One of my favorite quotes is, “You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”
I think most women, and mothers in particular, grew up with this setting-yourself-on-fire mentality.
You place not only the needs, but also the wants of other people ahead of you at all times.
You do things for other people that make you uncomfortable and unhappy.
You hug people you don’t want to hug.
You don’t say no.
You don’t hurt other people’s feelings or disappoint them.
You neglect yourself and pour all your time, energy, and resources into other people.
When you become a mom this way of thinking doesn’t change.
It gets worse.
The kids come first. Always. Give them every opportunity you never had. Overextend yourself. Wear yourself down. Deplete yourself.
It’s for the kids.
In 18 years you can focus on yourself.
But 18 years later you have not only modeled 18 years of unhealthy behavior for your children, but you’ve practiced that set-yourself-on-fire way of thinking for another two decades.
That mentality is ingrained big time now. And not just for you, but for your whole family.
If you thought it was uncomfortable to make changes when you are 35, it’s not any easier at 55.
It’s way harder.
Because now you’ve got 20 years of behavior that your kids (and your spouse) have become accustomed to.
Your kids don’t need to be older and independent for you to start setting boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries starts at birth.
If there’s anything I wish I had figured out earlier in my parenting journey, it is this.
Which leads me to another favorite quote…
The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second-best time is now.
If you’ve spent your whole life setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm, it’s never too late to find a different way.
Start now.
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