But what if you do GREAT?

So the Boston Marathon is in three days and it’s just starting to really sink in.

I have spent all day alternating between having minor anxiety attacks and then talking myself out of them.

I’ve said this before, but I am nowhere near physically ready for this.

And it’s really been out of my control.

We have an assload of kids, they were all sick for like three months in a row, it snowed for pretty much the whole month of February and we had a ton of snow days, blah, blah, blah.

I also still have a tendency to jump into things without really thinking things through.

So anyway, I’m really nervous.

I should have done a bunch of long runs leading up to this, but I’ve only done one thirteen mile run and two ten milers.

It’s not near enough.

And if one more person mentions Heartbreak Hill, and makes that face, I might just punch them in it.

Plus, (too much information coming) I was lucky enough to just get my period.

So now I will be running the Boston Marathon with a tampon half inserted in my unit the whole time, because after birthing five children, the only thing that will stay securely lodged up in there is a jumbo roll of Bounty paper towels with a tug-of-war rope attached to it.

And now it might rain on Monday.

Yeah.

So I’ve spent all day thinking about all the things that could possibly go wrong.

I’m going to run another marathon in the rain.

My tampon will come flying out.

I’ll finish last.

Or I won’t even finish at all…

A couple weeks ago, I was coaching a swim meet.

And one of the young girls on the team was sitting behind the blocks waiting for her event.

I looked at her from across the deck and I saw that she was crying. I went and sat down next to her and asked her what was wrong.

“I might count wrong,” she said.

“So what if you do?” I asked her.

“Well then I won’t do a best time,” she said.

“So what if you don’t?” I asked her.

She didn’t really have a response.

I told her that this was supposed to be fun.

I told her that she would do her best, and that was all she could ask of herself.

And then I said, “But what if you do GREAT?”

“What if you swim a best time?”

“What if you focus on all the things that could go really well, rather than all the stuff that could go wrong?”

And then I left her alone.

And then she swam a great race and had a best time. By like twenty seconds.

And she climbed out of the water with a huge smile on her face.

All that worrying for nothing.

If I were one of my swimmers, I would tell myself to snap out of it.

And focus on all the things that could go well.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

Because I know I’m going to try my hardest.

I’m a mom with a whole bunch of kids and limited resources and finances who can’t control the weather and there is only so much I can do.

But I will do my best.

And I will enjoy the experience.

Which is why I signed up for this whole thing to begin with.

(In addition to running for Swim Across America and raising money for cancer research, awareness, and treatment — Click here to donate! — I still have to raise a bazillion dollars).

So, no more panicking. No more worrying. No more expecting the worse.

I’m going to have fun.

If my tampon flies out, well, I will have a pretty good blog post to write next week.

And maybe, just maybe, I will run my fastest marathon so far.

Maybe I won’t.

But maybe I will!

I’ve run three marathons in the last two years. Here are my times:

2013 New York City Marathon:  4:37.45

2014 Hartford Marathon:  4:44.28

2014 Cape Cod Marathon:  4:50.11

No land speed records there.

But maybe this one will be the fastest one of the list.

If you want to follow along with me, and give me some moral support, I could use it.

Even with my new attitude adjustment, I’ll take all the positive vibes I can get.

I am bib # 29091, and I start at 11:15 a.m.

There is a mobile app you can download to see exactly how (awesome) I am doing (click here to get it).

Okay.

It’s late.

I better get some sleep.

I’ve got an exciting weekend coming up, and I need to go to bed so I can dream about how great it’s going to be.

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