Boarding School

About four-and-a-half years ago I was at a swim meet with Kristofer and Ingrid at MIT.

There were a bunch of teams there from Massachusetts and New York and Connecticut.

As luck would have it, my college roommate and swim teammate (who lives on Nantucket) was at the meet with her son (who is the same age as Kristofer), and they ended up swimming next to each other at finals one night.

My friend posted a picture of the two boys on Facebook, and another friend and former teammate of ours who coaches swimming at a boarding school jokingly left a comment that said, “Send him here!”

Kristofer had no interest in boarding school, but upon hearing that, the seed was planted for Ingrid.

She was going to go to high school there.

She had no idea where the school was or anything about it, but once she learned that boarding schools were a thing she was like I’M GOING.

Then when we visited, she fell in love.

I was hoping she would hate it because there was no way in hell I could pay for it.

I told her she could go if she got a full scholarship.

She got a full scholarship.

So something that was NEVER even a blip on the radar became a reality two years ago when Ingrid started her freshman year in the middle of a pandemic at a school five hours away from us.

Dropping her off and not being able to go into her dorm was pretty brutal.

She was super excited for school to start but once it was time for me to go and reality set in, she was like, I’m not sure if this was such a good decision.

She was 13 and not only was I not going to be able to visit her until she came home for Thanksgiving, but she was going to celebrate her 14th birthday away from all of us.

The first week was REALLY hard for her, but after that she settled in pretty nicely.

Freshman year was definitely challenging, mostly because of the pandemic. Ingrid has always been super energetic and social and all the covid rules and restrictions made things extra tricky for her.

It wasn’t a typical year. The whole school was sent home from Thanksgiving until the middle of March for full remote learning, and she didn’t have an official high school swim season that year.

But she did love the swim team, and even with lots of challenges for her that first year, she really liked school.

Her sophomore year, things were almost totally normal, and it was a completely different ball game.

SHE LOVED SCHOOL.

And we were able to go visit her and see her swim and meet her friends this year.

In fact, she’s currently doing a countdown for how many days she has until she can go back.

She’s over us already.

She has a some really good friends at school. And a boyfriend.

She can’t wait to get back.

Boarding school has been an awesome fit for Ingrid.

She’s challenged academically and has access to technology and resources and opportunities she would NEVER have access to in public school.

She really enjoys the way she’s able to interact with her teachers and she’s doing incredibly well academically.

She finished her sophomore year with a 94 average. She loved her teachers.

I could always rely on you to spark discussion among your classmates…

Your final essay comparing the Hindu and Buddhist traditions was a testament to your strong grasp of what we learned over the past eight weeks. Stay curious! 

Your energy and attitude in class every day was remarkable…I believe you also learned a lot about yourself and how to channel your massive amount of energy for good, and not just for distractions.

You tackled a difficult topic – rising sea levels in Nepal – for your Development Project, and despite the challenges you were able to come up with a potentially viable grassroots solution to the housing crisis caused by flooding.

This is the kind of academic environment she thrives in.

And it was the first time in her life that she’s really been pushed academically. This has been the biggest challenge for her at school because before high school she never had to work hard for any of her grades. Everything came so easily to her.

She had to learn how to handle academic frustrations.

She’s always been used to working hard in the pool, but she never had to work hard in the classroom.

Boarding school changed that for her.

Boarding school is also much more diverse than the public school the rest of my kids attend.

Ingrid goes to school with kids from all over the country and all over the world.

And while there are lots of extremely – and I mean EXTREMELY – wealthy kids at her school, there are also lots of kids whose parents don’t make a bazillion dollars who receive a significant amount of financial aid.

Ingrid’s school also has a year-round swim program as well as a brand new aquatic center with arguably the nicest facility in the entire state, so it really is like kismet.

And the facilities in general at her school are just amazing. I wish I could go to school there.

It’s the perfect fit for her.

It’s not the perfect fit for everyone.

Some of her friends have not returned for one reason or another, so it’s not like she’s living in some boarding school Utopia.

But it is the perfect fit for her.

Unlike many of the kids who go to school there, Ingrid and I talk almost daily via Facetime.

From what she tells me this isn’t typical. Most of her friends don’t call their moms every day, but Ingrid likes to call and check in and tell me about her day and this is probably another reason why it’s been such a positive experience for us.

Because my kid hasn’t ditched me.

In addition to a scholarship, Ingrid also receives a yearly stipend, and each month she recieves some spending money, so she is also learning how to budget her money and not blow it all on the first day of the month.

Her swim coach is also her college advisor – each student has a college advisor who actually advises them – and they choose her courses strategically based on what makes the most sense for her.

The amount of prep for college blows public school out of the water.

I can absolutely see why parents who can afford it send their kids to private school.

The quality of public school education really doesn’t compare in any way.

It’s night and day.

What have the cons been?

Really, mostly logistical stuff.

When you have five kids and they all do sports and one kid is in a completely different state than the rest of them, that’s a challenge.

This has catapulted me into having to make tough choices about whose meets and games I attend and who I don’t get to see a few years earlier than I had anticipated.

But these days were inevitable. You can’t be in five places at once and it’s helped me to gain some perspective and realize that all the kids will be okay if I’m not physically at every single thing they do.

The early taste of freedom and independence definitely has a price.

Once a kid has a taste of independence, then it’s also a whole different ball game. If you have a kid home from college right now you understand.

Ingrid is still 15 and doesn’t have her license, and now that she’s home she can’t just walk to her friend’s dorm room to hang out or go eat dinner with the swim team whenever she wants, so coming home and having less independence and having to rely on other people for transportation is frustrating to her.

She’ll be happy next summer when she has her license.

Going away to school has obviously limited the amount of time I get to spend with Ingrid, but we are both okay with it.

She is truly thriving at school, and I couldn’t possibly provide that for her here.

As far as what the kids at her school are like?

It’s been no different than the kids at public school.

There are drugs at boarding school.

And there are drugs in public school.

There is vaping at boarding school.

And there is a SHIT TON of vaping in public school

There are rich assholes at boarding school.

There are rich assholes in public schools.

There are kids having sex at boarding school.

And there are kids having sex in public schools.

The same shit happens in both places.

What it really comes down to is figuring out which place makes the most sense for your kid. Which place is the best fit.

I don’t think Ingrid’s school would be a great fit for all my kids.

But it’s definitely the perfect fit for her.