Get Rid Of The Junk

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I think sometimes we moms have convinced ourselves that we have to do a whole bunch of shit we really don’t want to do because once you become a mom, that’s how things work.

You should become a good cook. Even if you hate cooking.

You should have a neat, organized, and clean house, and you should have figured out how to do that all by yourself, around the needs and wants of your family.

You should do crafty things with your kids.

Even if you fucking hate crafts.

So we either kill and neglect ourselves becoming good at all the things we have convinced ourselves we should be doing because we are moms.

Or we beat ourselves up because we haven’t mastered EVERYTHING.

When we go the first route — the neglecting ourselves so we can do everything for everyone else — you know what happens?

We don’t feel fulfilled.

We don’t feel accomplished.

We certainly don’t feel appreciated.

We feel exhausted, resentful, and eventually, really fucking pissed that we are busting our asses and doing ALL THE THINGS for everyone else (at our own expense) and NOBODY SEEMS TO NOTICE.

There’s no appreciation.

There’s no gratitude.

There are only expectations that have been put in to place because of what we continue to do over and over and over again.

Why do we do this?

Why do we keep doing things we don’t want to do? Things that make us angry and overwhelmed and that suck all the life out of us?

I guess it’s because that’s what we’ve seen modeled for us.

The other day when I was out on a run, I was listening to the Rise And Grind podcast by Daymond John. He’s one of the stars of Shark Tank.

He was talking to Barbara Corcoran who is one of the other stars of Shark Tank.

She’s a mom and she’s also a successful businesswoman who built a real estate company that she eventually sold for over sixty million dollars.

In the podcast she said something I thought was particularly interesting and important.

She was talking about something she realized when she was building her company. She realized there were aspects of the job she really didn’t enjoy. And she was talking about how this applies not just to a job, but to any area of life.

You don’t need money to get rid of the things you don’t like. You need ingenuity, a little bit of imagination, a little bit of hustle to find a way to make it happen. I just always think there’s a way to make anything happen…

She explained how she came to this realization.

one day I sat down and I said, “I’m unhappy. Why am I so unhappy? I used to love this.” And so I wrote down what I loved about the job and what I hated about the job and I don’t now remember what was on that list, but one of the things I hated about the job at that point was working weekends with customers I didn’t like… and so I said, I’m giving up sales… now that was a leap of faith. I was ripping out of the company most of its income by me not selling. But what was on my what I loved part first and foremost was I LOVED helping the salespeople succeed. And so I said, “I’m gonna focus on that. And see if I get so good at that these people replace my income. And within a year they had replaced my income easily and I was doing all day long what I loved the most.” it was so easy to go to the library which is something I did maybe every 3rd or 4th month, write down a list of what was buggin’ me and what I loved, and I’d to back and delegate everything that was bugging me. Just get rid of it! And you know what happened? The next day I’d go to work and I was young again! I LOVE MY JOB I LOVE MY JOB!!! And so I just got rid of the junk. I do it in my personal life, I do it in my business life, and I think I’m probably the happiest person I know. Maybe there are happier people, but I kind of think I’m way up there and that’s because I don’t waste time giving away a part of my life to something I don’t want to give it away to.

So often we tell ourselves we have to do stuff we hate doing because that’s part of being a human being.

But really, you don’t.

Everything is a choice.

Yeah, there are consequences to not doing things that aren’t fun.

You don’t have to work. You could choose not to.

There is a consequence attached to that decision, but you don’t have to work.

You don’t have to get enough sleep or brush your teeth or eat well balanced meals or exercise or pay your taxes or do anything.

Obviously you want to do most of those things that keep your physical and emotional health intact. But one part of keeping your emotional health intact is not living a life that’s full of things you hate doing.

You don’t have to do most of the stuff you have convinced yourself you have to do once you become a mom.

You don’t!

You can delegate mom stuff, too.

Your husband (if you have one) is a grown man. He is capable. He can do things.

You can carpool.

You can get a cleaning service.

You can use a meal prep or delivery service.

You can outsource opening and closing your pool, landscaping, driveway plowing, grocery shopping…

Anything.

Yeah, I know these things cost money, but so many of us use that excuse as a way to judge and shame other people.

ESPECIALLY WOMEN.

If a dude paid a babysitter to drive his kids all over creation a couple days a week, we probably wouldn’t bat an eyelash.

We probably would say something like, Well, of course he did that. He could never handle doing what we do.

There might be some truth to that statement.

But when a woman delegates that shit to someone else we judge and whisper and call her a shitty mom who doesn’t want to spend time with her kids.

But what if she doesn’t love being a glorified chauffeur? What if it made her really resentful?

What if delegating that shit to someone else removed one of those tasks she really didn’t enjoy at all so when she was with her kids she was not resentful about driving and she was happy to be doing the things she really enjoyed with her kids?

I’m just using driving as an example.

And I’m not saying we should pay people to do all the things we don’t enjoy doing. Most of us aren’t in a position to do that anyway.

But you don’t have to do a whole bunch of stuff you don’t want to do.

YOU DON’T.

That doesn’t make you a shitty mom.

Cutting the crap out of your life that you don’t like to allow you to do the things you really love and are good at isn’t selfish.

It’s self care.

And we could all take a page out of Barbara’s book and get rid of the stuff that bugs us.

So what are you gonna get rid of first?