Cleanliness is next to, well, EVERYTHING, if you’re a co host on “The Talk”

Between the hours of 1:00 and 4:00 Numbers 5, 6, and 7 take a nap. Sometimes they go to sleep a little later, and sometimes they wake up a little earlier, but I can usually count on a good 1 1/2 hour overlap where all 3 of them are sleeping.

So during that time I try to take at least a half hour for myself in order to keep myself from going totally crazy.

Yesterday at 2:00 I sat down with my lunch and turned on the tv.

That talk show The Talk was on.  If you’ve never seen it, it’s just like The View.  5 women sitting around talking about whatever.  One of the women is a news anchor, two are comedians, one’s a conservative, etc.

Anyway, I had never really watched that show, but with my new internet tv show filming its first episode in 2 weeks, I figure I should be watching some of these lady talk shows just for a little research.

So the topic of conversation on the show turned to showering.

Or not showering.

Actually, how gross you are if you don’t shower on a daily basis.

The squeaky clean ladies were commenting on some celebrities (including Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio) who — gasp — admit to not showering every day.

When Brad Pitt is running short on time, he grabs a few baby wipes and he’s good to go.

I was impressed by this.

They were horrified by this.

Like really offended.

So then I was pissed.

Aisha Tyler did admit to one incident when she was writing her book where she lost track of time and realized she had gone all day without a shower. Apparently it was sooo bad that she had to shower so her husband didn’t divorce her.

What?

There wasn’t even a kid around.  So she had no poop or puke or blood or drool or snot or pee on her.  And she wasn’t working out, so she wasn’t even sweating.  She was just sitting there…

Good thing her husband isn’t married to me.

We’d have gotten divorced about 4000 times by now.

One of the other co hosts is Sharon Osbourne.

The only thing she managed to interject was, “Some people like that funk.”

Sharon.  Come on.  Did you forget who your husband is?  I’ve seen your family on tv…

So then Sheryl Underwood, the Sherri Shepherd of The Talk, chimed in with this:

“I’m gonna speak for all black people and say that the only thing we like funky is our music.”

So after all this, I did a little research and found this:

Linda Stasi from the New York Post said, “This mommy-answer to The View is a somewhat dumbed down version of The View.”

Mommy answer to the View?

Do you know how many young kids the ladies on The Talk have combined?

That’s right.

ONE.

So let me clue you in on something, germ-free ladies from The Talk…

I didn’t take a shower yesterday.

And my husband didn’t file for divorce.

You know what else?

I have gone 2 days without showering.

Multiple times.

And, Aisha —  hold on to your hat…

I have even gone 3 days without a shower.

And I’m still married.

You guys are out of touch.

Instead of wasting my time watching The Talk today, I think I’ll take a shower at 2:00.

Or not.

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