Done Is Better Than Perfect

Yesterday I wrote down everything I need to do this week.

And then I had an anxiety attack.

It’s Halloween tomorrow and early dismissal for three of the kids on three days and there are two class Halloween parties and I have three report card conferences on Friday, middle school cross country conference championships tonight, a swim meet on Friday night, middle school cross country state championships on Saturday, and a swim banquet on Sunday.

This is in addition to regular swim practice and cub scouts and you know… life.

And yesterday I had a less than stellar day in the mom department.

It was a day full of mess ups and fails and all I wanted to do was go to bed and start over today.

Upon waking up this morning I was overcome, again, with anxiety.

I have always loved dressing up for Halloween.

And every year the kids look forward to my costume.

I’ve been, among other things,

Caroline Ingalls (when she brings her eggs in to Mrs. Olsen),

Donald Trump (before he was even a candidate),

a Rainbow Loom (or f*cking rainbow loom, as I referred to it back then),

a water bottle (during the bottle flipping craze),

and Jack Pearson.

Every year the kids look forward to my costume.

And every year, during Halloween day when the kids are in school is usually when my inspiration strikes.

They’ll come home eagerly anticipating what I came up with.

But this year I just don’t have it in me. I have so much to do without even thinking about Halloween, and I have neither the inspiration nor the time to think up anything good, let alone make the costume.

You know what else I realized this morning?

I completely forgot about carving pumpkins.

Every year we have carved pumpkins with the kids.

Some years my parents came up to help out, especially when the kids were younger.

This was the year we had a blizzard two days before Halloween.

Last year it was so warm out we carved them outside.

No matter the weather, without fail we have carved pumpkins!

I started putting them outside on the fence in front of our house the night before Halloween a few years ago.

People tell me how much they look forward to seeing our pumpkins every year.

This year there will be no carved pumpkins on the fence.

I don’t even have pumpkins for all the kids this year.

I’m sure the kids will be disappointed.

But you know what?

Sometimes you just can’t do it all.

Sometimes you do the bare minimum and scrape by.

And this year will be the bare minimum.

After I got over my Halloween-induced panic attack this morning, I had another reality check.

Today’s cross country meet will be done around 5:30 or 6:00 pm.

Tonight is the only swim practice this week that Number 5 and 7 can get to, so I was stressing out about watching Number 3 and 4 run in the cross country meet and then driving an hour to get to them to swim practice on time.

Because Number 5 and 7 had to get to swim practice.

And then this morning around 6 a.m. I was thinking to myself, do they really have to go to swim practice?

They are seven and nine years old, for crying out loud.

If they have a week where they don’t make it to practice, it won’t be the end of the world. It won’t affect their swim season or their swim careers, or, more importantly, their futures as human beings.

It can be so easy to get wrapped up in what we have determined we have to do or what the kids have to do, when in reality, there is no gun to our heads, and there is nothing life threatening or earth shattering on the line.

Sometimes we overwhelm ourselves unnecessarily.

So we are not going to worry about the pumpkins, and we aren’t going to worry about swim practice and I’m not going to worry about a Halloween costume, and you know what?

I feel much less stressed and anxious already.

And rather than going to watch Number 3 and 4’s cross country meet tonight and feeling totally overwhelmed by everything I still need to do and worrying the whole time we are at the meet whether or not we will make it to swim practice on time when the meet is done and telling everyone repeatedly to HURRY UP!, I will be able to watch Number 3 and 4 and give them my brain’s full (or mostly full) attention.

And this is my reminder to you.

You don’t have to do it all.

And you certainly don’t have to do it all perfectly.

You don’t need to do any of it perfectly.

Done is better than perfect.

If you can’t do whatever the tradition is this year for Halloween (or any holiday for that matter) for whatever reason, that’s okay.

Your kids will survive. And you will survive.

You don’t have to make cookies from scratch. You can buy them at the store.

Your kids don’t care.

It’s okay if you don’t go to the extra Halloween party or the trunk or treat or whatever else is happening in addition to Halloween this year.

Trick-or-treating ONE TIME on actual Halloween is PLENTY.

(When did we get to the point where we celebrate Halloween like fourteen times, anyway? AND HOW MUCH CANDY DO YOU REALLY NEED?)

It’s okay if what you bring in for the class party does not require an hour of research on Pinterest.

It’s okay if you don’t even go to the class party!

I was at one today, and at least a third of the class did not have parents there. Your kid will not be the only parent-less one at the party.

You know how else I know your kid will be okay if you skip a party because you just have too much to do or you simply need to eliminate something from your plate due to overwhelm?

Because last year I went to one of Number 6’s class parties.

Unfortunately I showed up about ten minutes after it ended.

And you know what?

HE’S ALIVE AND THRIVING TODAY!

It’s okay if you do the bare minimum.

It’s okay if you buy a costume — or wear the same one as last year — rather than fashioning a new one by hand. Even if you’ve always made one by hand.

It’s okay if you buy a store-made pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving or only offer to bring bottles of plain water that you didn’t decorate to look like little mummies to the class party.

It’s okay if you don’t make Christmas cookies this year or send out Christmas cards or if you just don’t go to an ugly sweater party even if you don’t actually have a scheduling conflict.

It’s okay not to cut down a fresh tree even if that’s what you’ve always done, and it’s okay to just say,

I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK THIS YEAR.

Whether it’s Halloween or Thanksgiving or Christmas — it doesn’t have to be up to Martha Stewart’s standards.

If that kind of stuff relaxes you and brings you joy, then go for it.

But don’t put that unnecessary pressure on yourself.

Once we get through Halloween, we are entering the season of thanks and joy and it’s supposed to be enjoyable.

So relax today, and relax over the next couple months.

Nothing is as big of a deal as we make it in our heads or as big a deal as we have made it in society today!

If you are feeling overwhelmed, keep it simple and keep it in perspective.

And remember it’s not a competition.

And done is better than perfect.