Conspiracy Theory

I would like to thank Kelly Clarkson and J for getting me through yesterday.

J is a year or two younger than me.  He was a swimmer.  We weren’t super close friends, but we recently became friends on facebook.

J is pretty religious.

I’m not.

He posts these inspirational Bible quotes on facebook almost daily.  I never really paid close attention to them and to be honest, up until a couple weeks ago, I would roll my eyes and judge him every time I saw one.

Another one?  Enough already, J.

But then I read this one:

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

I LOVE that one.  And now I look forward to J’s quote of the day.

So anyway, although I never told them, my children apparently found out that I was going out last night, and conspired to do everything in their power to either kill me and/or destroy the house so that I would be unable to go.

There was no school yesterday, so it was an all day, full team effort.

If you follow the not-your-average-mom facebook page, then you probably saw this yesterday:

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

While I went and got the vacuum, the three of them smashed all that cereal by stomping on it, and Number 6 smashed a glass bowl on the floor.  So now I had Special K and glass shards to contend with.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller…

Just before I turned on the vacuum, I heard a disturbing sound coming from the bathroom.  Number 6 was violently plunging the toilet.  Number 7 was crawling around in the water that was splashing out of the toilet onto the floor.

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

I dragged them out of there and locked the door.  I went back to vacuuming.  About 12 seconds later, the bag was full.

The empty vacuum bags were in the locked bathroom.  I keep the key to the door on top of the door trim. Apparently there is a fairly large space between the trim and the wall.

The perfect amount of space for a bathroom key to fall into.  I decided to just get a broom.

Except the brooms and dustpan were also locked in that bathroom.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller…

Fast forward to 5:00.  I had just vacuumed the playroom.

Number 3 came in from outside to get ready for baseball.  Number 2 thought it would be awesome to help Number 3 bury himself in the sandbox.  And Number 3 thought it would be awesome to come inside and shake all that fucking sand on the couch and playroom floor.

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

I threw Number 3 in the shower, and decided, while I was at it, to give Number 5 and 6 a bath upstairs and get that over with.

Number 3 got out of the shower and was downstairs yelling.

“MOM!!! WHERE ARE MY BASEBALL PANTS???”

I ran downstairs to try to find them in the mountain of unfolded laundry on the dining room table.

I finally got them, and was about to run back upstairs when Number 4 asked me a question.  I was standing in the hallway talking to her.

And it started raining.

Inside.

I looked up and water was pouring on my head through the ceiling.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller…

I had kind of forgotten about Number 5 and 6 in the bathtub…

So I ran upstairs, contained that situation, and brought Number 7 up to give her a bath.  All went fairly smoothly with that.  I brought her downstairs, looked in the kitchen, and there was Number 6.

He had squirted most of a bottle of syrup on the counter, the floor, and himself.

So glad I gave him that bath…

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

My husband and Number 3 got back from baseball practice.

Phew.

I got in the shower.  15 minutes and I would be out of this hellhole.

I was almost out the door when, “MOOOOOMMMMM! I’m in the bathroom!  HURRY!!!  BRING THE WIPES!!!”

Yeah, that’s never good.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller…

Sing it with me people, sing it with me 😉

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what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger 🙂