A couple days ago a friend of mine shared an article on Facebook entitled It Turns Out That Traveling Makes Us Far Happier Than Any Material Wealth Ever Does.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
It’s partly because our financial situation has improved, and so now being able to travel at least a little bit is an option.
It’s also partly because our youngest is now five years old.
Everyone is totally potty trained, we are out of the nap phase, we don’t need strollers anymore or any other baby paraphernalia.
We are all ready to travel.
And we are all at the age where we can remember traveling.
And I want to throw this out there to everyone as we head into the Christmas season.
As you know, last year we took a good hard look at what we had been doing at Christmas with the kids, realized the more presents they got, the less they appreciated them, and we decided we were going to follow the four Christmas gift rule.
Yes, I was worried about them being upset. I was worried about them not being happy. But I knew we had to do something. They were becoming unappreciative and ungrateful and that was bothersome to me.
Plus, we had too much crap already, clutter was an issue, and most of the things we got them they didn’t even touch more than a handful of times.
At this time the kids all still believed in Santa (most of them still do), so we told them that we had talked to Santa, and we told him we only wanted him to leave four gifts for each of the kids.
They looked at us like, what the hell would you go and say something like that for?
And to be honest, they were a little bit let down on Christmas morning when instead of tearing through dozens of gifts each, they only had four to open (they did have some stuff in their stockings, too — the usual deck of cards and toothbrush and Chapstick and Play-Doh, so technically there were more than four).
But that let down lasted just a short time.
They each got one fairly big gift they really wanted. And rather than throwing it aside as they would have in the past, they really appreciated it.
And they actually played with it.
A lot.
That initial holy-shit-Santa-is-only-giving-us-four-gifts reaction was fleeting.
And now, on year two of this tradition, they don’t bat an eyelash.
They were not traumatized, and we are not going to have to mortgage our house to pay for gifts.
So back to my original point and that article I mentioned that my friend had shared.
This year as the holidays approach us, I have not heard my kids mention one time any of the gifts they recieved last year for Christmas.
There has been no, Remember how awesome it was when I got that American Girl doll?
No one has said, How cool was that Wii game we got last year??? That was so much fun!!!
And what about the presents from two years ago?
Nobody even remembers what they got back then.
I remember the Easy Bake Oven we got for Number 4 two years ago.
You know how many times she used it before it wasn’t cool anymore?
Two.
Two fucking times.
What a waste.
BUT, what I do know is that the places we have gone, especially around the holidays, the kids still talk about.
They talk about the time we went to see the house that was transformed into an entire Christmas village. And that was three years ago.
I am sure nobody can recall anything they received for Christmas three years ago.
It has been the same thing with Number 4’s birthday, switching from gifts to experiences.
She remembers exactly what we did for her seventh birthday, and her eighth birthday and her ninth birthday.
I am quite certain Number 3, who opted for gifts rather than experiences couldn’t recall what he got for his seventh or eighth or ninth birthday.
The kids also talk about the trips we have taken to the Bronx Zoo and to North Carolina and to Hershey Park.
But they don’t talk about presents they’ve gotten for their birthdays.
And so maybe instead of so many gifts under the tree, you can help to show your kids that stuff doesn’t make you happy.
I mean, yeah, some stuff does. But not overkill.
What if you cut back on the presents and took a little day trip (or two) over the holidays?
If you live near NYC you could take the train into the city to see the Rockettes Christmas Show or go ice skating at Rockefeller Center and see the tree.
You could take the kids skiing for a weekend or go to Great Wolf Lodge (I’ve never been, but they are all over the place and so many people we know have gone there).
This year, we are taking a ride on the Polar Express. It’s a steam train in Essex, CT, and they convert the whole train into the Polar Express just like the movies and they serve you hot chocolate and the kids wear their pajamas and I’ve been wanting to do this for years. The kids have no clue and I know it is 1 ) going to be an awesome experience for the whole family, and 2) going to be something they will remember forever! I can’t wait!
