When I used to teach, I was friends with a teacher who had a daughter.
A little fire cracker of a daughter.
And her daughter was a bit of a terror at preschool.
At one point, the daughter was going through a biting phase. I remember thinking,
Whoa. She’s a teacher.
A teacher should not have a kid like that.
A teacher should know better.
Then I had Number 4.
Yikes.
People were going to start saying the same things about me.
I mean, I wasn’t still teaching at the time, but as far as I’m concerned,
once a teacher, always a teacher.
Number 4 was never an easy child. From that first night in the hospital.
She wouldn’t let anyone other than me hold her until she was almost a year old. She wouldn’t take a bottle. She only wanted to sleep in a swing…
We worked very, very hard to get her on track.
VERY hard.
She was getting better by the time she started preschool when she was 3, but she still had a ways to go.
Her progress reports were always the same.
They had those words on them that teachers use to tell you that your kid is a pain-in-the-ass.
Energetic.
Spirited.
Enthusiastic.
We all know those words mean your kid won’t stay in her seat, she won’t stay on task, and she won’t shut the fuck up.
So when I got the email from Number 4’s kindergarten teacher, I wasn’t surprised.
She was semi-out-of-control in the classroom.
It was right when Number 7 was born, so I expected she’d be worse than usual.
Now, in my experience, the kids do better with rewards for good behavior rather than just stripping them of all privileges and locking them in the world’s longest time out.
I had to give Number 4 a goal.
The biggest carrot I had to dangle in front of her at the time was holding her new baby sister.
Now I know that a teacher’s day is crazy, so I came up with this plan.
The teacher would send home a post-it note from school with a number on a scale from 1-10. That would only take the teacher 2 seconds to do. She wouldn’t have to make a behavior chart or anything like that.
I emailed the teacher with my proposal, and she was on board.
I explained this new set up to Number 4, and I told her that she had to get an 8 or higher to hold her sister after school.
That was enough to get her on track.
The next week I added in television. There would be no tv at night before bed unless she got an 8 or higher.
She rose to the occasion.
Then, the next week, I upped it to 9. 9 or higher, or no tv and no baby.
She only had one or two days in this whole time where she was below that target number.
And I stayed consistent and followed through. On those days she got a 7, or lower, she missed out.
No baby.
While the other kids watched a show before bedtime, she was up in her room alone.
She didn’t like it.
It wasn’t long before she was getting 10’s, consistently.
And then,
she was,
as she said,
off the numbers.
We didn’t need them anymore.
Unlike Number 4, Number 3 has always been my shy, quiet, anxious kid.
The one who was mortified if an adult had to reprimand him, especially a teacher.
The one that I knew was always going to do the right thing at school.
Until about 7 months ago, when I got this email from his teacher:
Hi Susie-
Hope all is well. [Number 3’s] behavior has been off the past few days. He has been very silly and interrupting quite a bit. A lot of his comments are pretty silly, so I am not sure if he is just trying to get others to laugh or what. I spoke with him today…
WAIT.
WHAT???
NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Number 3 was my sure thing! Where the hell did this shit come from?
I had become that teacher again. The one with the pain in the ass kid.
What the hell?
The teacher last year was a little more laid back. She didn’t think he needed to go, you know, on the numbers.
I think we probably should have, because this year at Open House, Number 3’s teacher let me know that he walked up to her and announced,
“I’m the class clown.”
Hmmm.
He must get that from his father.
I tried to talk to him about being silly, and trying to make people laugh, and that when you force it, it’s not funny. That it’s annoying. That people are laughing at you because you are making an ass out of yourself, not because you are hilarious.
I thought he kind of got it.
Until I got this email:
Hi Susie,
I wanted to touch base with you about [Number 3’s] behavior. I had to speak with him today about being disruptive trying to be funny. He was calling out and making “funny” comments causing me to stop a few times to wait for him to be appropriate.
I told him I would be emailing you.
Thanks for talking to him…
Shit.
I called the teacher. We talked. He was looking for attention, she said.
I explained the post-its, and she was on board.
I filled Number 3 in on his new arrangement.
He needed a 9 or 10 that first day to watch tv. I threw in the Fucking Rainbow Loom bracelet as added incentive.
He came home that first day with an 8.
No tv.
No bracelet.
He said he was good.
He said he didn’t know why he only got an 8.
He cried.
I called him out on his bullshiz, and I didn’t cave.
The next day?
10!
So I told him if he got two 10’s in a row, we’d do something special this weekend. Just him and me. I told him it wouldn’t cost money, that it wouldn’t be huge, but we would do something special.
And yesterday?
E. lev. en.
11!
Out of 10!
[Number 3] had an awesome day!!! An 11.
Have a great weekend…
WOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!!
He got home, and he was so proud of himself. And you know what he said?
“Mommy? For my special reward, can we go to the middle school? Just you and me? Can I ride my bike just with you, and bring my baseball so we can play catch? Please?”
I said yes.
And he reacted as though we were going to Disney World.
Shit.
Here I was thinking he was looking for the teacher’s attention.
And all this time, it turns out,
he was looking for mine.
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This was one of those amazing posts that as a Mom of a 5 year old and a teacher, I can completely relate to. Thank you.
LOVE this system! So easy for the teacher — so clear to the kid! Where were you when my kids were little — and ALSO the self-appointed class clowns? :o)