brave. 🙂