First of all, I am two margaritas into the night, so be forewarned that there is a good chance that this post will contain mumerous typos and I don’t give a crap.
Second, I fucking lost it today.
Like, I. SNAPPED.
So I know it’s most ly my fault that the kids have been so bad that I got to this point because if I had been more on top of them then they wouldn’t have gotten to the point where they ar edoing the same maddening bullshit over and over and fucking over again.
But it’s also the end of July and so I’ve been home with the kids for a month and they aren’t in camp or anything during the day and I don’t have a babysitter and can I just say that being a work at home mom with five kids under 12 years old at home is, um, FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE?
So anyway, we are supposed to go to Hershey PA for a baseball tournament th is weekend and we are going to Hershey Park on Friday and I am taking the five younger kids by myself and it’s like a three and a half hour drive (if you don’t have to stop and pee or pull over because your kids are being assholes which I know we’ll have to do so it’s gonna be more like a 4 1/2 hour drive).
And today I loaded all the kids in the car to just run some errands and less than three minutes in, before we even got to the highway, Number 5 and 6 s t arted beating the shit out of each other.
And I that’s when I fucking lost it.
They couldn’t even make it two miles before they were going at it.
And the tirade began.
” ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? WE AREN’T EVEN ON THE HIGHWAY YET AND YOU ARE BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER?”
Thatt’s when Number 4 turned and looked at Number 5 with the holy shit Mom just swore face.
Because believe it or not, even though I have a serious potty mouth here on the blog and with all of my friends and my husband, I have never cursed in front of the kids.
Until today.
And so that face that Number 4 made enraged me even more.
And then I continued.
“AND GO AHEAD AND TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS THAT YOUR MOM WAS SWEARING AT YOU IN THE CAR!!! I DON’T CARE!!!
ARE THEY GOING TO DRIVE YOU TO HERSHEY???
ARE THEY WORKING THEIR ASS OFF TO BE ABLE TO PAY FOR YOU ALL TO GO TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK SO YOU CAN ACT LIKE A BUNCH OF ANIMALS IN THE CAR???
I DON’T THINK SO!
IN FACT, IF THIS IS THE WAY YOU ARE GOING TO BEHAVE, WE AREN’T GOING !
BECAUSE I CAN’T DO THIS BY MYSELF IF THIS IS THE WAY YOU ACT BEFORE WE EVEN GET ON THE FUCKING HIGHWAY!!!!!!!!”
I’m not quite sure what I said after that.
Alhthough I do know that I banned pretty much anything that requires batteries. Indefinitely.
I know I sc ared the craP out of them.
And that’s totally not the positive parenting way and I do feel a little bad about that because I really do believe in that philosophy but my kids seriously pissed me the fuck off today. And there is only so much you can do. And there is only so much you can take.
But to be honest, I kind of like it that they spent the rest of the day walking on eggshells and terrified like I was Don Corleone or something.
So anyway, I don’t really know what my whole point was here.
Except for that being a parent is fucking hard and b eing a parent during the summer can be really really fucking hard and we are all doing the best that we can and at some point we all fucking lose it.
And today I fucking lost it.
Oh yeah.
And thank God for Kirkland Premium Golden Margaritas.
Yikes if I had been exercising consistently back then I mighta kept my cool a little better.
if you aren’t exercising consistently save yourself a hangover and join my free challenge
Thank God for alcohol and the ability to lose it in occasion. I know my 5 have heard me swear, and snap, a lot more than I care to admit, but it happens. And then we feel guilty. It isn’t poor parenting, it is being human and only having so much give before we break… and drink more 😉
I just love you! I’ve been there oh so many times. I totally get it. I love the moment after the tirade where they walk on egg shells, and when I calm down and they don’t piss me off for a few hours, I feel bad and I apologize. Me losing it is on the decline as they are getting older and generally just don’t want to be around me anymore (friends, video games, music, you know) I didn’t even lose it the other day when I found out my 16 year old spent 991.05 on itunes, I was pretty proud of myself. I have said some pretty bad things to my kids in the past in a moment of losing it, you’re not alone. I love that you put this shit out there so we can see we’re not alone. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully, a better one.
Oh honey it happens to us all. Minew was yesterday. I totally snapped. I cursed. I slammed doors. I stomped. I banned screens. And wine o’clock was somewhere around 6pm. . .lol. Summer is the pits. And we only have 6! You’re the best mother for your kids because you are THEIR mother. Do what you do because as far as I can tell, you kick ass.
I lost it today too! I have never swore at my kids before but today I did. Yes he has heard me I am sure but never directed at him. Today that changed, lol. My daughter is to little to cause the anger but boy oh boy my son managed to hit the right button today! I started counting down to September 1 when he goes back to school! Lol
My boys are 28 and 26 and I have a girl 15. The boys used to say I was bipolar because I would explode on them for fighting and then be like, “what do you guys want for dinner;”. two seconds later. The boys kid about it, but I still tell my daughter “don’t make me go bipolar on you”. It all turns out good in the end. Being there for them and loving them is all that is really required. Great post!!!!
Susie, you are doing the best you can and your kids know it. Let it go–this too shall pass. And you’ve learned from it. Try to have a good time at Hershey Park, rather than another chore that needs to get done. You love kids, you are a teacher, you love your kids–give yourself a break. I recall your marvelous post earlier about the summer you wanted your kids to have. Try to slow down, if possible (the heck with $) and enjoy your life more. I wish my playmate this summer didn’t need to return to college so we could have more time together. Enjoy the moments…