Yesterday was my four month anniversary.
I’ve been booze-free for four months.
The days have been easy.
But sometimes the nights are hard.
Like tonight.
Friday nights are rough. Cause that’s when all the moms start really using the wine glass emojis and making jokes about when it’s acceptable to start drinking. Jokes that, in the moment, are seemingly harmless.
But to moms like me, moms who are trying to do the right thing, and moms who are really missing those Friday night happy hours, those jokes aren’t funny.
And they remind you how prevalent drinking is in the mom culture.
I used to be that mom. The one jokingly shaming another mom for not drinking.
I didn’t mean anything by it, really. I certainly never thought that the mom I was telling to loosen up might have quit drinking because maybe alcohol caused her to loosen up too much one too many times.
It was my own discomfort with someone who didn’t immediately turn to alcohol the moment the opportunity presented itself, I suppose.
Halloween is another challenge.
Halloween has always been a big party for me. A holiday I looked forward to because I’d be pulling a wagon full of beer behind me, drinking Blue Moons and having my own treats while the kids ran up to peoples’ doors and had theirs.
This was my first sober Halloween in many years.
I went to a friend’s house, and I watched her drink wine. I smelled it.
Boy did it smell good.
I missed it pretty badly.
I missed it really badly.
But I just kept focusing on the next morning and how I wanted (or didn’t want) to feel.
And a funny thing happened.
Since I didn’t drink this Halloween, we got home at a reasonable hour. I didn’t keep the kids out later than necessary because I wanted to keep drinking with my friends.
We were home and everyone was in bed before 9:00.
That hasn’t happened in, well…
ever, probably.
I didn’t realize this until the next morning. The next morning when I was clear-headed and not even a tiny bit hungover.
It was a concrete and crystal clear example for me.
I am a much more responsible parent when I don’t drink.
So in those moments when I am really struggling, I will do my best to remember this Halloween.
And remind myself that the biggest treat my family got this Halloween wasn’t a king size candy bar.
It was a present and sober mom.
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I have been wondering how things were going. Thanks for the update! You capture this issue so well. Congrats on your four month anniversary! I hope you wore a superhero costume that night because you are a hero to lots of people for making the decision to stop drinking.
Good for you ! I have never been a drinker , the Mom Wine culture actually leaves me on the outside of many groups who bond over drinking. I almost wish I liked it ! It’s fun on this side too !
I congratulate you! Four months is quite a frat and you should be proud.
But please don’t shame the moms who can enjoy a drink or 2 without getting home late or being hungover the next day. Drinking is a big part of mom culture but that doesn’t mean it is ALL bad.
I don’t think you are trying to shame others. And I agree that alcohol can be a big problem. I just think, as you were aware of you’re shaming moms for not drinking until you stopped you should also be aware of the potential to shame moms because they haven’t had to make that same decision.
All that aside, you are a rockstar. And 4 months booze free is really awesome and inspirational. Thanks for sharing your life, the ups and downs, with us.
I have never been a big drinker, and have felt left out and judged by many adults who like to drink. It’s way more socially acceptable to drink and I’ve had people challenge me as to why I don’t drink… and my reasons are 1) I want to be a good mom, and 2) I get bad hangovers so if I got drunk I’d be out of commission longer. I work in a crisis unit, and see so many people who’s lives have been so negatively affected by alcohol- their relationships, job, legal status, finances, health , and most of all- their kids! People don’t want to face it , or talk about it though. I give you a lot of credit, Susie! This is one of the best things you’ve done for your kids- living deliberately and making conscious choices!
I hear every word you’re saying. That first sober Halloween was so hard for me too. In the old days I used to brew up a special Halloween concoction to keep me company during trick-or-treating, and I used to leave my family while I ran home for a refill every time my cup was empty. The Mom Drinking culture is so strong, so prevalent, that I didn’t even realize how much I fed right into it and used it to justify my own need to drink heavily. Breaking that Halloween habit, and so many others I had around drinking (getting past 5:00 was a big struggle) was a long and painful process. But the clear-headed mornings, the sound sleep at night, the freedom from that never-ending internal battle about what, where, when, and how much to drink – and the new perspective that a sober mind brought with it – was/is worth more to me than any momentary yearning for the old ways. You are doing GREAT. Keep up the good work and don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever need some support.