Dear Angela,
I thought it was time I address you personally.
But first, let me catch up any people who are here for the first time…
My husband and I are in a financial crisis. We are facing foreclosure on our home.
It has been a very difficult few years where, just as it may appear that things are looking up, we get slammed by something else.
I feel as though I am being tested. My marriage is for sure being tested as a result of the stress we have been under.
And the only thing that keeps me going is that I have a bunch of kids counting on me. And I also need to teach them that no matter what, you just keep going.
I have been very up front about our issues. And not because I am soliciting money from anyone, not because I am looking for handouts, but because having money troubles totally blows, and most people who are having them feel like they are the only ones in that position.
But they are not.
Lots and lots and lots of hardworking, honest, genuine people of good moral fiber find themselves in situations where they lose it all. Where they are in a hole. And where, no matter how hard they try, they cannot climb out.
And so I write about our struggles because people like me, good people, hard working people, honest people, feel ashamed and embarrassed and like complete failures.
And very often, they don’t feel this way because of themselves.
They feel this way and are afraid to tell anyone about what is going on because of people like YOU.
People who say stupid and mean shit like this:
It’s nice that you are able to afford A TWO week family vacation while in the midst of losing your home. Gotta love Go Fund Me pages! I just read that you are able to start taking out money donated as soon as people start donating. How convienent. You should thank everyone who has donated(I have not) to try to help you “save your house”. People have been very generous. Way to work the system! I’m sure you’re going to say that your parents are paying for everything. Food, gas, etc for your ENTIRE family for TWO whole weeks. If you are going to solicit money from people you should at least be honest about how you arevusing the money.
How nice of you to leave that supportive comment on my latest post.
I could have been nice and fixed all your typos, but I left them in.
Because I don’t really like you much.
Oops. I went off on a tangent.
Now where was I?
Let’s go back to the post I wrote which was entitled, My Parents Are Fucking Awesome.
The one I wrote on June 2 after my parents told me they were taking me and my whole family on a vacation.
Then, let’s fast forward a little bit. To the post I wrote on July 25th. Almost two months later. The one where I was just trying my best to keep moving forward. The one where I was trying to encourage other people in the same boat to do the same thing. Because we are all there at one time or another. Just trying to survive.
Finally, let’s fast forward a couple days more. To the post that was written by the amazing women who have become like family to me. The women who started a GoFundMe page to try and help me out. Because they believe in me.
And because they are just genuinely good people.
That was published on July 27th. Ten days before we left on vacation.
Okay. Just wanted to establish the timeline.
Because you seem confused.
Now, to address your super supportive comment.
I’ll break it down into smaller segments, because it appears that’s all you can handle at a time.
1) It’s nice that you are able to afford A TWO week family vacation while in the midst of losing your home.
Well, you are right about one thing. It is AWESOME that we are able to have this opportunity while we are facing the prospect of losing our home.
That’s because, like I said before, my parents are fucking awesome.
But no, we cannot afford it. Luckily, the swim team is on break right now, so I am not missing any work. Neither is my husband as he is just finishing up one job and will start on three more the first week in September.
Oh yeah, and I have worked so hard the last three years getting this blog set up and established that I am able to actually work from anywhere in the world as long as I have a computer.
And I’m doing that right now, in fact!
2) Gotta love Go Fund Me pages!
I know, right! I totally love GoFundMe pages! And I love the ladies who took the time and energy to set one up for me. The ladies who said they wanted to pay it forward. They are amazing, as are all the people who have supported me!
3) I just read that you are able to start taking out money donated as soon as people start donating. How convienent. You should thank everyone who has donated(I have not) to try to help you “save your house”. People have been very generous. Way to work the system!
You are correct that you have almost immediate access to GoFundMe money once it’s been donated.
But first, the campaign must be linked to a bank account. My GoFundMe campaign has not been linked to my bank account (although Tracey, the awesome woman who set the whole thing up has asked me for my information).
I haven’t seen one penny of that money.
As for your comment that I should thank people, you are correct. I should.
I also have.
And I will continue to do so.
4)I’m sure you’re going to say that your parents are paying for everything. Food, gas, etc for your ENTIRE family for TWO whole weeks. If you are going to solicit money from people you should at least be honest about how you arevusing the money.
You are wrong here. For three reasons.
First, I did not solicit money from anyone. I did not set up a GoFundMe page, remember?
Secondly, I have not used the funds. My mortgage company will not accept anything less than twelve months of payments. I need to give them over $30,ooo in one lump sum, or they won’t take anything. So I’m kind of in an all-or-nothing situation right now.
Finally, I am not going to say that my parents are paying for everything for my entire family for two weeks.
I am going to say that my parents are paying for everything for my ENTIRE family for TWO WEEKS,
AND FOR MY BROTHER AND HIS STEPSON.
