Even when things appear bleak.

So the Man from CL&P knocked on the door this morning.

At 7:30.

He was nice enough to cut me a break and he held off on shutting off our power and he let me make a phone payment.

So I spent the last of our money on the electric bill today.

And I mean the last of our money.

Not, okay, we are going to be in trouble in a couple months last of the money.

That day came and went a long time ago.

I mean we are out of money.

O-U-T.

Like look under the cushions and return all the cans and bottles out of money.

Kind of a shitty and stressful way to start the day.

I am trying so hard to stay positive.

To believe that a miracle is coming.

And I am sharing this not because I’m looking for something, but because if I don’t let it out, it will completely consume me.

And because if you happen to be in this situation yourself, I just want you to know there is someone out there who gets it.

Completely.

Someone who gets how debilitating constantly worrying about money is.

When you do not have any money, it takes a toll on all aspects of your life.

I’m not sleeping well.

I have no patience.

I am a shitty mom.

And I got into a huge fight with my husband this afternoon.

Which means I’m not such a great wife either.

So going to Number 3’s baseball game this afternoon was a welcome distraction.

For a very short time, I forgot about our problems.

The team was down 3 runs in the bottom of the 6th inning.

They would need to kick some ass to win.

They ended up scoring 3 runs, tying up the game, and going into extra innings.

It was nice to be cheering and clapping and smiling and not worrying.

I looked at my friend.

I’m looking for my cardinal, I told her.

If I see it, then we will win this game.

The cardinal didn’t ever show up.

And while the boys fought hard, they just couldn’t pull through.

When the game ended, I didn’t want to come home.

I just wanted to stay in the Neverland of baseball for a little while longer.

But we had to go.

When I got home and walked into the kitchen, I saw this:

It was a big ass box of food, a few prepared meals, a couple more bags of groceries, and a gift bag.

I knew who it was from before I even looked at anything.

Mrs. Z.

My neighbor.

I looked inside the bags and the box.

They were full of food.

And there was more that had already been put away into the fridge.

I took a few breaths, and then I looked inside the gift bag.

And I pulled this out of it:

 

The cardinal.

He showed up.

Maybe not the way I expected.

But he showed up.

I turned the picture over.

Mrs. Z had written something on the back.

The symbolic meaning of cardinals deals with vibrancy and brilliance.

As we observe the cardinal, we are reminded that even when things appear bleak or isolated, there is always the presence of beauty, hope and love.

Cardinals encourage us to express our brilliance and reveal our truest selves.

The radiant red cardinal is a symbol for us to recognize the gifts in our hearts that we have to give to others in love and friendship.

So the cardinal didn’t show up at the baseball game.

I guess they didn’t need him there.

I guess,

instead,

he showed up in the place where he was really needed the most.

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