Born, Not Made

I’ve made out with a girl before.

There.

I said it.

Actually, I’ve made out with more than one girl.

Once it was on a dare.

Another time, just for fun.

A third time, I did it for shock value.

And if we’re going to be totally honest, with one of those girls, I did a lot more than make out.

Twice.

It was a long time ago.

I was curious.

And after a couple relationships with a couple different guys gone completely wrong, I wondered if maybe I should be taking a dip in the lady pond.

It turned out I was swimming in the correct body of water after all.

And I kind of think that if you wonder if you might be gay, well, then you’re not.

I think if you are, you know.

But telling people, especially your family, can be, well, terrifying.

And how awful and sad and lonely must that feel?

To know that there is something at the very core of your being that you don’t feel you can tell your own mother?

I can’t imagine.

When I was a freshman in high school, I had a major crush on this guy.

He was my cousin’s best friend.

MCBF.

And for years, I waited for him to finally acknowledge that he had a thing for me too.

He never had a girlfriend.

I thought maybe he was taking his time, and that he was just waiting for the perfect moment to let me know.

That he was afraid to pull the trigger because we were such good friends.

He never did pull that trigger.

Eventually, I gave up and moved on.

My cousin, MCBF and I still spent a lot of time together.

Through college.

And after college.

I would often bring whoever I was dating at the time along when we would go out.

Whenever I did, MCBF would really give him the once over.

I thought he was making sure the guy was okay for me.

I thought he was being protective.

I should have realized.

That he was gay.

And checking my boyfriends out.

He didn’t come out until a few years ago.

And, in fact, I haven’t even spoken to him since he has.

We kind of lost touch after I got married and had kids.

My cousin told me.

But when she did, I felt so happy and so sad for MCBF at the same time.

Happy that he finally felt confident enough, or brave enough, or was just fed up enough, to let people know.

And set himself free.

The sadness was because he spent over 40 years of his life not feeling safe enough to let even his family and closest friends know this about him.

Number 3 and 4 are kind of obsessed with America’s Got Talent.

There is a 20-year-old kid on the show named Jonathan Allen.

He recently came out to his parents.

And his parents, in turn, shunned him.

I wanted to jump through my tv and hug this poor kid.

He told this story on the show.

He used the word gay.

And then, of course, Number 3 and Number 4 asked what gay  meant.

Hmmm.

I hadn’t really thought about this question.

You think about how you will handle the death question.

How you will handle the sex question.

But what about the gay question?

I wasn’t really prepared.

So, I was honest.

I told them that sometimes a girl falls in love with a boy.

And sometimes a boy falls in love with a boy.

If you’re a boy who falls in love with a boy, then that’s called being gay.

I explained it was the same for girls who fall in love with girls.

I decided that homosexual and lesbian were vocabulary words we didn’t need to discuss yet.

Then, of course, they asked if  boy could marry a boy.

Because, according to them, that’s what you do when you fall in love.

You get married.

Well?

“It depends on where you live, ” I told them.

And then I changed the subject.

I wasn’t ready to figure out a way to answer any more complicated questions than that.

And really, all I wanted them to know is that I think it’s just fine to fall in love with whoever you fall in love with.

I don’t think any of the kids are gay.

But if they are, I want them to know there’s nothing wrong with that.

As long as they are happy.

I don’t want them to feel alone.

I don’t want them to spend 40 years of their lives hiding.

I don’t want them to fear that their mother will stop loving them.

Or being proud of them.

I want them to know that we are all different.

Our brains are all wired differently.

Some people like vanilla ice cream.

Some people like chocolate.

Some people like scary movies.

Some people like funny movies.

Some people like cold weather.

Some people like hot.

Some people like girls.

And some people like boys.

Some people like girls and boys.

Acceptance.

That’s what I want to teach them.

That I accept them no matter how their brains are wired.

I recently met someone who is gay.

Or bisexual.

I think the coming out process may still be happening.

And this person wasn’t sure how I would react to this knowledge.

And kind of looked to a friend to see if it was okay to tell me.

Would I be judgemental?

Would I care?

Well, my friend…

No.

Whether you play for the Yankees or the Red Sox, Lehigh or Lafayette, the girls, or the boys,

I will be your biggest cheerleader.

And so will my kids.

If you’re feeling alone,  if you feel like you can’t tell anyone, well, you can.

You can tell me.

I don’t care which team you play for.

Because ultimately,

we are all on the same team.

The human being team.

Nope.

I’m not teaching my kids to hide in a closet.

I’m keeping that baby empty.

After all,

that’s the only place I’ve got left to hide from them 🙂

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