Because remember…
MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING AWESOME.
Okay. I lied.
My parents didn’t pay for the groceries I bought at Costco yesterday.
But they don’t normally pay for our food.
And we don’t only eat when we are on vacation.
We pretty much eat wherever we are.
I also paid for the gas.
So you got me there.
But let’s see.
My parents paid for two hotel rooms in Virginia where we stopped on our first day of traveling.
The one where my dad and Number 5 got to snuggle and read stories on his 50th wedding anniversary.
My parents also paid for our condo. For two weeks. If you’d like, I can show you the cancelled check.
It’s a three bedroom condo. It’s a little bit of a tight squeeze, but we are all happy.
I played golf two days ago with my parents and my brother.
And guess what, Angela!
My parents paid for that, too.
The other day when we went to the pier and got ice cream?
Uh, huh. My dad paid for that.
And then last night when we all went out to dinner at Big Daddy’s because it’s a tradition?
You guessed it, Big A!
MY PARENTS PAID FOR THAT, TOO!
Because remember?
MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING AWESOME!
I’m not sure why you find that so hard to believe.
Maybe you had shitty parents who treated you horribly and you can’t fathom that someone’s mom and dad would do this for their children and grandchildren.
Or maybe your parents were fucking awesome too, but despite their best efforts, you turned out to be an asshole anyway, in which case, I don’t blame them.
Because I wouldn’t want to go on a vacation with you, either.
Enjoy your vacation! You and your family deserve it!!!! The outer banks is amazing! Don’t let ignorant people ruin it for you!
I don’t know about you, but I feel better!! 😉 Your parents are F-ing awesome! I’m 46 and I’d just like to say that mine are too!
Fucking AWESOME 🙂 You and your parents! I’m glad you are able to enjoy some family time amidst your troubles, after all, house or no house, you’ll still have your family. I would love to donate to your go fund me account, and I will, if I’m ever not living pay check to pay check. Carry on sister!!
This is awesome! People are such assholes now a days! Thank you for the fantastic read! Enjoy your vacation!
You know who else is fucking awesome? You are!
Do you know who you DONT owe any explanation? Me! Or anyone else!
There’s a song called Asshole. I think it was written for her.
Keep on keepin on lady!
We just lost our home in June and I can say that life goes on. I haven’t felt this free in many years. The fear of waiting for knocks at your door sucks. Enjoy this time. You deserve it!
Dude. You are fucking awesome, also. Money troubles certainly do suck (go to the page to see why we have them, too)…and I just wanted to drop a note to tell you that I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU.
It is incredibly difficult to LET someone give you such an extravagant gift in the face of such devastating and uncertain challenges.
It is terrifying to be facing homelessness, or the idea of cramming into a space that is inadequate for your family because you can’t afford bigger (my 4 eldest of 5 are currently in CT now with my beat friend for this very reason) or bigger is otherwise unattainable. It’s downright humiliating and humbling to share it with the entire world, publicly and open to scrutiny by mutiny minded assholes who are quick to jump on the judgment ship instead of an empathy ship. Is there even an empathy ship to jump on, or is it more like a life raft these days, I wonder?
I am proud of you. Keep on keeping on. Most of us really admire you.
I had to have a little LOL at this. I don’t have an ‘Angela’, but I have inlaws.
We aren’t financially great, but went on a holiday last year. A family holiday. Ironically for my parents 40th wedding anniversary! With both my siblings and their kids, And my parents paid for us all to go – because they are also FUCKING AWESOME parents. They paid for all of us 6 adults and 9 kids in total to fly to the holiday destination, and for an apartment for each of our families, for 9 days, because they are FUCKING AWESOME. They bought the kids ice cream, too. Paid for the hire car for us all to use. Paid for meals out and food for us all to eat. They paid for fishing trips and golf. They paid for my kids to go see a movie with my husband, and they paid for me to have a massage at the same time – because they are FUCKING AWESOME.
And my inlaws had a dig at us for going on holiday. They (and my husbands siblings) had a little go at us later in the year about “obviously not struggling enough to not go on holiday” and you know what – I couldn’t tell them that my parents paid for it all because, frankly, its a bit embarrassing and I do dearly want to be able to pay for my own family’s holidays. And because if I did, they would react in one of two ways – embarrassment at themselves for being such idiots, or, making remarks along the lines of it being nice to be able to have enough money to able to do that (suggesting my parents are richer than them and that’s something to be shitty about). I’d guess it would be the latter on their track record.