We wouldn’t have been able to afford this if we hadn’t made the decision to scale back on the number of gifts we got for the kids, and it is certainly going to bring them more joy than one more present under the tree ever would.
So as we head into the holidays, I’m encouraging everyone to think about this.
Your kids don’t need a ridiculous amount of gifts. They don’t appreciate them. They don’t particularly want to take care of them. And they also won’t remember them.
But a trip or an experience they have, especially one they have with you, is something that will bring them happiness and fond memories.
Forever.
Susan says
You will LOVE the Polar Express! Essex Steam Train is so fun!
Mike says
Great Article.. Thanks a lot. I would like to recommend this game.. My Son LOVE IT!!
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.queleas.preschoolgamesforkids
Shewillrise says
Thank you for your inspiration, Susie….I am slowly learning to put my life back together and learning to be the author of my own becoming. My journey is documented here:
https://howtosalvagealife.wordpress.com/
Please feel free to read, share and offer me some feedback. Thank you greatly x
Malia says
Great Post! After surviving a sudden cardiac arrest… I’m 39… we sold our house, gave away our things, and took off on a drive around the world. Haven’t missed a thing and the kids (all three of em) love it.
Tabitha Hanson says
I really like the idea of giving a smaller amount of gifts rather than a huge lot of presents that, like you said, they don’t even appreciate that much. I like the 4 rule for gift giving and i will be sure to use that when my little one is old enough to care about how many they get. I also like to travel so being able to go on vacation would be more rewarding to me rather than presents.
Sandy says
My daughter decided,for the same reason, to cut back and remember the reason for the season. They had a family meeting and decided that they would have three gifts like the Christ Child did and like the Wise Men they would surprise people by secretly ‘gifting’ them. I get more phone calls about their escapades than you can imagine.♡
Gina Marie says
I love this idea. I love how it also brings back the true meaning of Christmas.
Megan Loew says
I LOVE this post! My kids are very young yet, 2.5 and 9 months, so we have yet to do any really big ticket presents, but honestly we probably wont. My husband and I are big into traveling and camping. We take the babies camping too! This, of course, costs some money, so we spend less in other areas. Christmas is one of them. We have also told our families to expect less, and to feel free to give less, to us. We have really talked about and debated on the meaning of Christmas, and gifts are not high on out priority list! I will admit, I always feel like the bad aunt because we only get our nieces and nephew books or other “learning” things, no big toys. I feel they get more than enough toys and don’t need any more!
E.F says
Megan if you can take your nieces or nephews on a day trip with you. Or throughout the year take them one at a time and do some fun/age appropriate with just them. We have a very large family and the Aunts / Uncles do this with the nieces and nephews.
Jenn O says
We would ask our kids every year if they want presents or Great Wolfe Lodge. So far 3 out of four years will be GWL. They still get stockings full and one present from santa. When they do choose presents, it’s only 3 from Mommy and Daddy, cause there were only 3 wise men bringing gifts for Jesus.
Rowena says
Wow. My child only gets one gift from Santa and one from us, one from each set of grandparents! ???? Even then it feels like too much! we try and make bday gifts from grandparents something like an annual pass to the local outdoor adventure place etc. or a gift for something that encourages outdoor pursuits (climbing harness, bike helmet etc) otherwise we just get overwhelmed with things that he doesn’t play with and we don’t need.
Elizabeth says
My 8 and 5 year old boys pnly get one gift for Christmas, this has been for years and they do not complain but rather pray for all kids in the world to get at least one gift like they do.
Meaghan says
My husband is 1 of 5 kids, and each of those 5 kids has kids. This year will be our 3rd Christmas of instead of giving each other’s kids more stuff they don’t need, we all go to an indoor waterpark for the night. Cousins of all ages get to spend time together, and we make memories our kids talk about all year long and look forward to each year.
not your average mom says
That’s awesome! They will definitely remember that forever! Great memories for everyone.