Dear Preschool Picture and Entertainment Coupon Book Fundraising Companies:
Fuck you.
Your shady practice of sending crap home, that we didn’t order, and then expecting it returned in its original condition if we don’t want it,
um,
SUCKS.
Taking advantage of frazzled, overwhelmed moms who already have too much shit to keep track of is a pretty douchey thing to do.
I didn’t ask for the deluxe ROSE package, photographers.
And I don’t have the time or desire to figure out which freaking pictures to keep and which ones to return to make up the cheapest package.
But you already knew that.
You’re not stupid.
But you are assholes.
And YOU, Entertainment Coupon Book Fundraiser Companies…
YOU SUCK TOO.
It’s pretty ballsy of you to send something home in Number 4’s backpack.
Something that I didn’t ask for.
Something that costs $25.
Something with pages in it that you can write on.
And rip out.
If I want your fucking book, I’ll let you know.
But putting crap in my kid’s backpack and expecting it to get to me (and then back to you) unscathed is a no-lifeguard-on-duty-swim-at-your-own-risk kind of a thing.
Soooo,
You know what I did?
Well, Mr. Photographer, I put a puppy in your kid’s backpack.
Isn’t he cute?
Don’t worry.
You only have to send me $49.95 for it.
Or you can return it to me.
But your son has already named him.
And YOU…
Mr. Coupon Book Asswipe.
Your daughter has a kitten in her backpack.
She’s very cute.
And fluffy.
See?
Your daughter loves her!
And she’s a bargain compared to the puppy.
Only $25.
But don’t worry.
If you don’t want your daughter to keep it, you can just send that fluffy little kitty back to me.
If you choose that option, please be sure to check off the “rip your kid’s heart out” box on the return package.
Thanks.
It’s been a pleasure doing business with you 🙂
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I read your blog everyday and I love it! Your post today is SPOT ON! I am a full time working mother to two girls and it wears me the eff out. I have no idea how you manage your brood but you are doing an awesome job!
Ha! Thank you! My goal is to stay afloat, just like everyone else 🙂
School fund raisers blow. Even from a teacher’s perspective. When I taught I would dread the coupon book fundraiser. No matter how clearly I explained to the students and parents that this was not a free book and that they would have to pay for it or return it, they wouldn’t understand. To make it worse, the PTA would nag me to contact the parents of the kids who didn’t return them. I was all hell no, it’s your fundraiser, you contact them! I finally got smart the last year before I went out on maternity leave- the books came in a few days before back to school night and I put one on each kids desk that night. during my presentation, I explained it to parents and told them if they didn’t want to buy it they could let me know that night. About half of the parents handed the book to me on the way out and said “no thanks”!
Stay afloat? I’m not worried about you or your kids at all! YOU ROCK!
Thank you Jerry 🙂
SERIOUSLY! Mine rips her backpack apart on the bus ride home every day. Nothing gets into my hand before it is torn, wrinkled and bent.