And now, less than a year later, we are dealing with issues with #2 of 4 being a bit lost and dealing with stuff I’m sure I never dealt with until high school, and my mum just rang to talk about it and said she’s going to pay for new beds and mattresses and linen so #2 can have her own space just how she wants it and get her little head in a better place. Because she is FUCKING AWESOME. I cried because I’m not sure if I’m every going to be a FUCKING AWESOME parent like mine are and I’m pretty sure I never tell them enough, other than through blubbers of ‘but you just paid for …’ and ‘thank you’ and feeling like a failure (and I cried at your fucking awesome parent blog post because, see above, mine are pretty fucking awesome with shit like that, too).
PS – this has been cathartic. thank you. enjoy the holiday.
Fantastic response to Angela! Let’s just hope that everything stays “perfect” up there on her high horse. Sounds like a fall from her high position would really hurt….
I have been in your shoes and lost my home due to a year long layoff in the recession. We were hardworking people who hit some tough times. It happens and yes Angela, it could even happen to you.
I experienced how amazingly generous and understanding most people were and how crappy some people were. I still cringe when I hear a discussion about free student lunches or what food people should or should not be able to buy with food stamps. “Those people” could be any one of us at any time. It is very humbling to lean on others to feed your family.
You have been blessed with a wonderful family who understands your stress and is caring so well for you. I hope you have a wonderful time and focus on your family. You will get through this!
Angela? Hello? You sure are quiet now.
Ha! EXACTLY my thought! Not so sassy now, are we?
Susie, you rock! Keep on it girl!
Bravo Bravo to “The Happy Mom”. (After the visit to Costco)
Been there and done that. I also have some awesome parents who have helped all 3 of us boys through the good and the bad.
I’ll be sure to call my parents today and tell them they are “Fucking Awesome Parents”. And then have to apologize to mom for swearing.
Susie you came into my life from a distant friend and touched my heart over the Internet. Now I talk about you and your blog with my wife and tell all my friends to follow your blog.
Enjoy your your family vacation and the road trip back. Can’t wait to hear the stories. Cheers
Proud to know you.
It is so wonderful that you and your family can enjoy this time together in the face of all the stress that you all have been under. No matter how hard we try as parents to shelter our children from our struggles, be it financial or otherwise, they are always affected in some way. Kids are intuitive and they pick up on that tension in the household. So good for you and your parents for giving yourselves this opportunity to make some great memories together! I admire your candor in explaining your financial situation because, you’re right,it does help those of us who are also struggling to feel a little less alone. But you DO NOT have to justify yourself to assholes like Angela, or anyone else for that matter. Reading your posts helps to keep me going on those days when I feel like I’m drowning and I just want to give up. I think instead of being jealous of the generosity bestowed upon you, we should all celebrate that there are such kind and generous people in this world. I hope this doesn’t sound too cliché but it restores my faith in humanity to know that there are people out there like your parents and the wonderful ladies who set up the charity for you. Susie, enjoy the rest of your holiday!!!!
I’m not going to stick up for Angela. But I get it. I totally get why she would have an outburst like that. Your blog has been a lot of needing and wanting and if only’s. You’ve stated so many times that your struggling. And we get it. And you know why we get it? Because a lot of us out here reading your blog are also struggling – working so hard, and still struggling – BUT, we don’t have blogs, we don’t have people dropping money off on our door steps, we don’t have GoFundMe Pages. We also don’t get to go on vacations. And it’s all very frustrating. And I have to say that I’ve had those same thoughts as Angela. I just keep them to myself because I know it’s out of envy. Because I’m out here struggling. Not in all the same ways…. but it’s a struggle. Every. day. And I need a vacation. Man, I neeed a vacation. And I don’t have parents that can give me one. So I’m envious and sometimes that makes people say dumb things. Maybe Angela is struggling too.
I have been lurking here for a little while, and while I disagree with a lot of what you write, I still find your writing interesting. This post was over the top though. Very mean spirited towards someone that disagrees with you, and lacking any grace whatsoever. I understand your sensitivity, but when you put yourself out in public about your lack of funds, and have a gofundme site (that I understood you did not put up, but still, you allowed it), I think you open yourself up to some criticism about how you are spending (or not earning) your money. I have to admit, I was more than a bit surprised at a 2 week vacation when you’re 12 months + behind on your mortgage. We understand, your parents are paying for it, but still, very few self-employed people can ever afford a 2 week vacation, not because of the cost of the vacation, but because of the opportunity cost of the income lost. I hope you do find a way to save your house, and get healthier financially.
I never post comments on blogs, but this has been bothering me so much because your logic is so flawed. So, you claim that because Susie “puts herself out there”, she opens herself up to criticism. You’re absolutely correct; she does. However, when someone posts a PUBLIC COMMENT on a blog, that person also opens themself up to criticism. So, your assertion that Susie is being “mean” for her rebuttal and for setting the record straight is absurd.
