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Today was hard.
Really hard.
Like I-don’t-think-I-can-do-this hard.
Run away hard.
Numb-yourself-with-food hard.
Snap-at-your-kids-and-project-your-anger/frustration/worries/fears onto them hard.
Doubting yourself hard.
Questioning everything hard.
Complete-and-total-overwhelm hard.
Fetal-position hard.
When things kind of came to a boiling point, I had a minor panic attack.
Okay, I had a major panic attack.
I allowed myself to completely flounder for a while.
And then I thought about Number 4 and those first 48 hours at boarding school just a month ago.
I thought about what she said to me.
I don’t think I can do this.
And then I thought about what I said to her.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
Relatively speaking, I am right where Number 4 was a month ago.
She was going through the most difficult thing she had ever endured.
And now it’s my turn.
BUT…
Number 4 is so happy now. She misses home, sure, but she LOVES school.
SHE LOVES IT!!!
So I thought about what I said to Number 4 exactly four weeks ago.
And then I snapped out of it.
I took a couple deep breaths.
I made a plan.
And then I executed.
If Number 4 can get through some really tough stuff, then I owe it to her — and myself — to do the same thing.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my adult life.
AND I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS.
(and whatever your hard thing is, you totally can, too)
You CAN do this! I KNOW you can. We got your back.
Number 4 is my hero today! Right there with you on the horrible, terrible, no good very bad day!
It was a hard day here too. Thank you.
Ps. #4 is awesome
Oh Susie, panic attacks are really really hard. But they are also a sign that there is so much you have pushed down, tried to let go, and yet it stayed. It is in a way good that you could let out some emotion, even if it came out as a scream or as tears. When you write here encouraging every reader of yours , I understand that the resolution you reach does not come easy. The world asks for bravery , we give it. And then it asks for more. You are strong , yes you are. But behind that strength , the turmoil that you go through , I do not miss it. You are a Wildflower Susie, and grow you will!
And number four, she is a joy to behold!