And they lived HAPPILY ever after.

Yesterday while I was making dinner, I was watching the Pioneer Woman.

And while the only thing true about the title of that show is that Ree Drummond is a female,

I still like to watch it.

And I don’t know that everything is as perfect as it seems when the cameras aren’t rolling.

I’d like to think that she pokes her head around the corner,

checks to see if any cameras are on,

and then goes off on her kids who are fighting,

and watching tv,

when they are supposed to be doing their really impressive homeschooling lessons.

I’d like to think that on the non-filming days,

her kids are eating cereal,

or hot dogs,

or mac and cheese,

from a box,

for dinner.

I’d like to think that she’s a total bitch to her husband,

and tells him to make his own fucking dinner for once,

and that she’s not going to hand deliver another basket full of freshly baked muffins out to him while he’s branding cattle unless he starts helping her out with all the shit there is to do inside the house.

I must believe that in order to go on…

Anyway,

yesterday while watching her show, I learned that Bree has an advice column on her blog now.

An advice column.

Ha.

And someone wrote in to ask her how she keeps the romance alive in her marriage.

And  you know what she said?

She said sometimes she bakes cookies for her husband’s lunch,

packs them up,

and puts a little note in them.

I like your muscles.

That’s what her note said.

Really?

It should have said

I like your muscles.

Oh, and the fact that we have a shitload of money.

I know,

money doesn’t solve problems.

But it helps.

I’d be much more interested to hear suggestions from a woman who has the big fucking money cloud looming over her head.

Because it takes a toll.

It’s taking a toll on me and my marriage.

And I know that if it’s going to change, I need to look at it from a different perspective.

I went off on my husband yesterday, and I haven’t talked to him since 11:00 yesterday morning.

I can’t imagine baking anything for him in the next 24 hours.

And if I wrote him a note right now,

well,

then he’d just have evidence of how much of a bitch I am.

But holding onto this anger is not solving any problems.

It’s funny how all the stuff I’ve  learned on this fitness journey,

applies to everything.

Not just weight loss.

It’s easy to just blame.

I want to keep blaming.

To sit,

not change my thoughts,

or my actions,

be the same person I am,

and let it all be his fault.

It’s easy to use the stress of money, or the lack of it, as  an excuse.

There are a few women in my e-courses who are injured.

I haven’t told them to just scrap the whole thing because they now have an extra obstacle.

To sit back and say fuck it.

I’m injured so I quit.

In fact,

today I posted this picture with one of the lessons:

No excuses.

It’s annoying, but it applies to everything.

Everything.

So that’s my working woman’s first rule of advice to keeping the romance alive.

No blaming.

And no excuses.

You can blame the lack of money,

or the psycho ex-wives,

change nothing,

and remain miserable.

You can continue to practice habits that are not healthy for you,

or your relationship.

Or,

you can change them.

I’ve been working my ass off to change my body.

But I haven’t been working my ass off to change or improve my marriage.

And marriage is fucking hard.

Way harder than being a parent.

I do want that my husband is my best friend relationship.

I want that fairy tale relationship.

I think we all expect that it just happens.

But I think that’s wrong.

I think you have to make it happen.

Lately I feel like the biggest thing my husband and I have in common is discussing how much of an asshole his ex-wife is.

Somehow that turns into a discussion about finances.

And then,

inevitably,

an argument.

My husband and I never have date night anymore.

We spend zero time alone together.

That’s not healthy for our relationship.

I blame him.

He never makes plans.

I blame money.

We can’t afford to go out.

I blame lack of sleep.

I’m too tired.

And I do nothing.

If I were a member of my e-course,

I would have seriously kicked my own ass.

So how do you keep the romance alive?

Number 1?

You need to stop making excuses,

you need to stop blaming,

and you need to spend some time together.

You may also need to be creative.

If I can dedicate one night a week to cooking with Number 4,

on a budget,

then I can dedicate the same thing to my marriage.

Is it going to take work?

Yeah.

It is.

But not getting along most of the time is not fun.

I want more for me. And us.

It’s not going to take care of itself with a batch of cookies and a post-it.

New habits.

That’s what make changes.

And establishing new habits takes a lot of work.

And so,

the How to Keep the Romance Alive in Your Marriage When You Are On a Budget

portion of the blog has just been born.

I want to hold myself accountable.

And not run out of steam after one week,

and slip back into old habits.

So,

Week 1, Lesson 1.

I’m going to start small, with a daily assignment.

Give your husband a hug every morning. If he leaves for work before you get up,

then adjust the time accordingly.

But you must give him a tight,

lingering hug.

At least once a day.

Squeeze tight, and tell him you love him,

Even if you want to rip his head off.

Especially if you want to rip his head off 😉

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