I don’t always agree with Susie either, but if she has engendered support for herself and her family through her writing and her actions, then she deserves what she gets – a Go Fund Me page, a vacation, a gift card, etc. Other people who are facing tough times are welcome to find inspiration in what she is doing and use their talents to garner support for them and their family. Also, I’ve known a lot of self-employed folks, and the best ones take vacations. And yes, they do it every year, even during the lean years. Even when they are watching their money. It’s because taking time off to be with family is important for your business when your business is yourself.
Absolutely cool read!!!! Dont worry about what anybody says….everyone has a mouth and feel that they HAVE to speak out of it all the time…….the best reply to sneer arrogance is silence….its golden! it frustrates these commentators and its just so f-king awesome to be in a state of zen!
U GO GIRL!!!
Great response.. love the honesty! I also have great parents and ex-inlaws! Yes.. EX-INLAWS. They have taken my children to the Bahamas twice and to Wildwood, NJ AND paid for my children and I (not my ex) to drive to NC for a week and stay with them. My Ex and I had an AWFUL divorce so technically they should hate me right?? wrong.. we talk all the time and they have a great relationship with their grandchildren. As far as the debt… I was lucky enough to Short Sale my home in PA (a long time ago)…but I understand when you get behind, you can’t catch up, especially with a mortgage. I boggles my mind that a mortgage company will not take ANY payment but the full payment when you are behind.. like “ok, I can’t pay this month but next month I’ll be able to pay both!!”.. LOL… I think that is the real issue here. And there are the car payments, food, children’s activities, clothes, medicine, doctor copays, stupid shit that comes up that you don’t think about…etc. Anyhow, fuck her.. she clearly doesn’t understand what it’s like to struggle and to have AWESOME parents!
My Dad helped me so much financially. But he paid for necessities, not vacations. When my husband left me and took everything, I sold my 1/3 of my Grandfather’s home and survived on the work and sweat of a man who never went on vacation. My Grandfather died in 1975 and his hard work and sacrifice supported me and his great grandchildren in 1990. I have never gone on vacation. I live cheaply, yet I will never be able to help my children the way my ancestors helped me. I hope so much Susie saves her home, house, and family, since divorce creates even more poverty, as it did for me. Yet, like a previous poster said, will we or Susie ever be able to give our kids a vacation? I know I can’t, but even if I could, would i? Like I said, when I grew up only rich people went on vacations. By not going on vacations, my Dad and Grandfather provided for their families, even into the unknown future. She has raised lots of money for others, and I think she would help others keep their homes if she could. And to another poster, if you want to blog about your struggles, do so. Susie has taken the good and the bad, the bad being unable to accept a gift from her parents without being critized and it intruding on her vacation.
Susie, take care of yourself. Keep on doing good.
Good for you!!
Im so happy for you that you get to go on this vacation with your family.
Sure you could have turned it down, and sat home for the two weeks, maybe making a few extra dollars toward your mortage.. but what if in the end you do loose your house. Well, credit can be repaired, and you can get a new home. BUT you can’t get this time back with your children, and you can’t get this time back with your parents. I am sure, that you know a million times better then me, that we only have a limited amount of time with our family, as you have spoken about your brother before.
Although, I am not about to loose my house, so I do not know exactly what your going through. I do understand, $6 till pay day, sometimes wishing I could just get my account back to $0, depression, and that my 2 year old isnt getting any younger, my time is limited with him. Not that my opinion matters, but I think you did the healthiest thing for you and your family. So live up these two weeks, you might not get them again!
Because you have FA parents, and inherited the FA parent gene, I know that you & your kids will ultimately be okay — But tough times are tough, and part of your strength lies in forging a community that wants to help you. I’m glad you’re getting the breath of fresh sea air you need to sustain you on the journey ahead. Enjoy your break to the max.
First off, go you for standing up for yourself! Not like you need to explain yourself to anyone, definitely not a stranger, but this was such a great read! Everyone has money troubles more than once in their life. We are having some money issues right now and reading that we are not alone definitely made me feel better. My grandparents (they raised me) would totally do something like this, that your parents did for you, your family, and your brother and his step son. Because after all, you’re their children and no matter how old we get (for some of us anyway), your parents will always want to make sure their children are okay…especially their grand children!
Hi notyouraveragemom,
Have you ever considered Dave Ramsey’s Program? He has a great way saving plan by living on “beans and rice, rice and beans”, (maybe instead of splurging at Costco) and using money envelopes with a budget each month. Think about it.
You are fucking awesome! And so blessed to have amazing parents!!! We are too going through a financial crisis and are too in South Carolina on our first ever family vacation with our kids…you know why? Because you only live once and only you know what’s best for your family! We are making memories and we are happy!!! And you are amazing!!!!