Do your due diligence.

I’m just going to come right out and say it.

If you have a child under the age of 18 living in your house, and you have given them a phone or an iPad or a laptop or any other sort of device they can use to communicate with other people, you should be monitoring it.

Not just if your kid is giving you a hard time.

Not only if your kid has recently been caught lying to you.

Not just if you have noticed a difference in your child’s behavior in the past few weeks or months.

Not only the problem kids.

All the kids.

I don’t give a flying fuck about your kid’s “right to privacy.”

Your kid is a kid.

Kids do stupid things.

Even the smart ones.

And kids lie.

Even the good ones.

My three-year-old is an innocent little girl. She knows the difference between right and wrong.

And she’s also got the lying skills that would rival those of Bernie Madoff.

She’s a master manipulator.

If I can’t see her, I don’t trust her.

The same goes for my kids and the phone.

If I can’t see it, I don’t trust it.

Privacy and monitoring your child’s behavior and online social activity are not the same thing.

We are not talking about a diary here.

Remember those?

Those little journals with locks on them where you could record your most private and personal thoughts?

Those things are much different than a cell phone.

Writing in a diary is far different from texting. Tweeting. Posting.

And we live in an age much different than the one where that same commercial played every night on the television:

It’s 10:00 PM. Do you know where your children are?

Because you can know that your child is up in his room, but still have no fucking idea what, or who, he is doing.

If you are a parent, it is your job to know who your kid is talking to.

To know who your kid is texting and friending and following.

And it is also your job to know what they are texting.

A cell phone is not a diary.

I know it’s not easy.

I know it’s a pain in the ass.

I know your kid might give you a hard time.

But if your kid has nothing to hide, he won’t have a problem with you reading his texts.

And if your kid refuses? If she has a meltdown of epic proportions? Well, all the more reason for you to be monitoring what is going on on her phone.

I know your teenager wants to have private conversations.

I remember being in high school and stretching that damn phone cord so far across the room to get out of earshot that it eventually lost all of its spring.

But back then, my parents knew who had called. Monitoring who I was associating with was fairly simple.

Now it’s nearly impossible.

And whether you like it or not, that is your job as a parent.

To know who your kids are spending time with, whether it’s face-to-face at the mall or secretly online.

Because you know what?

YOU ARE THE BOSS.

Not the friend. Not the babysitter.

You make the rules.

And then you need to enforce them.

And if your kid doesn’t follow the rules?

TAKE THE FUCKING PHONE AWAY.

I want to fill you in on something.

Your kid doesn’t need a smartphone. Or an iPad. Or laptop.

Would it be inconvenient to not be able to reach your kid at all times?

Of course.

And I know what’s coming next.

But how will I get in touch with my child if he or she doesn’t have a phone?

Um, if your kid is not demonstrating that he or she is mature enough to use technology responsibly, well,

then your kid shouldn’t be going anywhere independently anyway.

You shouldn’t have to need to get in touch with him because unless he’s at school, he should be where you can see him.

And schools have telephones.

Your kid can call you from one of those.

Yes. It’s an inconvenience to monitor what your kids are doing and then follow through with consequences.

But you know what else is inconvenient?

Not knowing whether your kid is dead or alive because, unbeknownst to you, she ran away to meet up with some guy she’s been secretly talking to online.

Or how about learning that your daughter’s boyfriend was pressuring her into texting him topless photos of herself?

Or how about learning that your son was pressuring some girl into texting him those pictures?

Yeah.

Those things would be pretty inconvenient too.

Don’t be stupid parents.

Be responsible.

I know it’s not fun. But you took the position.

And whether you like it or not, it’s a big part of the job description.